I have been trying to get my partner to counselling for over two months of pure hell. Ou relationship had alot of probelms before this but he wouldn't think about therapy, even when i suggest pre wedding counselling. For some reason he cant tell anyone any problems he has everything has to b behind closed doors. One prob was that i felt really controlled. Before we married I was given an ultimatum about cig smoking saying he wouldn't marry me unless i gave up. So i agreed bec I didn't want to loose him but it was always a prob how that was done. I have since been smoking when we argue, but so does he. His excuse was he never made a vow about it. the last straw was when he refused to go to counselling unless I satisfied all these coditions, which I thought was crap bec if you need help u need help. After aying I couldn't go on without going to therapy, i went by myself when he was ment to come, i went out with friends that night as i was miserable. when I came home there was a note....
2007-03-20 17:29:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
saying to open a new bank account, that the computer was locked and never talk to him again. That night i literally begged for him to just talk it was humiliating. when we managed to talk the next night he basically said i wont talk to you unless you keep your vow of not smoking. I tired to explain saying that what he was doing was controlling, A BIG problem for me. in the end i said i couldn't do that not becaus eof giving up but bec he was again trying to controll the situation. I begged him to do it any other way, i told him I didn't want it that way. Did I do the right thing??
2007-03-20 17:32:33 · update #1
Your partner is definitely manipulating you...
That is not a battle that you can fight with you mouth and mind...it will surely take control of your spirit...and the next thing that you know...you won't be able to leave...
It is just like a woman being physically abused...she always second guesses what is going on or whether or not she needs to leave...and before long, she doesn't feel "normal" without the abuse...
Time out for trying to rationalize the behavior...you should most definitely move on with your life...
It won't be easy, but a spirit of manipulation always wants the situation to be "normalized" to their expectation... as it keeps them out of harms way of loosing the upper hand in the relationship...
I am not saying that things couldn't turn out better in the long run...being that couseling in manifestation is one of your conditions of return...
But at this time...your safety is the most important issue...things like this can eat away at the person you are...and the next thing you won't even know yourself...
So, if you can't see yourself in this situation 5, 10, or 15 years from now, then you should surely move on...
You have to ask yourself if this is something that you are willing to commit to til' then end all...
and is this a situation that you would want to live out dreams in...if not, then he needs to "man up" and do what it is going to take to get you to return to your marriage once you have left....
2007-03-20 17:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by LIFECOACH 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most definitely the right thing.He is leaving you cause you smoke?He needs a shrink and you don't need him.He has control issues and will never get over them unless he gets help(which he won't get cause he thinks his way is right and everyone else is wrong).DO NOT marry this guy,or the rest of your life will be like this.Go have a smoke and enjoy your new found freedom-I would!!!
2007-03-20 22:09:08 · answer #2 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did the note say?
And from what you first posted this guy is a control freak and will eventually make you into his slave who follows all of his commands - get out now whilst you can still see something wrong with his actions.
If he was going to go to counselling he would of already gone
2007-03-20 17:34:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please check this out.
http://www.leavingabuse.com/powerwheel.html
If your relationship has any components seen on the wheel then do not marry that man till you get therapy. It is all about power and if you lack it in the relationship or he has too much then it will usually escalate to other things. Domestic violence usually doesn't begin @ the beginning. I was w/ a man 4 yrs till he got worse.
2007-03-20 18:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by LUCY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea you did. nothing worse than a control freak or wife beater. they think they can control every aspect of your life and for most women nowadays its not happenin. but some women (an im sorry for sayin this but its true) are stupid enough to think they need them an love them sooooo much. what they dont realize is that if their mate truly loved them then they wouldnt treat them like that and trust wouldnt be an issue. LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. hope this helps you hun.
2007-03-20 18:22:44 · answer #5 · answered by war 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like it is time to break it off and move on
to a less abusive and more reasonable partner..
2007-03-20 18:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run...run for your life and never look back! You've only just seen the tip of the iceberg!
2007-03-20 17:34:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get rid of him you can do better
2007-03-20 17:33:49 · answer #8 · answered by fearsnoevil 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋