2007-03-20 14:45:22 · 17 answers · asked by gary g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't stop her, but you can ask her what it would take for her to re-consider. Ask her if it's counseling.
Also, talking to her directly may not work. Sometimes, doing it in writing can have more impact.
One thing that I did to communicate with my boyfriend when we weren't able to communicate effectively was write a letter like I was writing to an advice column. It took all of the nasty emotions out. When I gave it to him, he said it helped him understand the situation a lot more without feeling like I was accusing him. So, maybe writing a letter in that manner would help.
You have to understand that whatever happened, she wants to move on, and if she doesn't want to give it another try, there's nothing you can do. But if she's upset, she shouldn't be making major decisions. She needs to think about it when she isn't as emotional. And asking her to re-consider it when she isn't angry might help you.
Plus, if she's angry, find out what made her angry, and see if it's something you can control. You may not be able to correct it right away (if it's even anything of your doing), but tell her that you want to learn to try.
Another thing to consider is when she said those things to you. We say hurtful things when we are angry. Maybe she didn't mean it. If she can say it to you calmly when you aren't in the middle of an argument or when she isn't angry, then yes, you need to let her go. Some of the other advice on here seems too quick to just let it go (hm, no wonder divorce rates are so high). Give it time, let the emotions settle a bit, and talk about it like adults, ideally with a third-party in the room.
Just some thoughts. Good luck to you. I'm sorry for what you are both experiencing.
2007-03-20 14:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do something romantic with her and court her like u used to before u both got married. it'll help stimulate the old memories between u both and help show why u had gotten married in the first place. u have to pursue her and show her that u r not willing to let her go from ur heart (not in the violent way though!) and dont be demanding either but take on the understanding approach. romantic dinners, gifts, dates, photo albums, flowers all are cool to giver her. she's just angry and probably said she didnt love u in the heat of the moment. while all this is happening, remember to give her space by not being too demanding or getting angry when she rejects an invitation from u at this time. good luck:-)
2007-03-20 15:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by evanescent_eclipse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't. If a judge or family law court has suggested counseling and she has refused; let it go. Remember, every human being has the right to make up their own mind. You do not have the right to force someone to stay with you. Love cannot be dragged out of someone who simply does not feel it the way you do, and you have no right to try.
Let it go; overtime, with distance, and not bothering her, you will be surprised what may happen; in the meantime get on with your life; improve yourself in every way you can; work on your personal relationships and attitude.
Do not try to deal with anyone in a mad or angry state.
2007-03-20 14:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Gary: You've failed to mention WHY she is mad/angry and saying that she doesn't love you. This is what I really need to know.
Please promise me that you will LISTEN to her reasons regarding these statements. If she is that angry, you may not be able to avert her from filing for a divorce. This still doesn't mean that you will end up divorced.
You can't force someone to love you. You may be able to make them do a lot of things, but loving you will NEVER be a forced issue.
Remain positive, and please promise me that you will treat her with respect.
2007-03-20 14:51:11 · answer #4 · answered by domesticgoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't make someone love you! Either she does or she doesn't! Did you cheat? If so do yourself the favor and just leave, she will never forget, and in that case you will neither. If she loves you she will not walk out the door, if she doesn't she probably already has left.........
The only way you could truly keep her is if she does love you!
2007-03-20 14:52:43 · answer #5 · answered by littlegoober75 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't love you, why would you try to stop the divorce? If there is no more love, there is nothing left to sustain the relationship. It'll hurt, but you need to let her go.
2007-03-20 14:48:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is hard, it depends on why she is mad. Maybe tell her that you want to work on things but maybe you guys should seperate for a few weeks to let her figure out her fillings and stuff. Tell her you love her and you dont want her to leave.
2007-03-20 14:49:01 · answer #7 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't beg her to stay with you. That will only push her further away. Let her go and start dating. Make yourself desirable to her again, so that she can see that others are interested in you. Good luck.
2007-03-20 14:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure she has told you many times what she needed from you. But one thing I do know is that if she is still getting mad and angry, versus being emotionless, there is a ray of hope for you yet. But get your act together, and quick!!
2007-03-20 14:48:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
let her go, holding on to her is only gonna make her resent you, who knows she may change her mind, but if not, then move on find someone who loves you like you deserve. Everyone deserves to be loved, no one should stay where they don't feel loved
2007-03-20 14:56:38 · answer #10 · answered by countrygrl278 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋