my last poem was about dread etc and some have asked if i had 1 about love, well i think this is the nearest i have, excuse the spelling and the lenght etc, as with the other poem please tell me how it makes you feel and constructive comments
thanx for your time.
The Visit
I knock on the wood anticipation wells inside
You open the door amazement I try to hide
Your beauty and smile caress my being
I blink my eyes, hardly believing what I am seeing
You stand there an apologise about the mess
I wonder why? for I care not less
You stand to one side and invite me in
I caring not about the untidiness within
I walk to the sofa, toys dotted around the floor
Again you apologise about not doing this chore
I must clean up you say in a sweet voice
My heart beats fast and melts it has no choice
My coat I remove and watch you dash around
Picking the toys of the sofa with a clutter of sound
You say I cannot believe this room is this way again
All these toys will one day surely drive me insane
I smile again for I do not care, and at u I look
Picking up as I sit down a children’s book
You want a drink you ask as you pick up a train
I smile and say please trying to hide loves pain
Just sit down I say for I do not care if it’s tidy or not
As for the drink I don’t mind if it be chilled or hot
All I want is to sit and talk to you upon this seat
I look at your toes and comment on your tiny feet
You took them under you with style and grace
Trying to hide that sheepish smile on your face
I know this night will be filled with laughter
An evening to remember for long days after
The evening is at an end and my heart does dip
Not wanting to finishing a drink, so slowly I do sip
This night has been one of a few
And every night I stop myself saying I love you
But I know that to you im just a friend
And that I must accept until life’s end
I hold you and say goodnight my sweet
Till the next time our paths do meet
With that, I smile and from your door walk away
Not wanting to inform you of the words I want to say
Another few weeks and this time will repeat again
These mad few happy hours that will keep me so sane
2007-03-20 23:48:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
no this is an original ode by myself, i wouldnt have the nerve to put some1 elses work on here and cliam it as my own.!!
2007-03-20 23:54:02 · update #1
its not homework, and if you dont wish to give constructive comments why answer?
2007-03-20 23:56:55 · update #2
2 people asked if i could write a poem about another subject or love... why are you here to demoralise this post, please put usefull comments down or leave the post alone!
2007-03-21 00:02:38 · update #3
I told myself I wouldn`t answer any posts /q`s on this stupid 'place',BUT after reading this poem I thought I`d just let You know what I`d thought.
I`m also apologising for my untidy clutter,and collecting it up when visitors are there.I loved the sentiment,it was poignant and dare I say this made me cry,`n poetry is personal so it`s the feeling that counts,and You portrayed this well.
I`m a bit confused though by the close.Could it be He just is reticent,apprehensive of being hurt,and it`s convenient that She views Him as only a friend,and that He must accept this until life`s end.
The last two lines on the second from last verse are conflicting with the last two lines on the final verse.IT`s firstly up in the air when they`ll meet again,almost tragically,then last verse the time is planned,and He`s sane by spending a few hours with Her.Remember ,season`s change,and perhaps Winter for Him could like real life turn to spring,then full blown summer !_______
2007-03-21 02:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by JULIA E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i requested another one because i thought the one before was a sad one and not nice to read, so i was wondering if there was a nice one about love, that was a good well done!
2007-03-21 07:22:20 · answer #2 · answered by suzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem. Expresses quite well unrequited love. Don't let negative comments keep you from writing. You can't please everyone, so please yourself. You will be much more emotionally and mentally stable when you write than if you don't.
2007-03-21 08:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by KnowItAll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talented. exceptional writing. i think the ending needs work though
2007-03-21 06:56:13 · answer #4 · answered by punk bitch piece of shit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT MAKES ME WONDER WHO REQUESTED ANOTHER POEM. I AM NOT HERE TO CRITIQUE OTHER PEOPLES HOMEWORK.
2007-03-21 06:55:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmm...I have seen this somewhere before.
2007-03-21 06:50:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good peom
2007-03-21 06:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by inderpreet k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋