I like him, but I dont love him, I dont have the passion for him. I should say he is a nice guy, intelligent, not bad looking, considerate, loyal and he loves me very much. We talk a lot and the communication is not bad. But he is not physically strong enough, and he is not romantic, and he cant give me the excitement, he doesnt have many hobbies, and I feel bored living with him. Also, as a lack of passion, sex to me is only sex, its not love making.
I have been married for 4 months. What should I do, is it better to divorce? I think a person's personality is hard to change, so that means he will stay the way he is, and I will always feel bored being with him. Then what can I do?
2007-03-20 17:11:18 · 15 answers · asked by jing j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
call it quits before you have kids and then you really will be stuck. Better to end it now then later.
2007-03-20 17:55:51 · answer #1 · answered by darkcloud5757 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are and I don't know what you were thinking when you got married, unless you were just bored and looking for something to do! You made a commitment to him and just because he don't fill the bill early in the marriage, you're ready to dump him! You should be ashamed! You said that he was loyal, honest and that he loves you very much. If you can't have any more patience than 4 months, BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A RUDE AWAKENING SOMEDAY SOON! AND I MEAN SOON! If and when you ever find someone who has all of the passion you're looking for, you will probably not have the rest of the qualities you say that your husband has. You are not being fair to him! If all you were looking for mainly was a good time, you should have stayed single, and slept around a little more before you got married and ruined someone else's life who will be devastated if you do such a low down and mean thing to him, like divorce him this soon! Shame on You! Sorry if you don't like my answer and I'm sure I won't get the points but it's how I feel.
2007-03-20 17:40:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you want passion from love making or a good man for life. You had better get a grip on reality that passion does not stay for ever in any relationship. It maybe you one day that lose the desire to be passionate its not something that last for 20, 30, 40, to 50 years of marriage. To much goes on in a life time to many thing can interfere with that great love making passion that you are dreaming about. So if you just want hot sex and great passionate love making then yes you have the wrong guy you will need to change up many times in a life time to continue to have that.
2007-03-20 17:21:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My senior year of high school we were put through a relationship class for a semester. One thing they taught us was "you'll fall out of love" the passion will not stay forever, and the romance will fade. That is why there is one thing that is very important to remember when building a relationship, build it with a friendship, make sure that the interest you take in the person goes beyond a sexual/romantic one. Make sure that you share interests, and that you've always got something new to talk about. It'll make the relationship lasting and strong.
So what I'm getting at is you have 2 options, try to work things out, perhaps go to councilling talk to him about it, and fix what's broken. Or go the easy way with a divorce. Remember though, a divorce is 2 ways, you need to discuss this with your husband see how he feels.
2007-03-20 17:18:25 · answer #4 · answered by Seeing you I loose myself 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you've said the problem is you, not him and if anyone needs to change it's you. He can't of changed that much in 4 months that you shouldn't have noticed what you believe he is lacking before then. If he wasn't what you wanted why did you marry him? Also do you not realize how lucky you are to find someone who has all the qualities that you said he has. You don't seem to have much respect for him and are letting some unrealistic ideal image of the perfect man blind you to the man that you have. If you can't change how you see him you should divorce him for his sake so he can find a woman that deserves his love. I'm sorry if this seems rude but you sound like a selfish woman.
2007-03-20 17:58:38 · answer #5 · answered by C T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering why you married him. Didn't you ever feel a spark? Were your expectations of "happily ever after" too high? Do yourself a favor before throwing in the towel and hurting this man. Go to counseling. And also, very importantly, read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. And hopefully, you can get your husband to read this book also. They may have it in audio or video format as well as book form. It is an all-time bestseller and has helped many, many relationships. Check on www.amazon.com to be sure. I think this book may open some doors for you and your husband to better understand each other.
2007-03-20 17:50:43 · answer #6 · answered by TPhi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know this man before marrying him? It sounds as though this was an arranged marriage. If you don't have much in common, he is boring, he isn't passionate, and he isn't physically strong enough, what did you find in this man that made you want to get married to him? I'd say that yes you should get divorced because you don't stay married to a guy just because you like him and he's an okay guy????????
2007-03-20 17:23:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can not change who someone is, and if he has changed sinch you married him maybe he is bored with you too... You should never stay with someone you have no passion or love for, its just wasting yours and his time... First I would say for you to open your heart and try a little bit harder, I was told when you have figured out the problem you always want to look down on it.. and maybe you should try to get him to do things like you do, when I married my husband I knew who he was, and there were things I didnt like about him, but I made him a little bit more like me by not pushing just opening his eyes to what I like to do.. Try something new like grab a pillow and knock the heck out of him see if it brings open a door of fun for him.. hide his clothes when he gets out of the shower.. oh yeah my favorite is hide the toilet paper when you know they have to number 2 and make them yell for you to get it and then laugh at them lol... I am not being mean I am just one of them people that like to have fun.. Good luck and if your heart is not in it dont stay...
2007-03-20 17:18:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best option is neither divorce nor a life of drudgery. I'd suggest you grow up. No relationship ever stays exciting. They all have ebbs and flows. You barely mention his few hobbies, but reading between the lines makes me wonder if he isn't in trouble--maybe overwork or simply a feeling of isolation--and trying to meet you halfway, where you won't meet him. You should be asking him, not us, what you can do.
2007-03-20 17:32:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you didn't spend enough time with him before you married. Sounds like you were not prepared to be a wife. Project your life today into the next 30 to 40 years. Can you live with that?
2007-03-20 17:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by CaliforniaT 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first question is why did you marry this man. you dont marry
someone and give your self completed. to a man that you
like that the problem, you should have been honest him
and your self before you did this. you need to let him know'
how you feel if you want to save this try talking to a marriage
counseling about the passion that you not getting,
2007-03-20 17:19:17 · answer #11 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋