Pregnant and Alone....?

Question

I'm only 19 and forced to raise a child by myself. There is absolutely no chance that I will let my child's father have any part in it's life. So with that said, can it be done? Will I be okay? What if I have a boy...He'll never be able to have a father figure in his life.

I sure it happens all the time, but could some please share their story with me on how they were able to raise their child without a partner/husband? It would be really helpful and give me hope that I can indeed do this by myself.

----I'm definitely not having an abortion or giving it up for adoption, so please don't tell me to.----

Answer 1

Saying never is not good. You can all ways reevaluate his life and see if you want him in your child's life. People do grow up and even change. *Some not*
You must have your reasons for saying you will not have him in your child's life. I hope it is not just anger.
The boys and girls club have mentors if you choose not to have the father in his life. But your also young there may be an other man who will help raise your child.

My 16 yr old has not had his father in his life for over a decade and now is 16. It is hard for him. Very hard and he is angry. Takes it out on me because there is no one else to. He has had other men in his life including my other two sons dad *ex husband*. But it is not the same.

it can be done. It is hard. Unless you went to college and have a great job harder then you could ever imagine. seek support from the babies father. It is a must right after birth. I say this from experience. My sons father still owes 14,000 if i would of done it after birth it would be over 98,000. That can buy many things he or she needs.
Good luck

Answer 2

I was almost 19 when I had my first child. I went through the pregnancy alone the birth alone and have raised him alone. The man I was preg to was involved with some one else and didn't leave her so I had no choice.He is now 7 and is a perfect child. I have my family around so my dad is there and my brother is there for the male role model. The stupid thing was I got back with the father 4 yrs later to only get preg again with another boy. He soon left and I did it alone all over again so now I have two Boys 7 and 2 they are both good kids. As far as I'm concerned they have the best male role models around there pop and there uncle. So hang in there it can be done. You have the strength to raise a child alone you don't really need a man in there life, especially if the father is some one you wouldn't want your child to turn out like. Feel free to email me if you need a chat some time.

Answer 3

I am raising my son by myself. He just turned 1. His dad left me while I was pregnant. So I went through the pregnancy alone and I've been raising him alone. It has been very hard. I work full time and I have to pay to keep him in day care. I get no help with day care or anything else for that matter. I have bills- rent, car payment, daycare... and not to mention I have to keep food in the house. It has been a real struggle for me. But I've made it this far so I know everything will be ok!!

You can do it! It will not be easy but it can be done. I hope you have a family member to help you. Apply for all the help you can and child support!! If you are religious/spiritual pray! That baby will keep you going. That baby will be your reason for living!! Never give up!! You are so young. You will not be single forever. You will meet someone who will accept your child as his own and love you both! Good Luck!!!!

Answer 4

okay sweetie, my daughter isn't here yet, but i know exactly how you feel. I'm only 18 and I'm 7 months pregnant with a little girl. the guy i got pregnant with is engaged to another girl and ever since she found out i was pregnant she's been trying to get pregnant and has had to take a pregnancy test a few times. I'm lucky though because my family has been amazing to me about the baby being on the way as well as the father's fmaily, which includes about seven guys... so she will have a father figure in her life.. the perfect guy will come around and want to be there for your son/daughter. you just have to give it time. I know i may not be much help but i do know how you feel and i hope that your family is here for you through this

Answer 5

I admire your strength and mothering instinct already with your baby not to let anything take it away. That is the main thing on how to suurvive this.

My story is this...

At 23 i fell pregnant with my boyfriends baby and knew i didnt want to abort. My boyfriend started being domestically violent towards me until it peaked and he left me at 30 weeks pregnant. We were engaged but then he changed.Not the best grounds to have a baby but it happened and so i faced the consequences. It was a girl and at first i struggled to bond with her because i suffered post natal depression with no help from him, but continuous abuse. My daughter is now 3 3/4 and the most amazing little girl in my life. I love her so much and am so glad i made the choices i did. Dont get me wrong, i had some lonely, scared times and many i cried. I used to look at her welling in tears because i loved her so much but just wished there was a daddy figure to make things complete and look after us. I thought for ages that it seemed to be right for her father to be the one there but he teased me and continued to bully me.

I am 25 now, nearly 26. I met my partner over a year ago. He is 36 and the love of my life. He is perfect with my dughter and is the perfect daddy figure. For once i felt happy and that true love can happen. My life got back on track and my qualifications were good as i had been studying to build them. We have bought a house together and it seemed a fairytale. My ex got insanely jelous and tried to sabatage it but we made it through. Quite a shock and a bit upset that i fell pregnant again before marriage. But at 37 weeks i know how happy my daughter makes me and that something so wonderful cant be bad. It is a boy and i really feel connected with him. Everything seems perfect.

2 days ago, i found out my partner has been having an affair and been sleeping with his ex for nearly a year now behind my back. He even promised me the world and the perfect life for me and the baby and my daughter while he was sleeping with her. I am absolutely gutted. I feel dreadful, angry and heartbroken. I am angry i am in this situation again but worse off this time. Angry that i wont be able to find anyone else or love anyone else because he let me down and worried about my finances, my life and the children. I told him to leave.

I guess i will cope. I dont have a birthing partner cause my mum is looking after my daughter and i have no one else.

From past experience, i know things dont end through these circumstances. They are hard, emotionally and physically but what you gain by your baby outweighs trouble and you get a best friend for life. Stay positive and remember he isnt there for a reason you chose for yours and your babys wellbeing. His loss. Pleas dont worry or ever feel alone, rememberyou are a really strong person and your little one will bring so many smiles to your face. I hope things go ok and congrats on the baby.

Plus, whenever someone tells you what a good beautiful child you have i find it a blessing and so proud that i think 'wow, i did that! On my own!' Never doubt yourself as a mummy.

P.s. Budget, budget and budget with finances, it will pay you in the long run! :)

Answer 6

well here is my answer to that yes you can do it alone i am a testament to that i turned 19 two months before my first son was born and i have took care of him and raised him without his dad . that doesnt mean hell never have a father figure cause your not with the father cause i have a wonderful man and we are going to havea lil girl anyday and he is the best thing that ever happen to me and my son and a great father figure for my son just cause there is no blood doesnt mean that he cant be a daddy i wish you luck though it is going to be rough i will not lie but you will be ok so i hope this helps cause i know if i can you can cause i have had a rough time until a couple years ago my son will now be 11 this year so i did it for many years

Answer 7

You don't "NEED" a man to raise a child. You can do it. I was 17 when my first child was born - and the father decided to join the Army to "get away from me" and got himself killed over there. (and no, I got nothing from the government because there was no paternity/DNA testing back then.)

I raised my baby just fine... we had our share of ups and downs, but we managed.

You'll be terrific - when they put that baby in your arms for the first time, you're going to find an interior determination and strength that you didn't know you had. I always called it the "mother lioness" syndrome - when my baby needed something, she ALWAYS had it... if I had to beg, borrow or steal to get it.

Start now on putting together a "network" of support for yourself... family? Friends? there are community resources (like your local YWCA) where you can learn about raising babies, get childcare, and make friends of your own in the process! One of my dearest friends today was made thru the YMCA childcare resource service.

The "baby" I refer to above is now 27 years old, and has a baby of her own (well, my granddaughter is actually 7 years old)... and I am secure in the knowledge that this AMAZING person in my life (my daughter) is a gift... a gift I would not have had if I'd had an abortion or adopted out (both of which were suggested to me back then - in 1978).

I applaud your decision - while your life isn't going to be easy, or 'picture-perfect' - it's going to be rewarding beyond your wildest dreams.

Feel free to look me up if you'd like to talk more. I've been there, done that, and have the tee-shirt, as they say. :)

Good luck and godspeed to you and your little one!
Harley

Answer 8

I have been where you are. You can do it! I went to school and worked after I had my daughter. I did have a lot of help from my parents. If you are concerned about expenses there are a lot of programs to help you out. I found programs to help pay for daycare, health care for her, and I applied for pell grants for school. I am not going to lie, IT WAS HARD!!! As far as NEVER having a father figure..... My dad, her PaPa, was enough for her. I can tell you if the guy is bad news keep him out of the babies life. It will be easier in the end. When my daughter was 5 I finally met a guy that was a good one. We got enaged and all of a sudden her bio-dad wanted her every other weekend. He lives 4 hours away and had nothing really to do with her before this. So the court made her go up there when she didnt want to. She calls my husband daddy. And after 3yrs of fighting, her bio-dad is finally signing over rights and letting her really daddy adopt her. If he is never in the picture, you wont ever have to go through that. Just have faith in yourself and everything will be just fine. It will be hard, but well worth it!

Answer 9

Kudos to you for deciding to step up to the plate and be a mommy. Yes it can be done. There are other male role models out there that your child can bond with. It has been proven that children are better off in a stable single parent household than in an unstable two parent household.
My boys are living proof. Their father has bipolar disorder with schizophrenic tendencies. At any given moment he would throw things or yell profanities. You have no idea the relief I felt the day he left us.
Being a single mother is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. I hope that you have a caring network of family and friends so that you can make time for yourself also. Take care!

Answer 10

Try to find a christian based pregnancy help center in the area that you live. They will help you to work some of these tough issues out. They can also help you in material ways as well. Good for you that you are choosing life. You will be blessed in the long run. I am a mother of a 3 year old. It is definitely challenging, especially if you are a single parent. You will have some challenging times but it will all be worth it in the end.