Single Mom Needs Help with 15yr old Son?

Question

Hi

I'm single mom, dad 100% absent. My son, who was on the popular track in middle school started highschool at a different school. All his friends went to local highschool. He seems to have problems making friends. He sometimes talks to his old middle school buds but hardly goes anywhere unless I make him. He seems very self concsious of himself. Yesterday he told me that had trouble talking to girls. I don't know what to do. I figured that perhaps he was experiencing this because he was a 9th grader but now he's a 10th grader. He spends all his time on his laptop in his room playing video games. It seems like he can't get enough of this stuff. I worry because when I was 15, I had tons of friends and a very social life. Should I seek therapy for him?

Answer 1

PLEASE, THIS IS MY OPINION, SO DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT...
Im 18 now, at 15 i didnt have too many friends, but I did some... now, im popular.

First off, NO counseling! That would only hurt him: forget what others say.
Second off, DO NOT talk to him as if he HAS A PROBLEM. THIS IS WHAT PARENTS DONT GET!! Let him know that theres BETTER THINGS out there that he can BENEFIT OFF; do not make it seem like he has a problem, only try and help him set a course... ask him what he benefits from video games other than worthless items? I guarentee hell be quiet after you weigh WHAT HE BENEFITS AND TIME CONSUMPTION...

THIRD::: THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR SON
HES 15 YEARS OLD, HES MOST LIKELY NOT IN SHAPE!!
I WOULD HAVE KILLED RIGHT NOW IN ORDER FOR MY PARENTS TO STRESS ME ABOUT GETTING IN SHAPE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER...

when a guy goes to highschool, not only will he make A LOT of friends and get girls, but he will also be prepared for any problems people try causing him whether its physical or emotional...

Again, you dont have to take my advice, but as a teenager, I suggest buying him a membership to a local gym (expensive, but effective)

Dont FORCE him to work out, but PUSH HIM INTO WORKING OUT...
Make sure you TALK OFTEN, tell him about all the chicks hed get if he was in shape(as a friend, not a mom) ;0

GOODLUCK, AS I SAY: PART TIME MOM/PART TIME FRIEND FOR THE WIN!!!

Answer 2

Give him time, maybe you should suggest he go out and frequent some of the social spots in town(skate park, skating rink, game room) If his interest is computer games, find a mom that has a kid, his age, that is into the same gaming. Get out there and get to know some of the parents of the kids in his classes, you could spark up a friendship that in return would help him to spark up a couple himself. There is really nothing for you to worry about though, he is a normal boy, he, in his own time, will find his "social" dwelling, and there will be no stopping him then, so enjoy having him around the house, at least he is not out doing what some kids his age are doing (drugs, sex, crime). You say that you had a very active social life, but girls are totally different than guys, so take that into consideration. But I must say that you being a social bug, should be your strategy, help him connect with others, you obviously have the know how.

Good luck, and high five for being the mom and dad in your house.

Answer 3

Mom of a 16 yr old boy here. (have two older ones 19 &21)

9th grade there not popular unless great jocks. If unkown they are teased by other 9th graders to 12th graders. Just a unspoken rule says my 10th grade son.

10th grade they are still teased but many do not care as much anymore, they have 9th graders that are more fun to tease.

By 11th they come out of a shell a little when shy or to a new school. (two sons did one was a jock but came out even more then I preferred having 10 to 20 calls a day by kids)

So what I am saying he has this summer to meet people out of school. Much easier for computer and game junkies.

My 16 yr old just found a boy who plays the same games and has new ones. I hardly see him now on weekends.

Give it time and if you must find a male role model. My 16 yr old has not seen his dad for over a decade and is angery. But on his own is now seeking role models. Photo teacher and friends dads. It is sad i wish he had his dad. But 5 yrs of council nothing has helped the anger if anything it is worse. My son is coming out of his shell on his own terms and seems to be working. As for girls that will come when time. You were popular do not push him into girls. He is not ready. You know what your friends were like. They will have him for lunch and hurt him.

Answer 4

I don't think therapy is the option to go with. I think that you might just overthinking this. My fiance said told me that when he was 15 he wasn't popular and he spent around 6 hours a day playing video games on his computer but when he moved to my high school senior year in 2005 he became popular overnight, he was hanging out with the in-crowd and made tons of friends very fast. I think that before you start sending him to a therapist you should just let him be a young teenage boy, they like to play video games and sometimes they aren't in to the big social scene and like to keep to themselves more, its all about what kind of personality your son has. Now for the talking to girls part, I think learning from his friends and learning over time he will come around eventually, its one of those things you just learn how to do with experience. And with the fact that you had tons of friends at 15 and very sociable is not uncommon in females, obviously young boys are far more into the video games and movies thing then girls who like to go to the mall and get new cloths and have sleep overs and all of those girl teenage things. Hope I provided you with some help on the subject.

Answer 5

Oh god no therapy! He's a normal 15 yr old. All kids develop differently and even though he doesn't have a lot of friends, he's not engaging in any dangerous activities. It's normaly for a "guy" to feel ackward at this time and for a girl to be more outgoing because boys don't mature as fast as girls. He'll be okay, he probably just hasn't found that clique that he fits into

Answer 6

I was 15 about 7 years ago. And all kids are becomng less social. Parents wont let them out because of the child molester and drug hype, and then weirdos just end up recruiting them over the net and video games anyways. Its part of the problem with the digital age. More people are becoming more isolated. Im a little guilty of that too myself. All 15 year olds are insecure. He sounds perfectly normal to me. Maybe just encourage him to join a group or club or just be more active outside.

Answer 7

I have a 15 year old brother and he does the same things, he is so into his games its not funny. Plese dont send him to therapy it will just make him think there is something wrong with him. Just let him be, just make sure you are there for him when he needs to talk and just listen and understand him. As long as he knows your there and you care he will be fine. Talk to him if you want and find out whats going on with him but if he just wants to play his games just let him.

Some young kids have a big social life and others dont, he may later on but for now just let him do what makes him feel comfortable!

Good luck :)

Answer 8

You are a female we are more social then boys.
Your son does not need therapy .

Your son said he has trouble talking to girls.
Just be a mom and help him by telling him things like:
Be polite and respectful to girls and have him ask questions about themselves. Most girls like to talk about themselves.

Get him interested in something. with you if you want to be there for him. Do paint ball or snow ski together. Have one of his friends go with you. He'll be fine, some boys take a little longer to find their footing.

Good luck

Answer 9

Just because you had a very social life and had tons of friends when you were fifteen doesn't mean your son will when he gets to be the same age.

Therepy might make things worse. He might feel that you see something wrong with him...that's something he doesn't need to feel since you're the only parent in his life. If he feels like you see something wrong with him he might isolate himself even more and go on a downward spiral. And sending him to therepy just because he doesn't have a social life? That sounds stupid to me. Just because he isn't making friends NOW doesn't mean he'll never make friends.

Answer 10

hi,

my friend used to be just like that. what i suggested to my friend was to go back to his old school or get involved in a school sport. That should get him very active and on the right path again. But dont do therapy that might cause even more problems.