Kind enough to allow ex-gf to move in as she had absolutely no where to go..?

Question

We had been together for 5 years and things just went downhill the last 2 years or so. We had our own place and were suddenly unlawfully evicted, and forced to immediately move in with a family member of mine. We stayed here for over a year, then we broke up. She has no where to go, and no friends who are in a position to help her out. I made her leave and stay with her mother, who has a studio apartment with her husband. She calls me after 3 days and tells me her mother said she cannot stay there, theres no space. She cries and begs me to let her stay here. We reluctantly allow her back, ONLY so she can get a job and move out. Now she's having guys from MYSPACE call here. Should a girl in this position suddenly be having guys calling her at MY families house? Do I not have all the right in the world to feel completely disrespected? I am 150% over her, there's honestly not a bit of jealousy in my frustration. She thinks its completely acceptable. Should I not feel upset???

ya did he forget to say he cheated on me and i was the one work for like the whole time he left me for a girl he meet at the frigin bar tell me im wrong wth

Answer 1

KICK HER OUT!!!!! If she can't handle her own stuff and maintain relationships with her family or other people who would be willing to help her then she needs to go to a shelter or something. Sorry if this sounds harsh....but if you push her to it, she'll find another option. You're just a convienent place to drop her stuff.

Answer 2

No, you should not feel apset. 5 years is a long time, and you guys probably have more of a friendship realationship by this tyme, because as you are saying you do not care for her anymore. It was very kind of you to let her live wuth you in this situation, but you are not together anymore, so what is your problem with her talking on the phone with other males. i do not hbing she disrespects you any any way. She is just trying to move on with her life, and for right now, as you say, she has no other choice. Look at this like that. She is kind of a roomate for you now, would you mind your roommate to talk to other girls/guys? I do not think so. So if you made the desision to help her out and let her stay with you, which was very nice of you, you should have thought about it before you did it, now you have nothing to complain about. Try to start a new life too. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You know it is your family place. But if you agreed to her moving in why cant she be called by potential boyfriends or friends? Why should you feel disrespected if she is your x and you do not what to be with her, and she has a friend call your house? You did agree to this and now you are acting jealous about the whole thing. Yes you will, but at the same time she has a life and if its not with you it will be with someone else. so you just have to let go and be her friend or be jealous and be angry all the time. Sorry but you invited her and this is your problem with her period, not that she is a girl who you are just helping out. Its normal what else is she to do, go back with you and do you want her and if not why is it a problem for her to get phone calls? Take care Heather

Answer 4

Well, you have the right but it does appear to make you look jealous to her. I guess the thing is you need to establish some ground rules with her and make sure they are followed. If she is not to recieve phone calls at your house let her know and tell her first thing first she needs to get a prepaid phone so this will stop. Set a limit to how long she is allowed to stay and how long you will give her to get a job. Make sure she knows her deadlines and that you all will seriously kick her out since she is not your responsiblity. Make sure she is helping out in the house, she shouldn't live there without doing something to contribute. If you don't lay the ground rules you are giving her run of the house. I'd even put them in writing and make her sign a copy that way you always have that to fall back on.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

She should be soliciting jobs not relationships. Nobody should ever behaving guys or girls call them from My Space. There are daily news reports about the incumbant danger when doing so.

Yes you're being disrespected as is your family. You should both be job hunting actively so that you can stop imposing on your family.

Frankly I would give her a specific amount of time to get work and tell her if not she needs to start making the rounds of welfare agencies because she will not be welcome at your families home.

I can't believe you allow her to take advantage of your family who so generously allow you to stay there. You are enough of a burden without moving in ex girlfriends. Show some respect for these wonderful people that opened their doors to you. Work to get both of you out of there as quickly as possible.

Answer 6

I... like you, were a kind hearted soul who did what they thought was right. Call it the "milk of human kindness" or chriatian charity, but you did what you did out of kindness. Your mistake was letting her back in, regardless of the situation.
I was kind to my ex and took her in several times. If it weren't for our son (I had custody), I would've never done this. But I did. This happened 17 years ago, and to date I have NEVER received one thank you for keeping her off the streets. And this woman still tries to stab me in the back whenever she can. Looking back on it, I would've done things differently.

Your ex-gf IS being disrespectful. I would sit her down and remind her that she's there because of your sufference. She's being provided with a roof over her head, presumabably food, and other ammenities. Her using the phone is a privilage, not a right. You need to make up your mind, give her a date to move out by, and stick with it. And PLEASE whatever you do, DO NOT sleep with her under ANY circumstances. You'll only be asking for trouble if you do. Like that Who song, "Won't Get Fooled Again," take heed bro.

Answer 7

It's a tough call since you didn't restrict her from using the phone, even though it is entirely impolite to treat it as her own. You have every right to feel upset, but you did let her back in. Approach the situation calmly. Let her know what she can and cannot do while she is a guest at your house...since she is nothing more. She better understand or its the door. I doubt she is having job interviews from guys at myspace.

Answer 8

It's definitely a concern. She has herself in this situation, now she's trying to hook up with another guy. Shouldn't she be getting back on her feet and forgetting guys?

Anyway, I would just tell her she can't receive personal calls on the phone. Only calls related to business (i.e. places to live, jobs, etc) Don't make it sound like guys can't call her, just no one personal.

Answer 9

You should feel upset if you have feelings for her (which I suspect after a 5 year relationship you HAVE to feel something).... If your letting a friend in need stay at your place, then isnt it ok for her to be an adult? If your letting her stay there for more, then that isnt ok... I mean, if she stayed with her mom, could she get those calls? If your over her, then she can hang with whoever she wants right?

Answer 10

I do think that it's a bit trashy of her to have those guys call your family's house. Why not tell her that it's pretty disrespectful, especially because they are guys off the internet. It is not as if it is her boyfriend or friends.