In this day and age, no one waits to have sex before marriage. I'm 21, going to be soon in the....dating world. I'm just curious-are there any people here who have successful marriages who had sex before they were married and have been married for 10,20,30 years? Does sex before marriage ruin the MARRIAGE??
2007-03-20 20:14:37 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok I have only been married for 2 years but have been with my husband since I was 15. I had sex with one other guy before we were married. I honestly do think that is matters either way. Either way the first time sucks. But some men prefer to marry a virgin. But I think it is up to you. You will no when the time is right.
Btw we are extremely happy in our marriage and I could never see myself with anyone else. Even the things I use to hate about him I now love. so good luck and I hope you find mister right I did
2007-03-20 20:21:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many surveys about pre-martial sex. I personally don't think that is a cause of a marriage lasting a long time or being dissolved at an earlier time.
The couple must have something in common, be compatible
in several areas, of which I think education, religion are two of the prime ones.
The rest of the things needed to have a successful marriage can be learned traits or they will fall into a pattern over a period of time.
There is also a give and take proposition in any type of relationship, each partner must respect the right of the other, allowing each other to grow as an individual and ensuring that they grow also so as to keep up with the other.
Then most important you must make a commitment to each other,besides the wedding vows you take. The wedding vows are for the public and does not necessarily give each other the final commitment that is needed. There are certain guide lines that you must establish that each know about and observe. This is your personal commitment or respect you give to each other that involve only the two of you.
So if you think that having or not having sex before marriage will determine, that in my opinion is not the answer. There are other things that are more important, though sexual compatibility is important and should not be place at the end of the line, just not at the very head of the line.
2007-03-20 20:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by Skip 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOULD YOU BUY A CAR WITHOUT DRIVING IT? A car will last hopefully a shorter time than your marriage. How do you know if you are sexually compatible? How do you know if he likes kinky stuff and you can't stand it? Just because you "love" eachother unless you tried it on for "size" and by the way, I assume you don't buy dresses, pants or tops without trying them on either, how can you even think of not having sex before marriage? YES, I HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, WITH MORE THAN ONE GUY, AND THAT'S HOW I KNEW MY HUSBAND WAS THE BEST SEX I COULD EVER HAVE.............How could I KNOW that if I didn't try it out--- just like the little black dress you love in the window-- you don't know how it will look on you, or if it fits or if it will make you look like a MILLION BUCKS---sex is the same- sorry all you churchgoing yahoos, too many marriages fail because of sexual incompatibility and that's where cheating comes about--- if you have a hot and steamy sexual relationship before marriage--- it will carry on after.
2007-03-22 19:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just read statistics that say it does..
and, i believe after what i have seen in some many relationships that haven't and have. that is probably true.
having respect for each other before marriage is a fundamental part of loving each other.. love waits.. lust doesn't...
Sure some are married 20, 30 , 40 years .. but, what kind of relationship do they REALLY have in those years??
You don't get to drive a new car but once and take it home and drive it again off the lot, it is called USED.
there is a special feeling , bond when it is the first time and forever.
regrets sometimes come when before.. obligations that perhaps are now implied that otherwise would not have been or in best interest.. of either party..
it is a big step, and in a world with std's that can kill you..
wouldn't you want to know the other person values you as much as you do them.. to start your life unthreatened and wondering.. i would .
2007-03-20 20:36:49 · answer #4 · answered by miladyfaire 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's not up to anyone BUT you what's right or wrong when it comes to that decision.My husband and i had both slept with other people,and of course each other before we got married.Together now for almost 10 years.A friend of mine had only slept with her husband and you guessed it-they both cheated.Most men value sex as an important part in a marriage.Do you buy a pair of jeans without trying them on a few pairs first?Obviously you don't try on every pair in the shop,but you certainly make sure you find a pair that fits!!Sexual chemistry is very important in any relationship.So no,i don't think sex before marriage ruins the marriage.If anything it can help you find that person you are totally connected to in every way.
2007-03-20 20:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it does not ruin your marriage. Would you buy a car and not test drive it? I don't think so. What if you do wait then find out you are not compatable in that department. You should not build a relationship around sex but sex is an important part of marriage.
2007-03-20 21:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by stormy74115 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Come on, now. With a 50% dicorce rate in the US do you really think that even close to 50% wait for marriage?
What that means is that most of the 50% that NEVER get divorced, ever had sex before marriage and are married to this day. Thus, sex before marriage does not ruin it.
Besides, how are you supposed to know your partner completely before marriage if this hasn't been completed?
Look at Jessica Simpson and Nick Lache. She was a virgin when they married and they got divorced so I would certainly say it won't save your marriage if you wait.
In any case, do what feels right with that person.
2007-03-20 20:19:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
No it doesn't ruin marriage. People ruin marriage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an absolute idiot. Virgins don't have any lower divorce rate than the rest of us unpure souls. While I don't recommend unsafe, indiscriminate sex - responsible sex with someone you care about married or not is fine. Anyone touting otherwise is nutty religious crackpot.
2007-03-22 08:52:06 · answer #8 · answered by Lilith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no !!!! it is the sex after you are married . that is what most married women tell me and i have been with a few . try this EVERYONE when you get married for the first 2 years every time you have sex of any kind with your spouse take a penny and put it in a jar after 2 years each time you have sex with your spouse take 1 out and see how many years it takes to empty it
2007-03-20 22:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by Blackjack 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should wait. You're right, these days hardly anyone is "chaste" anymore. There's something to be said when two people have had the self control to save themselves for each other. My bestfriend and her husband were both virgins and their marriage has been absolutely blessed. They've now been married four years and love each other more today than yesterday. Save yourself. It's not mainstream anymore to do so but look at all the problems we have nowadays that our grandparents never dreamed of dealing with. Kudos to you for waiting this long.
2007-03-20 20:21:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋