My husband and I have been married for 7 years but lately he's been a different kind of man. I don't trust him (he's been emailing a female coworker back and forth and I just found out about it). He yells and cusses at me all the time. He used to be a lot nicer to our 2 small kids (ages 5 and 3). I stay home with the kids while he works. He's only off a couple of nights a week and when he's off, he would rather be out with his co-workers at their little get togethers (the ones that our "ENTIRE" family used to be invited to).
I guess the final question is: WHEN DO I WASH MY HANDS AND CALL IT QUITS OVER HERE??? I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THE FOOL LATER IF HE DECIDES HE'S LEAVING US.
. . . . . . Advice folks, please!
2007-03-20 18:29:17 · 15 answers · asked by tdubya 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marraige isn't something you walk away from lightly. There are children involved and they will feel the most of the effects. If your already asking this question you already have 1 foot out the door. it seems as though your husband has 2 feet out the door. I would recommend getting some counseling. You are a family. You didn't take vows that said you would stay with each other through sickness and in health unless I change my mind 7 years later. I say this to you as a divorcee. I don't mean to be hypocritical. I just know the after effects and who suffers the most. Sometimes we learn our lesson a little later in life. And sometimes it's too late. Think of your kids.
2007-03-20 18:41:12 · answer #1 · answered by spiritius4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a baby sitter for the kids one night - - like take them to grandma's to spend the night. Then you and your husband go out to dinner. Come home, sit down and have a serious talk about your marriage and what each of you can do to make it work out. There's two sides to every situation - - - you need to listen to him and he needs to listen to you. Don't make accusations and don't use the word "YOU" too much when confronting each other. You have been married 7 years. This is typical in many marriages - - even the good ones. I call it the 7-year itch. It's when the honeymoon is long over, you have small kids and there's too many distractions that are pulling the couple apart. You can give in to it and throw in the towel or you can fight to save your marriage for the sake of your kids - - - who really need both their parents together to raise them. I went through a rocky period during this 7-year-itch time in my own marriage. We weathered the storm, unbeknownst to my husband (who didn't have a clue how miserable I was). Now we've been married 25 years and couldn't be closer or happier. Our kids have benefited more than I can even begin to tell you!
Is he willing to go to counseling? If not, at least check out this website:
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
This is a Christian author, but you don't have to be Christian to benefit from his book & resources called "The Five Love Languages". You may learn some valuable things that you never realized about you and your husband and each of your individual needs. Good luck you you both.
2007-03-21 01:48:33 · answer #2 · answered by TPhi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's over already. I'm so sorry. I agree with whomever said to start saving money. Or, have a good secret plan put together (like cleaning out a larger account as you're leaving or figuring out if you can afford the house) and make sure you look after yourself. It depends a lot on your past work experience. Are you able to go back to work and earn a good living to raise your children and take care of yourself?
I hate to say this, but EVERYONE loses it in some way during the whole divorce thing and you have your children to raise and support. Don't count on him to do it. I have seen many responsible "family men" abandon their children because they align the children with their mothers directly, taking no responsibility for them after "she" decided to leave.
In response to those who wish to convince you to stay for your children, let me say this... My parents only divorced after I was well into my teens because my mother didn't want us to go without a father. You know what? We were all miserable. After he left, and gave my mother nothing and almost starved us all, we were happier. A child's happiness is built on security and love, and unless their father is giving them that, get him out of their sight, and be a team of three. A strong team with one less member is still a better team than one with players who are dragging everyone down.
2007-03-21 01:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by wsibwigu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you tell your husband that you don't feel happy in your relationship with him, explain to him why, and ask him to go for marriage counselling together with you.
And if he doesn't take your concerns seriously and refuses to go for marriage counselling, then this will be the right time to start the divorce proceedings.
But if at any time before your divorce is finalized he changes his mind and agrees to go for marriage counselling with you, then you should give him a chance and try to save your marriage.
The advantage of marriage counselling is that the counsellor is neutral and authoritative. And a good marriage counsellor will insist on fairness for both sides.
If you try to fix your marriage without a professional marriage counsellor, then you'll probably end up arguing and fighting with your husband a lot. And instead of fixing your marriage, you can make it even worse.
2007-03-21 01:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like hes cheating to me. Emailing a coworker and his attitude has changed completely towards your family together! Yeah I definately say hes got something going on. Since you don't work though, you probally aren't stable to leave with your kids. So just start putting back money and get a job. And tell him to kick rocks with his co worker!
2007-03-21 01:35:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry for the difficult times you have been enduring. These situations are never easy for anyone. It seems like things are staring to get real messy. My best advice to you is listen to your heart. You are a women with needs and feelings. You dont deserve to be walked over. Take a long hard look at your self in the mirror and ask yourself what have you done to contribute to his behavior and what have you done to try and help. Ask yourself those 2 questions and dont forget what I said before and you will find your answer.
2007-03-21 01:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by Forbidden1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say stay for the sake of the children but that sometimes is not the best thing to do.
If there is tension in the home the kids will pick up and how healthy is it for you to hear his cussing
that's verbal abuse.
Sit him down talk to him tell him if he does not change you are leaving.
If he's not willing to change then you do what you have to do.You and your kids deserve better than that!
2007-03-21 01:42:20 · answer #7 · answered by selma b 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seven years can allow things and your love to become way too familiar. Not that sex is an answer but have you spent quality time with him, made dates with and for him and TALKED. Marriage is not an easy task, he will be the one to have input. Some people get too caught up thinking the grass is greener. So sad, good luck and I hope it gets better
2007-03-21 01:44:45 · answer #8 · answered by mizzmel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you need to start saving money in a secret place...In preparation for your impending divorce...
2007-03-21 01:32:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Happily married men don't cheat.
What is he getting (or hoping to get) from this other woman that he is not getting from his own wife?
(Be honest!)
What would it cost his wife to give him the same thing?
2007-03-21 01:38:49 · answer #10 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋