I have been out of the dating arena for 16+ years(Wife died 1st of last year). I just started dating again for companionship and have had 10 dates with one woman(divorced) and left her due to pressure for a live in commitment. I started dating another(divorced) and after dating her 12 times am starting to get the same thing. Is it common to want someone to move in after a short period of time or I am missing something here? I had no sexual interaction(other than a kiss goodnight) with the first one and spent just one night with the second one. I can't figure out how to just remain friends for awhile without a woman wanting to get into an immediate longterm commitment. I didn't mislead either one. I told them both I liked them, but I wasn't looking for a commitment right now. I don't want them to get hurt, but how do you date for awhile without them getting too attached right away? Are women faster than they used to be or are they craving a nice guy when they find one? A Clue?
2007-03-20 16:16:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In additon. I don't date but one woman at a time - I am not what they call a "player". I don't have a lot of money. I do tell them I am just looking for someone to enjoy time with and no long term thing in mind. I do open their doors, bring them a flower, help them on with their coat, pay them compliments, and let them make the choice of where they want to go out.
2007-03-20 16:40:25 · update #1
it is called security....... for them to feel that way or rush into a commitment
besides you need to be more open with them when you date them - of remaining friends until the right time
but hey bud - life is too short for wasting time
2007-03-20 16:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going through the same thing I am as far as dating.It seems that things have changed alot in the past twenty years.
I try to make it clear when meeting someone new that I'm looking for friendship and someone to enjoy activities with.Soon after they become more aggressive in the relationship area.I have ended three friendships because of this in the past six years.If I start feeling the pressure to commit then I try to tell them nicely how I feel again and usually it doesn't go over very well.If you find the answer to this I sure would like to know what it is also.
2007-03-20 23:30:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a divorced woman over 40, I have a couple of thoughts about this. One, for many women it is the companionship, the daily routine, partnership, having what was their normal way of life back. They need that live in relationship.
Another thought on this subject is go slowly. Let the lady know up front you find her interesting, enjoyable etc. but you have to take things slowly, you want to get to really know her and be honest that you are not looking for someone to move in with you right a way. Good luck. It is tough out there especially after being in a long term relationship.
2007-03-20 23:29:07 · answer #3 · answered by loveseat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 49 and currently in the middle of a divorce. Both of my kids are grown. All I know at this stage of my life, is how to be part of a "unit". My energy has always gone into helping others succeed (my kids, my husband,etc.). The last thing I want is another commitment, but I know that if I met a good man it would be hard for me not to want to create the "unit" that I'm so familiar with....which is why I can't bring myself to date. Even if I did date....cohabitating would be the last thing on my mind, but then I'd be in conflict with not wanting to just sleep with someone at my age. It's hard. The ironic thing is, my husband is already seeing someone "recreationally" (his words, not mine)and swears he will never get into another long term relationship. It will be interesting to see if he encounters YOUR problems.
2007-03-20 23:41:30 · answer #4 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not over 40 but I am a woman and it sound like security ...if you have money then there are those type of woman that want your money..
then there are a few that are looking for a roomate...with little extras...
seriously.. do not move in with a woman unless you intend to marry the woman...or be in an exclusive committed relationship
2007-03-20 23:30:38 · answer #5 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's the divorced thing. I'm 42 and don't want to live with a man unless he is married to me. Never been married and like having my own address to come back to. I'm too independent to want a man living with me without a commitment... So look for a single girl who has never been married.
Good Luck
2007-03-20 23:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We live in a 'fast food' society so it's not uncommon for men or women to broach living together nowadays much sooner than they used to.
However also give thought to the age of the women you are dating. They are in their 40s, the dating pool is a LOT smaller than it used to be for them, and they may feel they are running out of time (good years left).
Be patient...there are still plenty of us out there that aren't in a hurry to move in together or marry or do anything other than have fun and see where things lead (on a natural course).
You have no control over how quickly the women you date "get attached". Just keep being honest and up front about your intentions and desires from the beginning, and if they get their feelings hurt then that's on them...not you.
2007-03-20 23:23:42 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words. Some people try to take advantage of a person especially if they know a love one has died. A lot of women that age are looking for SECURITY. My husband died 2 years ago and men sensed that I was lonely and they will try to take advantage of your loneliness. No it's not uncommon for people to "shack up" any more. Even that soon. it's happening more and more.
2007-03-20 23:25:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be a "good on paper" guy.(stable, employed, home owner) Sounds like these women are just trying to not lose what they see as a good thing. Keep doing what you're doing and hold your ground about not getting serious til you feel comfortable. I think single/divorced women this age are looking to get the ball rolling quickly. Keep being honest, you sound like a stand up kinda guy.
Good luck :)
2007-03-20 23:24:19 · answer #9 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like lonely, and pathetic.
since you have been out of the game for a while you don't seem to be picking too well.
look for ladies that are bit more secure and independent. then you might be in for a surprise
2007-03-20 23:31:27 · answer #10 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they are faster..., my brother started dating again, he's 45 and he has said the same thing to me. They (the gals) start talking about getting married after a handful of dates and he wants to get to actually KNOW them before he goes that far.
2007-03-20 23:21:28 · answer #11 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋