my perfectionism is driving me insane?

Question

I sense myself to be inadequate in comparison to others. Due to the feelings of embarrassment developed in some events when I was a seven grader, I started to isolate myself. also, sometimes when I was being criticized, I found it highly intolerable. I kept protecting myself in my mind, like saying "well, is not that a big deal. There is no need to be sad" (u can tell I am giving myself excuses.) In some way, I seemed to have a strong expectation of criticism from others. It seemed like that everyone could find "obvious" mistakes from my work. My sense of inadequacy and expectation of criticism seem to stem from my perfectionism. It is driving me insane. I am not sure if I have OCD or not. I guess I kind of have it(I scored 65 on a OCD test. On that test, People with OCD scored about 80. People without OCD scored about 40).

I need help. Any advice please? how should I view myself in a better way?

one example would be: I cant start my term paper cuz I dont want to see "all those mistakes" on my paper, even though it is going to due soon.

Answer 1

you most likely do not have OCD - what you have is hypervigilience (you notice everything) which is a componant of, you guessed it, being highly critical. You are most likely also suffering from anxiety. Which also explains the high score.
You are so critical because you have internalized those voices that are critical - -
You have it the wrong way around - you have a high sense of perfectionism because you feel inadequate.
As someone who has been there....
get some therapy. tell the therapist exactly what you have said here...
you might also like the book "healing the shame that binds you" by bradshaw (I think it was written by him, its the only book with that tittle that I know) even if you werent abused, etc. there are some valuable lessons in that book for people who are overly critical.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

I believe most behavior is adaptations a child makes to stay in the safe or love zone with their parents. Over corrective parents can breed a perfectionist. I struggle to raise my daughter in a loving way with guidance but i think I am feeding her perfectionism. Mistakes are ok. Love doesn't stop if your not perfect. People are conditional love givers. Perfect love is a unconditional love to an imperfect person. Take it easy on yourself. the hardest thing is to laugh at yourself when others are critiquing you. Build your self esteem up with reality of imperfection not idealism. Good luck I struggle also. Hope this helps. baby steps

Answer 3

Do you just think about things all the time without acting upon it. If this is the case you may have just OD. if you act upon those thoughs you may have OCD. Or maybe you are just an A type personality where as in everything has to be just so so or your not happy. If you are really bothered by it, please go see a doctor. Deb

Answer 4

Realize that perfectionism is an imperfection in and of itself and that being a perfectionist actually makes you more likely to fail because you spend too much time perfecting a task instead of moving on.

Answer 5

Try some subliminal cd's----if you can tolerate that.. they have a lot of good ones on ebay.
Good luck to you.