I've been having sex with my boyfriend for over five months, and because havent fallen in love yet (he "doesnt know what it means"), sometimes i feel bad about having sex with him. this week i tried not having sex to see how i feel about the depth of our relationship, and i felt as if our relationship was inadequate and empty as i started to distance myself from him. this could be because i was simply acting a bit distant. mabe the emptiness was imagined while i spent the week doubting him and us. can anyone help sort my feelings about sex and our relationship and its status of "not in love, but care for eachother a ton" ??
2007-03-20 19:17:08 · 24 answers · asked by dancer87 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
In response to: "You want to feel connected to your partner when you make love. It is very healthy."
We are not in love yet. Until then, what should I do about my feelings, and what is the best perspective to take on this situation? I dont want to stop having sex completely, because I enjoy it for myself and do belive it helps us to be intimate.
2007-03-20 19:24:03 · update #1
Also, lately i have been feeling really confused about the fact that he does not feel like saying "I love you" yet. I know that I wanted to say it a while ago and then realized it was too early because there was so much more to learn bout him. Now I feel those feelings coming backl to me. I want to be in love, but maybe it is just to get ot over with and to feel safe. I am obsessing over this love issue. I think I feel it but because he's not saying it I'm obsessing over it!
2007-03-20 19:30:14 · update #2
dancer87 - call me crazy, but I am a firm believer that sex should be shared only between husband and wife, if people understood the deep connection we make when we enter into sexual intimacy I think people would save it for the person they will marry, sex is much more than just a rush of feelings and emotions, you may be feeling guilt b/c I think inside us all there is a thing we call a conscience and it may be speaking to you, I think maybe you are discovering that your relationship is very shallow, when sex is the main pillars to a relationship it almost always crumbles, relationships should be based on much more, things that are firm and unshakable, strong and solid, not things that are tossed and turned by the waves and winds of life
2007-03-20 19:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why do you feel bad about having sex with him? is it because you feel guilty for having sex with him without feeling that you are in love with him? Or does sex as an act give you a negative feeling? It sounds like you may not be compatible on a relationship level and may be more likely to be friends instead. Honestly you would know if you were passionate about someone so the idea that you imagined the emptyness sounds like you feeling remorse for him being more invested in this then you are.
2007-03-21 02:33:24 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A nice answer from me would be to stop watever u r doing n break up.
An honest answer from me and that is usually un-nice, what the hell r u doing w him when u know u don love him and having issue doing sex w him when u don love him?
Besides u r pretty screw up now, figuratively and literally, whats the point in asking this question? Ur life is screwed becoz u r wasting ur time. N physically, u r being screwed by a guy u dun love? doh? After spreading ur legs wide open, n now u r asking this question on hindsight? R u trying to clear doubts that are in arrears while ur actions are way ahead?
get a life!
2007-03-21 03:07:11 · answer #3 · answered by AA 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it seems you may have rushed into having sex, you should try showing your feelings for one another in different ways, tell him you want a break from sex just so you can sort things out Whit your self , he should understand. Dint just have sex because every one else is either! Also if your second guessing your relationship maybe its nit the relationship for you and you sh old try being friends and possibly looking for someone you connect with other than just sex!
2007-03-28 23:41:37 · answer #4 · answered by Roxy Truelove ♥ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gonna make yourself sick. If both of you care for one another as you say than enjoy his company and the sex. Everything else will come in time. Trying to rush things or find each other's position may just empede what's already there or already growing. Try talking to him. A sit down conversation over dinner. Take him for his work until he shows you otherwise. If not this may be a pattern for you to find a reason to get out of relationship because it's not at the place in time you want it. This may be a possibility for all your relationships. Goodluck with this. Live your life. It may be great or it may not be. But you'll never know until you let it.
2007-03-21 02:24:34 · answer #5 · answered by spiritius4 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Different people feel different ways about it.
but the bottom line is the biological focus of homo sapiens like any other animal is to reproduce.
Are you doing it for a purpose or are you hoping to fall in love?
If its for the latter then there is a more complex element involved. You should explore why in terms of your other relationships. Sex isnt something you should just do.
You have to develop feelings apart from that act otherwise your life is a mess. It's nice to be in love. And love isnt just the bedroom!
I suggest that you go find it!
2007-03-21 02:26:10 · answer #6 · answered by essence_05 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All you have is a sexual relationship. That is not healthy or even intelligent.
You have become his tool for his pleasure.
Both of you are probably way too young to know what love is.
My advice to you is that you will become a worn-out person way before your time...so stop whatever you are doing.
Grow up!
If you have to ask that question on this site...you are either stupid or very immature...maybe both!
2007-03-27 19:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by bob P11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why you are having sex with someone you 'care for a ton but are not in love with'. But that's not as big of a problem as the fact that you don't know either. Doesn't that tell you are not happy with this? You know the answer to this without our input, really. Follow what YOU believe you should do.
2007-03-21 02:23:49 · answer #8 · answered by Im Listening 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Love is the basis of Happiness, Joy, Family, and all things dear to the Heart. Sex is very nice and all, but it won't bring " True Love ". You may think this strange, but if you can get a Bible, locate ll Corinthians and read the entire book. It is what brought "Happiness" to our Marriage when Sex wasn't doing so well. I wish you well, and God Bless !!
2007-03-26 13:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by fuzzypetshop 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to try not to sound judgemental here, and I hope you don't get offended. I really think you having sex with him (and vice versa) when you really aren't in love cheapens both of you. I mean, yeah, you're having sex, but why would you give yourself to a person you really don't love? Don't you think you'd be happier (both emotionally and sexually) in a relationship where you know you love the person you are with? From his angle, don't you think he'd be happier? Perhaps the two of you are playing it safe. Why risk real love when you are already having sex? Think about it. I sincerely hope I haven't offended you. It's just that life is too short to not live it to the fullest.
2007-03-21 02:25:13 · answer #10 · answered by tranquility_base3@yahoo.com 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋