Hi Girls!! You shall have to catch the FISH yoursrlf,your father cannot arrange it for you.What do you think?

Question

Arranged marriages have become extremely difficult. Due to
consideration of religion,language,province,cast,horoscope etc
98 % of the eligible bachelors are excluded.You cannot
manipulate by giving dowry. Boys and girls are interfering in the
marriage negotiation process.Everybody is making unrealistic
demands.So the girls and boys should find their partner
themselves.

Answer 1

The upside of arranged marriages is that in-law issues seem less predominate. Over the 'long haul', my friends who have arranged marriages seem much happier than those who married for 'love'. Apparently, parents actually can help find appropriate mates for their children; and my experience shows that parents do a better job than Cupid.

Alas ... I married for love (smile).

Answer 2

I am arranging both my daughters marriages I am second generation from India. I am American and my daughters are dual citizenship Brittish/American we live in America and I am Hindu/Pagan.

My parents found each other and thier marriage did not work.

My marriages did not work I found my own mates as well. I don't think that was the reason it did not work but, I think that if the partners come into it thinking of it as permanent and base the realtionship on thier friendship, letting it grow stronger maturing into love that the match has a better chance.

My daughters did not know much about thier Indian heritage until a couple of years ago since my grandfather was "very brittish " both my parents are bi-racial and very american so it was a shock to me when my oldest asked me to find her a husband.

It is no different than using match. com except that, I have a better sense of who is best for her and I am more concerned with her marriage working than they would be.

She will have the final say, I am just lining up suitable mates for her.( Pre-screening if you will) She is a pre-med and does not have the time to find suitable matches (these are her words) at first , I would not agree but when she and her sister both spoke to me and told me why I agree with them.

There will be no dowry and none of that other old school stuff like caste etc.. she will date him before they get married.

I would never do this if they did not ask.

Answer 3

Love marriage is good because the girls will know the boy they are marrying, but sometimes the boys hide things like they may already be married or a divorcee. In india marriage is a serious matter and they cannot take a chance. Lot of frauds and fakes are around, maybe also on the net, who will not tell the truth and make a mockery of the marriage.

Answer 4

The families' elders, caste & community people will not accept such marriages. The marriages should be between the same caste & community to be recognised and honoured by the Society.
In India, 99+% marriages are performed within the same caste and community; inter-religious or inter-caste are 1-%. Almost all who counsel, teach, advocate and canvass for no discrimination basing upon caste or religion, act contrarily in own life. The caste (even sub caste), community & religion are very much important in marriages. All marriages are performed reciting holy sacred verses from ancient scripts. Intercaste or interreligious marriages are registered with the Marriage Registrars by spouses alone, while their relatives and friends dislike and condemn. Their hybrid children also have to marry the same way without the caste & community people, relatives and friends.
Hinduism is not a religion. It is a culture, custom, tradition, rite and ritual. It divided humanity in 4 categories (varnas) and thousands of castes therein; and others are Untouchables, worst and dirtiest than animals. A Hindu always belongs to his caste. Castes are quite unchangeable.

ALL THE INDIAN CENTRAL AND STATE GOVERNMENTS' RULES, LAWS, ACTS, notifications, orders, directions, clarifications, explanations and ALL THE SUPREME COURT'S & HIGH COURTS' JUDGEMENTS ::: ALWAYS CONFIRMED THAT HINDUS' CASTES CAN NEVER BE CHANGED.
If possible, one from higher caste would have changed to some lower caste to avail of the government aids, benefits, subsidies, free house & house sites, free lands, interest free loans, free education, free hostels and other facilities given to lower caste people by the Government..

Answer 5

Isn't that the way life is now everywhere or almost everywhere? Of course we all think its better because we fall in love with and marry whomever we want. Its our choice and decision not anyone elses.

On the other side of it I heard that sometimes its better when you parents pick your spouse because they know you and want the best for you (as do you) but they may pick someone thats better for you then you would (half of all marriages end in divorce now adays). They say that you learn to like your spouse, then you become best friends, and that grows to love. They say thats how they stay together longer - they have to learn to love each other its not infacuation then love.
but mos of those people were in love with someone else before they got married to who their parents picked so they were heartbroken and would've at the time wanted the choice.

Now we have it, all we can do is try to pick the best possible for ourselves but you cant control the matters of the heart

Answer 6

I really agree with you answer not only bcos of the fact of religion adn dowry but practically its so hard to get married to some guy who u even dnt knw adn then after years when you have a kid you know he is bad..At that stage you cant leave him bcos of the kids..So i suppose when it is love marriage its always understood that the both know each other better and the decide a lot of things abt their future...

Answer 7

EXACTLY!!!


I actually answered a question about arranged marriages earlier here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqXx6Gad.4fC971MiBofJ2bsy6IX?qid=20070320133349AAyr6sX&show=7#profile-info-Sbmw18Rmaa

This is what I said:

I've always hated the idea of arranged marriages.

Marriage is a sacred bond between 2 people who LOVE each other... not just a bond that parents force their children to get into. That's absurd.

You should be with someone you truly LOVE.... and he should be with someone HE truly loves. Loveless marriages are a waste of time. Don't you want to be HAPPY?

And do you really want your child to see this loveless marriage? Do you want THEM to go through what YOU are going through right now? I don't think so. Marriage is about love. Find someone you would LOVE to spend the rest of your life with.... not someone you are FORCED to spend the rest of your life with. It is YOUR life and NO ONE ELSE'S.

It's not even your parents' lives. Don't you want what's best for your child? It seems like they didn't want what's best for YOU... That's just how I see it.

Answer 8

I guess that you are from a different world and it is different on your side. I think this works for families who are open minded and have gone through life experiences and have been there done that kind of situations. Both kind of marriages has its pros and cons and I think its how you want your marriage to work.

Answer 9

This is a silly question. Why to bother about a partner. We know where from to get fishes not only a fish. We have lots of it around, if one does not suite me I can change him like my lingerie
Sandeepa

Answer 10

Look at the people who've gotten married using match.com or eharmony.com or any other dating site.

Are they finding their partner themselves? Or are they using a surrogate (in this case, a website) to "arrange" a marriage for them?

Just a thought.