Aboout my wife?

Question

Heres my problem,

I married my wife and brang her to Australia. We have been together for 8 months, she loved her mum sincerely. Ever since she came to Australia with me she always chated with her mum, which I didn’t mind but to me I felt like she cared about her mum more than me. Yes, she did say yes to the marriage but her father encouraged her to do so and her mother really didn’t want it due to the far distance (the mother lives in Turkey). I loved her a lot when I said yes I did have some doubts about her because I thought she was abit stubborn but in time I learned that she had other nice qualities about her. No matter what I did I felt like her mother was the first priority in her heart. If I took her out to dinner she would look at the time and she couldn’t wait till she got home to talk to her mum. Now, recently after 8 months I sent her back for a holiday and now she refuses to come back, she did have some problems with my mum but I moved out to my sisters house and I also made sure I got a job and she knew that we were going to move out to our own little place. She told every bad things about here, but that’s life bad things do happen and I expected her to be side by me but instead she left me. Her parents just took over everything and I don’t know what to do, shes got 3 months to come back and if she doesn’t come back in time her ticket is going to expire and maybe her Visa to. This is her third time she done this to me the other two times her parents requested their daughter to come back and we as the whole family managed get around it but this time she really blew it. The father in law rang my house saying that “my daughter has told me everything and use have treated my daughter with no respect at all”, which is all a lie, all a lie that she probably told them. She usually did this when I didn’t give her attention but I had to test her out she went over seas I rang her first day she went there everything was smooth the second time I emailed her and she didn’t check her account the third time I chatted with her and she said “I’ve been waiting for three days why didn’t you come on msn” and I told her “well I wanted to wait to see if you were going to email me but you didn’t so I decided to come online to talk to you. You see when she left from here to go back there she didn’t drip any water from her eyes at all but when she arrived there she cried with her mother. When she was here if her mother didn’t come online she would write a message but when it comes to me it’s not that much of importance. I don’t know what to do I love this girl shes my wife and I don’t want to re-marry another women because I think I will always love her.

Answer 1

I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to let her go. She sounds as though she doesn't really want to be with you. She is treating you badly ! Running off to mommy and daddy and refusing to come back? That's awful!
Though it is good to love your mom and dad, have a good relationship with them, when you marry it is time to live your own life and not hang on mommy and daddy so much.
She will probably not change her ways, especially if she is making up things to justify her actions... now that thought is in mommy and daddy's heads,they will remind her of the supposed bad things you have done to her for as long as you are together. This will create more issues... it could lead to having an affair, arguing, resentments...etc. and you will spend the rest if your life with her (if she doesn't file for divorce) unhappy and afraid she will run off again.
There are enough woman in this world, don't settle on one who will make you miserable .. you can and will find someone else to love and be happier with!
You don't have to stop loving her, but that love doesn't have to be as strong either... when you find the "one" the love you have for the current woman will fade and the new love will over shadow it... and you won't even know what hit you or why you kept this chick on a pedestal for so long!

Answer 2

OK she is right to leave you it is not fare for a man to take his bride to live with his mum/or sisters
and stop being jealous over her relationship with her mum
in fact if you were smart you should have try to have a better relationship with her parents
what you don't understand is that in certain culture their is something call kinship and that mean no one interfer with our relationship with our parents, sister or all blood relatives
that does not mean we don't love our husband it just mean that we are attach to our family
so if you want your wife back you will need to take her whole family back include mother & father
talk to the father tell him that you are working to get your place and want all of them to visit as soon as possible
remember theywill need a visa so that will take sometime
and by that time you will be able to get your place and most of all your wife will be home
Good luck

Answer 3

First of all, our hearts go out to you. My husband and I have had severe problems with our in-laws. But there was something that held us together - God. When I make a vow to be with my husband till death do us part, I mean it, and I do it because I know I'm a role model to my husband. In the same way, be a role model to your wife. She may act childish and selfish at times. She may even run off to her parents and leave you alone. But nevertheless, a patient spouse is a loving spouse. This means that when she does go and run off to her parents, let her do what she wants, but constantly tell her that you love her and that you are committed to her. Never test your wife. It will only give her an incentive to continue acting the way she is.
One area of concern I have is her understanding and your understanding of marriage. Once your wife sees your unconditional love (rather than almost vengeful testing), she will feel ashamed of her actions and will learn from your example. She will realize how committed you are and will stay with you. This comes with time, and with open and honest discussion. After she calms down, both of you need to sit together and rethink your situation. Rethink your entire marriage. Ask each other what is it that is holding you two back from enjoying your commitment? If it is your in-laws, then a boundary on BOTH sides must be placed. This means, sir, that your in-laws and her in-laws need to stay OUT of your marriage. This also requires you both to stand up and upfrontly tell your parents to mind their own business. Your parents will be upset, and they may throw a pity party to make you feel bad, but they are actually violating a truth that a husband ought to leave his parents and join to his wife. You and your wife are a family of your own. You both need to live life together. Do not let your parents or her parents come into the way by babying you two. You are adults. Your love and commitment for eachother is so important.
What I remind myself whenever I get into trouble with my parents (they even tried to stop my husband and me from getting married) was to ask myself: how can I serve God and help others through my union with my husband (so many couples have stayed together and have been an amazing example to others who want to get married)? how will I be years from now if we divorced (you say you will still love her, so then why continue jeapordizing your marriage by allowing your parents and her in-laws in the middle of it)? Remember, your parents and her parents have their support systems. But you both only have God and have each other. Do not let this marriage go. Let God guide you in this. Your commitment to your wife is too precious to waste.

Answer 4

She wasn't ready to leave home and is coming up with any excuse she can to not go back to you. If you want her, you better accept the fact that you will be living next door to her family, and you will always be in competition with them, until she grows up enough to leave them.

Sorry bloke. This love story doesn't end well.

Answer 5

i hate to say this but move on.she doesnt deserve you look at the way shes treating you.there is plenty of women out there who would appretciate you.i know it will be hard at first but you will get ovet it.just think about it this is her 3rd time she comes back than shell probably do it again.

Answer 6

I am sorry but it seems your wife does not want to be with you, and it is her lost. find someone that will give you the respect that you need, and the love. you have to face it she isn't going to come back. so If I were you find someone else and be happy. good luck.

Answer 7

Do not waste any more of your energy on her.

She may be your wife but she is not trying to make the marriage work, she is running away from you back to her mummy and daddy!!

MOVE ON!!!!

Answer 8

let's see.
no job, living with your mother then moving in with your sister.
don't you think you should have a home for your wife and yourself now that you are married.
you have a lot of growing up to do. don't blame her for it all!!!

Answer 9

you sound jealous of your wife's mother that women gave birth to your wife she misses her mom when shes that far away that's why she went to her you need to move close to her family if you want your marriage to work

Answer 10

i don't know what your question really is but i don't think she was ready to be married, she is not able to let go of mommy and daddy. i think that you should let her go so that she can grow up. if she had loved you she would have stayed with you. move forward with your life, let her deal with her on problems.