I'm a recovering addict for some time now so not that I don't believe or haven't heard leave her, don't enable her and so on. What I would really like is some real answers from couples who have faced this dillema and have found a way out or found a proven process to deal prductivly. We are both christians and I belive that my faith is sronger, only in that I have no doubts about my relationship with my savior. I think she may be in that battle of being on the fence and needs the proper wind to blow her over to the Lord completly. PLease don' think by my language that I feel supirior or a better person than my wife I'm not. Im just a husband who loves his wife and needs some real responses to this. I also realize that it will not be me who guide her through this , That will take another woman who has been where she has been , I can only offer support and be there when she needs me.
2007-03-20 20:03:11 · 7 answers · asked by tyl5rdurden 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi there! I think I can help you, Ive been there. Still struggle sometimes. Realize that your wife is going to struggle, and she needs your honesty and uplifting. Tell her, how you see it. Dont press her, but lovingly, tell her she needs to decide if she is tired of feeling like poo. Let her know,when she is tired of feeling like poo, that you are there to help her, but in the meantime, you have a life to get out there and live; and that you would love for her to be a part of it. Im sure all is not well on the homefront, and it wouldn't hurt to just refuse to fight with her, at all. She is not in a state of mind to be rational and objective; she's more like an emotional trainwreck waiting to happen. So walk away. If she follows you,tell her the truth, and keep it up, she needs to hear it. This gets a very strong message across, and doesn't allow her to have you to blame, for why she feels so crappy. Chances are, she'll act worse for a while, so expect it, and make plans to be doing your own thing. She needs the time anyhow, to focus inward. I dont know to what extent your wife drinks, or for how long. Some people dont want the "alcoholic" label, so that is motivation to quit cold turkey and keep it private. Others need the support of AA. Sever alcoholism causes detox, so depending on how severe her problem is, you should read up on detoxing from alcohol; it can be very dangerous for you and her. Some people need to enter a detox facility. You dont want the kids to witness mom freiking out, hallucinating, ect. As for the deppression- antideppressants. This will kill two birds with one stone, help with the alcohol dependancy and the deppression. They tell you to take them for 6 months. Then go off of them, and see how you feel. Show her this. She does not need to keep suffering. It's hard to admit you need help sometimes, but remember, this is HER choice, and the steps she chooses to take, need to be hers, and respected by you. You can offer different options, but let her be in control of how she wants to fix this. Give her that. A few days on antideppressants, and she will feel like a new woman. The desire to drink will be so much less. Plus, you cant drink a whole lot on them, you get drunk way too fast. Plus, you feel so good, you dont really care to drink. Best of luck, God bless you and your wife.
2007-03-23 20:11:40 · answer #1 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you know, addiction and depression are illnessnesses that need medical intervention. I am a christian as well, and I was married to a drug addict/alcoholic. She was never truly commited to her faith or her recovery, which is part of the disease. She felt she could handle it. She had a son from a previous marriage and 'slipped' once. I was very suppotive and set firm limits, that she get into treatment, get a sponser, and follow the program, if not for herself for her child. While we were married (7 years) she remained clean as far as I know. We have been divorced three years, her son is a teenager now, and she is quickly drinking herself down the toilet.
It is hard to say what came first for your wife, the alcoholism or the depression as they are often co-occuring. Treatment approaches are very different however. If she is currently using, she needs to get clean and sober. Many therapists who work with addicts wont treat them unless they have been clean at least 6 months, have a sponser and are working a program... primarily because no true mental health treatment can be done with someone who is actively using, and the medications for the depression are not effective when taken with alcohol.
Faith is very helpful, and as you know, until she truely reaches her bottom, she will not be fully comitted to treatment. Once she is, get her into a residential treatment program to help her detox, then find her a good therapist and psychiatrist who can help with the underlying depression. The sooner the better, because long-term alcohol abuse alters the brain and brain chemistry making it more difficult for anti-depressants to help. I wish you and your wife luck.
2007-03-20 20:29:44 · answer #2 · answered by Robert S. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and maximum acceptable - hold close in there - ten years isn't something to sneeze at, my husband and that i would be married for 19 yrs next week. we've been right here and performed this too. i'm assuming she has not been considered by using a DR. Get her on your loved ones surgeon ASAP. She might might desire to communicate with an interloper approximately her existence as somebody, not as a spouse or sister. carry off on drugs until she's considered by using a professional. Anti depressants can take a while to kick in and longer to get off.
2016-11-27 19:14:39 · answer #3 · answered by fearson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep praying for her complete recovery and that she will turn her life over to Christ! God will continue to challenge her and you need just be there and support her. Remember, God doens't give us more than we can bear. God Bless You and your family. I wish you all the best of luck. Ty
2007-03-20 20:08:55 · answer #4 · answered by FemFatale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant help your wife / she has to wanted it you know that no matter what you say to her it truely up to her and when she ready what you can do is asked her to go with you to aaa metting to help you maybe she might hear something that might help good luck
2007-03-20 20:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has to be ready to help herself. continue to pray for her and encourage her to help herself. be positive and tell her she can do it, the more she hears it the more she will believe it. you can not do it for her.
2007-03-20 20:19:28 · answer #6 · answered by misse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put peepee in her drinks and she won't want to drink anymore.
2007-03-20 20:07:20 · answer #7 · answered by jeffprobst4242 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋