a friend of mine was dealing with his wife whom was a n alcholic they just recently got divorced and now they just discovered the child she had 2 1/2 years ago whom he thought was his is now her bosses child. shes been having an affair all this time. what kind of suggestions do i give him. should he try and get the child or let it go?
2007-03-20 14:43:13 · 20 answers · asked by cc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I assume they were married at the time the baby was born. That means he's the legal father. There are a FEW states that will allow an ex-husband to contest paternity *after* the divorce, but they are very few. In MOST states if you fail to contest paternity at the time of the divorce, you are barred from going back later and doing it. So in that case/those states, even if a dna test proves he’s not the biological father, it will have no effect. He’ll still be required to pay child support and will have all the rights of a father (ie the right to visitation/custody).
There are MANY men in the U.S. who are paying child support for children that have been proven (via dna test) not to be their biological children, because they failed to contest paternity during the proper timeframe. But these men also have the right to remain a part of the children's lives.
He needs to check the laws of his specific state.
I assume since the child is 2 & 1/2 that he has bonded with the child/loves the child, so why would he want to hurt the child (and himself) by disappearing from his/her life?
2007-03-20 16:12:16 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe your friend wont have any choices because his wife could very well take that child away and he will never see him again, and she can do that legally. I would suggest, however, that a paternity test be done, so there is no mistake who the biological father is. Maybe she doesnt really know if it is her bosses or not...obviously, if your friend thought the child was his, his wife would have been having sex with him....so I wouldnt believe everything she says, until I see the proof with my own eyes. That is about the only right he has, unfortunately, and with the Child being so young, it would be quite easy for the mother to alienate your friend.
Maybe the child is his, and maybe because of the divorce she has claimed her boss is the father because he is more able to provide for the child financially.
Until he gets that proof, then I wouldnt be jumping to any conclusions just yet. If he is not the father, then legally, he hasnt got a leg to stand on. If the child was older, it would be a different matter and he could take legal action, but unfortunately with the child being so young, it will be difficult. Maybe he needs to consult a lawyer to see if there is anything he can do....that is, of course, if he wants to do anything at all.
It's not the child's fault, and it was pretty shirty of the wife to deceive him like that. You cant take back the past...what's done is done.....a paternity test needs to be done first...then your friend needs to decide where to go from there.
I really feel for the guy...his whole world just fell apart.
2007-03-20 15:00:34 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the child is not his he has no obligations to it or the mother, especially if she was having an affair. Having an affair goes against everything that marriage is supposed to mean. She broke her vows and so therefore should suffer the consequences. However, after 2.5 years of raising a child, your friend would have developed some sort of emotional attachment to the child and the child to your friend so this makes the situation difficult. Does the biological father know about the child? Does he have anything to do with the child? Unfortunately, i think the biological father probably has more right to the child than your friend so this is something the three people involved (the mother, her boss and your friend) need to figure out. The child is the most important element in all this and shouldnt be used as a pawn to repair a broken relationship, or to get money out of potential daddy's. Maybe your friend should try and take a step back and let the parents do their job in raising this child. Alternatively if the biological father doesnt want anything to do with the child, maybe your friend can keep raising the child as if it were his own and maybe even adopt it, if he wants to continue the relationship with the child.
2007-03-20 14:55:06 · answer #3 · answered by suzi Q 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First of all this is really sad for him and the child. The child believes that this is his father and it is his father the only father that he has ever known. I assume that your friend was listed on the birth certificate as the father and they were married legally he is the father unless there is a paternity test done that says otherwise. If I were your friend I would file for divorce and try to get custody or at least joint custody, I doubt the other guy is interested in the child. He may have grounds for custody if the mother is running around and is unfit. This is a really sad case.
2007-03-20 15:00:21 · answer #4 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kanye West waited 15 1/2 more years and then wrote a rap song called "Gold Digger"
Sorry.
Anyway. If there's an attachment, keep the child in their life as much as possible. You can't change biology, yet if the real father is not a dad, or doesn't want to be, then by all mean, he should still be the dad. For the kid's sake.
2007-03-20 14:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by pancakes & hyrup 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughters are 3 years and 3 months aside and that i've got consistently wanted they have been slightly nearer at the same time. there's a 4 and a a million/2 3 hundred and sixty 5 days age distinction between my 2d and 0.33 toddler, yet he remains too youthful to tell how their relationships are going to be. i think of that approximately 2 years could be a sturdy spacing yet i've got in no way had any that close at the same time so no longer completely specific.
2016-10-02 11:51:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question is, did she just "say" he was the dad or did she put him down on the birth certificate and does the child have his last name. Why has she chosen to come forth with her lie now? Does the other man want this child as his own? I guess if there is a loophole to remain a part of the childs life and it's in his heart, he should take it.
2007-03-20 14:53:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will never get the child, because the child is not his. Period. Assuming the appropriate tests have been carried out, of course.
Ironically, he'll likely still be on the hook for child support, because that's how this sort of thing works.
I have a close friend that went though this exact scenario. All I can say is this: it will take a long time to heal the hole in his heart that this child will leave behind, and there's nothing that can speed that process. He'll just have to grieve, and let it go when he's able.
My condolences to him.
2007-03-20 14:54:33 · answer #8 · answered by big_bowl_of_meat 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Too late. For me the child would be mine end of story. Your friend has 2 options, pay child support and claim the child or walk away either way is hard just one way is worse. Sorry love but this one is a hard one. He's gonna need people like you who care enough to ask. Just be there for him.
2007-03-20 14:48:52 · answer #9 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are things he can do. He needs to talk to a lawyer. I'm fairly certain their are loopholes in deciding who the "real" parent is. Even if the boss is the biological father, who has been taking care of the baby and providing for it all this time? Is he willing to go through all the legal ropes?
2007-03-20 14:49:57 · answer #10 · answered by fancyping 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋