is it a lie if he just did not tell you and knew for months?

Question

My husband just found out he has another kid and found out in December and just told me today

Answer 1

a lie only occurs through talking about something that is false. he didnt tell you, so no, its not a lie

Answer 2

Yes, unfortunately it is. If he fooled around on you and has another child he could of been scared to death to tell you, but if you already knew and are still with him, then you have to ask yourself if this is the man you really want? Or do you want to end it and move forward in your life. He may not love the woman and love you, but if he is a cheater then he will always be a cheater and he will always fool around on you what do you want? A loving and trusting husband or an idiot that screws who he wants and expects you to accept it. What does your heart tell you? write down the pro's and con's and go with what you are told by your logic and gut and do it. Live is too short to live with regret, you just have to know what you can deal with and what you really want in life. take care Heather

Answer 3

It wasn't a lie, and the time element wasn't out of line necessarily either. Perhaps it was a real shock, he wanted to get advice whether it was true and what his options were. And cut him some slack as well as it had to be a real worry how you were going to react.

DETAILS would be a good idea if you want real opinions. How old is the kid, 3 months, 18 years? We have no way of knowing.

Answer 4

A lie is indicative of deceit. This isn't even a lie of omission. How did he lie by NOT telling you? Prior to December, this topic was a non-issue because it didn't exist. And it never was an issue, until he told you.
NOW however, is a different story. He should've told you sooner but didn't. THAT, and that only is his crime (however minor).

One thing you failed to indicate was his fidelity. This will cast a different light on the situation.

Answer 5

That's a heckuva secret to keep from you. It's not a lie unless he has told you in the past three months that he has no children.
The real concern you should have is, was the child conceived before or during your marriage?

Answer 6

He should have told you when he found out. Why didn't he?
Regardless if it's a lie or not he kept information from you for a reason! You deserved to know. Especially if the child was conceived during your marriage.

Answer 7

Maybe it took that long for him to figure out how to tell you.
If he thought you would be devastated or freak out he may have been scared. You could use this as an opportunity to show him how loving and understanding you can be.
If you are not too upset try being supportive, he may feel like he can tell you more if he knew a little more about how you would react to "bad/good" news.

Answer 8

It depends on when this child was conceived. If the child came about before he was with you then it could be that he just didn't know what to say or how he even felt about it. If the child came about after you two were together then it was a lie because he didn't want to confess.

Answer 9

Your tail needs to be put into context. Has he been a pretty stand-up guy all along and just didn't know how to tell you about this? Did you marry a guy that has a record of being untrustworthy?

The context makes all of the difference.

Answer 10

not telling is the same as a lie!~ and really sucks when someone else spills the beans, and still some how you dont look at this person the same.

Answer 11

this is alot to digest for anyone. respect the fact that he told you. he needs your love and support more than your criticism right now. men go into their caves for a bit when given news they find difficult. you 2 have a big change to your life and there will be more important issues than your hurt right now.