Is it possible to learn to be optomistic when you have been pessimistic your entire life?

Question

I've always found the worst in everything since I was a little girl. I am very realistic so I see things as they are and I can't delude myself or sugar coat anything. If I expect the worst and then something good happens it's like a bonus, I find when I hope for the best more often than not I end up being let down. I know this isn't healthy and I'd like to change but at this stage of the game I feel like it is too late for this old dog to learn new tricks and when I try to be positive I feel fake and like I'm not being myself.

Answer 1

Being a pessimist isn't always as bad as optimists try to make it sound :). You may be gloomy all the time and have little or no initiative to bark on new endeavors (if barking on a new endeavor is the word i want :)). However, you have less diappointments and an even lesser tendency of dependency than folks with bright and sunny disposition. Optimism has it's not-so-sunny sides too, although I admit being aound an optimist person is easier than beign arounda pessimist person. HOWEVER, I think to try to "cure" a person of his/her pessimism is like asking him/her the impossible question of overriding his background and be above his experiences. Blotting what he/she used to be and become a more friendly agreeable person. Because people don't just up and become brooding and melancholic. They don't choose to be this way. They were MADE that way. They were let down, had the ground move from underneath them. So they find it hard to get off their behind and just grab the hands of hope. By being pessimist, they are just looking out for themselves because they've learned early in life that they were the only one who is there for them. So they refuse to take the world upon it's word and be guillable; coz, obviously, they know better. And anyways, pessimists are the most imaginative and creative people of the two (they can imagine disaster in it's detail DUH). You can never get the better of a pessmimist (are you kidding me?) coz a pessimist doesn't just put him/herself out there. And it's not like life plays fair, anyway. That's why i love being a pessimist. I play safe all the time and if good things come my way, let them!! If they don't, they never do anyway. Which is why i see no point in you wanting to be an optimist; a somebody else!

Answer 2

Pessimism is not seeing things realistically. Its seeing things through grey glasses no differently than optismists seeing the world though rose tinted shades. The point of realism is to see the world through clear glasses.

I had the same problem for a long time.
This helped me.
I learned to meditate....that had a lot of benefits I am too tired to write now -
I wrote a gratitude list of twenty five things that were nice at the end of every day. Over time your mind will start to look for things to put on that list. Its not easy at first. little things are the stuff of life - someone telling you a joke - even if its bad, they wanted to tell you, be happy for thier enthusiasm. The cashier who recognizes you when you come in the store. That you have heat and food (because some dont) that you have YA to keep you amused. You get the idea.
I did this for a long time (three years and counting)
It helps a lot - but it took about 6 months before I started to notice HOW MUCH my mind had changed. Just one day I said "wow, that didnt phase me as much as it once would have" when faced with something I didnt like.
Attitude is a function of perception. and the lens you look at the world through can be changed.
I was the last person to think that I could be less negative - but I spite myself everyday. Go figure.
Good Luck - it really is easier to live life when you dont harness so much energy into being negative. Including our expectations. I know what you mean about feeling fake. that is fake. the point is to make a list that is authentic to you. then you grow authentically.
email me if you like
Good Luck

Answer 3

You can also do a lot of positive self-talk. Whenever you start to think negative thoughts, start saying the opposite. Start doing positive self-talk even before the negative thoughts have a chance, when you first wake up, when you are in a shower, when you are driving (especially at night when no one can see you) etc. Try to see the good in everything or try to see both sides of the coin instead of just the negatives. Think of the good things that can happen, not just the bad. If you look behind you all the time (at past negatives) when you drive, how can you see in front of you where you are going: you would get into an accident, no? If you say if I had only done this/that then.... or if you see your day as entirely messed up when something does not go according to plan, then think about how much got done that day and how nothing bad happened (or if something "bad" did happen, try to see what lesson you learned and chalk it up to how you can avoid the mishap next time and see what positives did come out of it or what you still have and who you still are). Don't let anyone get you down.
Joyce Meyer (a religious speaker) talked about how she used to be and changed or is changing. She said to say: Today is going to be a great/good day. God is going to bless me today. See how far you've come, not how much farther you have to go.
Reset those tapes in your head. Erase them and make new interactions, connections within your mind. Reroute your brain cells with new patterns of thinking. Think about what your goal is and do it step by step, bit by bit and you may even start feeling better too. Yeah, people and circumstances may let you down, but you can't let that let you down.

Answer 4

It's never too late to retrain your self and redirect your thoughts. I was always very pessimistic also until I met my wife. Being around her has worn off on me. She sees the best in everybody and always tries to see both sides of a story. She has taught me how much more enjoyable life can be when you have a positive outlook. Start with being thankful for all of the things you have and look at how truly blessed you are. If you have a roof over your head, clothes, food and can support yourself, you are richer than most people in this world. It's your choice, be negative and bring people down or be a positive influence on others and enjoy your life and your blessings. I changed, you can, too!

Answer 5

it is possible to be optimistic when you have been pessimistic your entire life. It's like you're right handed and wonder if because you had an arm injury if you could write with your left hand...sure you can, it would take a lot of time to learn, but it "may" never feel comfortable or be your best written signature, but you could do it. It's like can you do an art picture in college if you have to for an assignment...sure you can. Would you feel comfortable at doing it if you dislike art, sure you can, for a grade if you have to, but would it feel like you, well maybe not. So I suspect if you wanted to change, or incorporate more positive things into your life you could do it, but only if you really want to. If you want to be all positive then that may not happen because you will always have to be reminding yourself to be positive. You learned one way (and knew that one way for a long time) so re-learning would be difficult.

Above, you said you want to change and then you sabotaged yourself by saying "but" which the "but" means you really don't want to learn.

Answer 6

Well I'm that too I am even more satisfied with me being pessimistic because I do not expect a lot from any situations and that would prevent me from hurting so bad... but my being pessimistic is not to a great level.
I think what both of us should do is to focus on ourselves our strength and let's try to be appreciative of everything... I think it'll work!

Answer 7

wow, that's kind of like 'set your expectations low and avois disappointment.' I guess, though what you say is true, look for the good aspects of life. There are many pros to life, and if you look for the best in most situations, you'll be surprised that you can clearly see them. I think it's completely possible. I do not, however, think you can suddenly change overnight. It might take a while.

Answer 8

yes it is!! my wife smashes pies in my face to open me up a bit. helps, not kidding!