How do I find total permanent forgiveness?

Question

I have ups and downs where I can forgive my family and accept that they are people who need to be loved too and then I get all angry all over again. I want to be able to permanently forgive these jerks. No need to tell you what they did. people do all kinds of bad stuff to their youngest siblings/daughters. Hwo do I stay in peace

Answer 1

Forgiving someone dosen't mean being a doormat but it also doesn't mean keeping a laundry list a mile long of what they have done either. Forgiving is more releasiing for you probalby.

Answer 2

it depends what you think love and forgiveness is. If you think that love and forgiveness means forgetting the past and never getting angry about it again then you will never acheive it because it's not possible. eventually it may not effect you so badly, but that depends on you. I'm guessing that what they did is somewhat obssessing your thoughts and causing you to be more angry than you wish, so to help with this maybe tell them how they affected you and that it was wrong and most importantly tell yourself that what they did is their problem, not yours. Obviously they caused you to feel bad about yourself in some sort of way, find out what that is, ex: ashamed, loss of innocence, unworthy, whatever it is,mentally erase it and realize that that was only because of them and is not your fault, therefore should not define you or cause you pain. Think of yourself as a different person, whole again. Remember who you were before it happened and know that is still you. also try separating yourself from them for a while to establish peace of mind it is not bad at all to establish boundaries. this may sound selfish but selfish is not a bad thing unless if it is hurting someone else, but within reason separating yourself will not damage them. You are the most important person in your life.

Answer 3

Remember that your parents and your siblings are human and will make mistakes and disappoint you at times. Choose your battles wisely and let the small things go. I'm sure they have forgiven you for many things as well. They are your family and the only people you will always be able to depend on throughout your life, so learn to accept them for the people they are and forgive them. They can only get you upset if you allow them to. Remember that you control how you react to them. As you get older, you will come to realize that your family are the only people who will always be there for you when you need someone and forgiveness will come easier. Getting control of your reactions to people takes practice and some time but you can do it. Don't let anyone else control your emotions. Love your family for who they are. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

My father fell out badly with my gran when I was only 6, I can remember her a little.
We never went there again or spoke with her, she died when I was 15, I u had no chance to get to know her or be with her or make up my own mind of to love or loath her. I missed out big time b'cos her could not forgive.
Now I have a young family of my own, I forgive others for what they do.
I do make sure my feelings are heard, but I dont hold a big grudge.
I think of my children and how I would not want them to miss out when I have issues with my family.
its a far greater thing and good feeling to forgive than to eat yourself up on the inside full of hate!
Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Sounds like you want to totally permanently not feel anger towards your family, but that to me doesn`t have everything to do with forgiveness. Part of being alive means things change. One day I might "be in the mood" for a rainy day and feel good just laying under the covers with a good book. The next I might not like the rain and even be angry it`s raining because I had outside activities planned. Inconsistancies in feelings are normal. I have forgiven my family but that does not mean I can`t feel anger from time to time. We can`t wipe away our memories from our mind like a slate. Forgiveness to me is not blaming them completely, but instead working on myself, and not letting the past control my "now".

Answer 6

You don't....not this year anyway. You still refer to them as jerks and your reticence in talking about what was done to you hides an encyclopaedia of personal horror. Start with this: First forgive yourself for being human and harboring resentment for real and imagined injustices. As long as you continue to get angry all over again, you are admitting you are not ready to "forgive those whom trespass against us." Not a fault, more of a matter of timing.

Answer 7

You know, one of the best things I could say about this is to tell the person in a note, call or letter you are truly sorry and offer a one-time opportunity for them to make amends with you and you will do something to help them or make up for it. Write down what you did and make a note not to do it again. Think about what it all meant. Then, let it go.

It is like a girl who cheats on her college fiance and then loses him. Five years later, she is married to another wonderful man and pregnant. She has a great house and job and they just spent their holidays in Jamaica and Cuba. Nevertheless, she is worrying about what she did, how it affected him, etc. You have to move on in life. You can't go back. We're not here for that. We're to move forward in life.

Answer 8

You will never permanently forgive or forget. You just have to make peace in your heart for healing. Consider it one of life's lessons.

Answer 9

look deep inside yourself and decide if your love for them is deeper than the wounds. then forgive them, but don't leave yourself open to be hurt again.

Answer 10

Forgive yourself first.