I caught my wife exchanging very intimate letters with someone who she only met over the internet and they are now emotionally involved and want to see each other. The guy even sent money. I was suspicious so I hacked into my wife's email and found these letters out. Was I wrong in invading my wife's privacy?
2007-03-20 17:53:43 · 11 answers · asked by ANTONIO R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you are wrong. YOu can't use those letters in evidence before the court. Those are "fruits of the poisonous tree."
2007-03-20 17:56:44 · answer #1 · answered by nina 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nope. But I may be biased because I check up occasionally. My theory is you were joined as one person and vowed to share your lives. If you cannot be made to testify in a court of law against a spouse because you are viewed as one person then...
I'm thinking she is wrong for having this relationship. As for the answer about a fling on the internet and an actual affair being two different things, personally I feel emotional intimacy is worse than sex. But you are not asking if she is wrong or what you should do, just if you should feel guilty.
What you did is a form of eavesdropping and as they say, and I've learned, eavesdroppers never hear any good news. To my way of thinking if what you did was wrong then you paid your dues by learning this upsetting news. However, if you feel guilty for invading her privacy, tell her so you are not sneaking around like she is.
2007-03-20 18:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
were you wrong?
that is a good question.
A better question should be what will you do about it? do you think she is having an affair? Racy intimate emails are one thing, and actual affair is another matter entirely. Do you want a divorce? Do you find this exciting? (two entirely different reactions, means different things to different people)
if you want a divorce, I'd hire a private investigator and notify himt hat you think your wife is having an affair. Have this PI follow the pair, and then when you have direct evidence, use it for the divorce proceedings. Just don't tell him you got your information from snooping in your wife's emails.
Now if you find the idea exciting, mention to your wife about how you are interested in opening up your marriage and see how she reacts...
2007-03-20 18:00:29 · answer #3 · answered by Adorabilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you were wrong...
Having said that, I must say that I will not even go into my wife's purse, even if she asks me to. I won't open mail addressed to her even if I know its something like a credit card bill.
She has never ASKED me to respect these boundaries, I choose to do so out of courtesy. I respect her privacy because she has never given me reason not too. We both work very hard to keep an open and honest relationship.
However if one of the spouses becomes dishonest all bet are off!!
2007-03-20 18:28:20 · answer #4 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think so.. i believe that husbands and wives shouldnt have secrets from each other.. i think thats when trouble brews.. i have alot of different emails but my husband has free access to them all, and the same goes for him as well.. i have access to his.. in the beginning we use to check up on each other alot see what was going on but after we both realized there wasnt anything to find, cause neither of us was doing anything wrong it built a trust, do we still have access to each others things, YEP.. but we dont feel the need to check up on each other all the time either.. but if either of us want to we can at any time.. he has access to everything of mine .. whether its online, or in normal daily life.. he's my husband and i share my life with him completely.. the moment u start dividing ur things, and keeping ur spouse in the dark about things, thats when trouble occurs.. Your wife thought u'd never know, never find out, and thats why she had no problem hiding another man from you..and had no problem being emotionally intimate with someone else.. She chose the route of hiding things causing doubt in you and u found it... u had every right, this affects your life..
2007-03-20 18:29:46 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether it was wrong of you to "hack" your wife's e-mail is a non-issue.
The issue is her having a "relationship" outside the sanctity of your marriage.
It sounds like you need to get to WHY she did this. Then set her down and lay it on the line - it's just another form of cheating - if she is willing to STOP (whatever it takes) and recommit herself to your marriage and you are willing to forgive her and learn to trust her again, then find a good marital therapist or clergy to help you get back on track.
If she takes off with some guy she doesn't even know - she never deserved you to begin with. I'm assuming you are a good husband.
Best of luck.
2007-03-20 18:21:06 · answer #6 · answered by Believe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When something bothers me, I can't wait to start asking questions!!! If you tell her you hacked her mail, it could escalate the problem and she may actually run away. Tell her you feel so isolated these days and you want to plan a trip someplace or that you would like to take her out to dinner this week. If she looks excited, then you can save this marriage now..
I would keep reading the e-mails until you decide what to do next.
2007-03-20 18:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by ♫ Melody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not wrong for looking at her emails... if u looked at them for no reason u are still not wrong ... when u marry someone you agree to make your life and their life one... you agree that you will always be there for all the good and the bad moments ... then whats this whole privacy thing between ur spouse and you ... i feel like ppl (like ur cheating wife ) use it as a excuse to do the typ of things that ur wife did to u .... and there should be no secretes or anything hidden ... and she is the one cheating on you .... SHE IS WRONG !!!!!!
2007-03-20 18:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by khushbu_128 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't pry into private communications as a routine matter
however if for some reason you have good reason to believe
that something is going on, then you have every right to investigate...You did and you caught her...She crossed the
line but she did not actually cheat....It is not too late to save
the marriage as long as she sees the error of her ways and
asks for forgiveness..
2007-03-20 18:03:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hell no you are not, she gave you a reason to look...and it does include what you say for privacy, but what is she going to do sue you she has been having an affair..
2007-03-20 17:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋