What do you do when you've reached rock bottom?

Question

Maybe not all the way but pretty close. My husband and I argu so much its sad. I cry cuz we arent like we use 2 be, & I think he needs 2 respect me more & love me more(even though I KNOW HE LOVES ME 2 THE AMOUNT OF CRAZYNESS but he don't act like it in any way). I feel like my life is about making my son & husband happy & THAT'S IT. I have 2 follow every command or we fight or he complains. Im a really nice person so I guess u could say I let ppl walk over me. I try 2 stick up 4 myself but it doesnt matter cuz he dont care. He just has 2 be happy as much as possible cuz hes paralyzed. I mean yeah that is horrible I KNOW! We luv each other very much & have been through so much. Theres no way well EVER split. But even though hes paralyzed I still think I should be respected & listened 2, but Im not. I treat him so good, except 4 us arguing. I do everything he says. Even if im in the middle of doing something I stop just 4 him cuz I know he cant do it himself. I dont want 2 complain but..

Im starting 2 feel like crap. He knows & dont care cuz its my fault he treats me the way he does. I did something bad to our realationship but didnt cheat at all. So even though its been several months and Ive been totally honest, I still dont get the respect I should get. When we dont argu we R happy. Its weird. Weve been toether so long we argu about everything. I am only 21 and Ive been through so much in life. I love Chris & he loves me, we just argu......alot. PLEASE NOBODY say marriage cousleing cuz we dont have insurance that will cover that & he would refuse no matter what. I already take a medicine 4 depression & I take the max dose. What am I going through. We R pretty much a pretty happy family, I mean really. We argu all the time but they just fly over our heads like nothing. Were use 2 it, its our life. What can I do 2 feel better or make it better(besides counseling). We try 2 talk out our problems but it just doesnt fly that smooth and we argu more. What do I do? Help!!!

I've told him to go to the doctor for depression but he wont. He hates doctors and says he has to see them enough. He is physically paralyzed from nipples down.

Answer 1

Question what does T Bird want , What do u want ? NOT Chris or any one else , ur probably going to say Happines right!

Its sound like if your husband is using his disability as in excuse for u to feel sorry for him and everyone else around him, I understand he is paralyzed and cant hardly do anything for himself but, dont you think that should make him see and value u more and for him to see what u are worth of course he wouldnt becuase he thinks its your duty, Im not a doctor so I cant give u medical advice , but im a human being a woman with feelings and a heart and I know when enough is enough, It seems to me that its just getting worse becuase he doesnt appreciate u , he seems like a very selfish man, obviously the problems arent so bad to him since he doesnt care to get help becuase poor him he already sees to many doctors, WELL GUESS WHAT has it ever dawned on him that he should at least be thankful , that he is still alive,that he can breath and talk, and that at least for now he can see his child grow up ,( I dont know how it feels )apparently nobody would want to be paralysed from the chest down and It must feel like if hes already dead, but at least I would appreciate the person that u are, look at yourself T-Bird re-read what you wrote to us, It takes 2 pepole to make a relationship work so if 1 doesnt want it, then theres nothing else u can do, Listen if you REALY REALY want this to work then leave him for at least a couple of months trust me , take your child and be strong, let him realize what he had , but be strong dont let ANY ONE I mean ANYONE put things in your head about u being a bad person by leaving him, u r to young to be going thru this, I really hope u make the right desicion! Even if I dont know u personaly but I truley wish u the best,

PS. About going to counseling,( its a great Idea) since you dont have insurance , there are free or very low cost counseling out ther for u ,its the matter of doing research, Plus through the state or disability Im sure they offer counseling for him find out
Im sorry I dont have that number for u its at work , but I will write to u again and give it to u!

Answer 2

I know that you two love each other very much, you make that clear. The problem is you both are depressed, that is normal for this day and age. So you have to try to come up with way to convert the bad energy into good energy. Do you take him outside to the parks (I'm sure he has a wheelchair right?), have picnics outside, get some fresh air. You both can get hobbies (I don't know how much of him is paralyzed), think of ideas that you two can do together away from the house. I think maybe you two are cooped up in the house and that is your way of living when there is a whole world out there to explore. I know that you don't have the means to travel, but it doesn't take much to go to the zoo, parks, picnics, race cars or anything else that they offer where you live.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear all that is going through with your family life and such a young age, and its understandable why your husband is bitter and moody, but there comes a point that you have to say STOP I had enough I have dedicated all my time and effort to make our marriage work and if your not going to but your two cents or am out.

You need to move on, if he doesn't change, if talking doesn't work cant go too therapy maybe a church a pastor or priest, spiritual healing could help him.

You might have to leave him for a short amount of time maybe three days and have someone else supervise him and he might come to sense how his attitude is affecting you.

Good luck, I wish you well

Answer 4

I honestly think you need some you time. Let him no that you need that time, take an hour out each day and do something for you. I cant begin how confuse and in a way trapped in his own body because his paralyzed. If he goes on anti depressant he will forever be on them. -Really. He's gotta understand from your point of view that not only is it physically but also mentally tiring for you to. That why i think you need you time. Escape from your daily duties. And I'm not at all being nasty to your husband because he might fell the same way to... but its so much harder for him because he would need your help so much day in day out. And that would be confusing the heck out of him. Needing you there all the time. Not accomplishing his manly duties around the house not being able to go to work and earn a living for his family. That's if he doesnt work. Just take time out daily see how you go with that.

Answer 5

sounds like you have been too nice too him stop you know you wont split but if you don't stand up for yourself nobody will
and no matter what happened in the past if he still wants to be with you he should not be holding this above your head next time he starts demanding thing of you just don't do it until he says it in a good way or if he can do it himself he is expecting you to take care of him for the rest of his life but that in no way means that you don't have a life as well!!! you are a independent person from him not his maid you are his wife BIG DIFFERENCE let him know even if you do argue about it keep arguing about it until he hears you and yes make him go to the doc for depression he could be doing more damage to himself by not going ( DEPRESSION HURTS)

Answer 6

You need to get some HELP NOW! I'm not going to tell you that you need to 'see a counselor' though ... I'm going to tell you that you need to get a 'respite caretaker' who can 'go in and give you some 'time off' from your husband and son. You need to spend at least 'six hours' AWAY FROM BOTH OF THEM, and you need to be able to 'do whatever it is that you WANT TO DO JUST FOR YOU' ... and be sure that you are the one who gets to 'stay home' once in awhile and it is your husband and son who 'go out' and do different things.
It may be that you do need some 'family counseling' too, but for now, simply getting some 'respite help' from your 'caretaker duties' will make your lives so much better for BOTH of you that you may find it's all you need. DO IT TOMORROW AT THE LATEST ... if you don't know 'where to look' call the nearest 'Catholic church' and they'll be able to give you the 'numbers' to help you find 'the right fit' for what you need.

Answer 7

just tell him you arent going to help him anymore unless he treats you better with his words. that is all he has left. words,,,and they arent nice. he is angry because he is paralyzed. but there is no one who is at fault. nice talk gets nice results. you could take him to a swimming pool and let him float around in a life jacket. thats good for paralyzed people. use it as a reward. you know parent child adult. the I am okay you are okay way. act like an adult get an adult response.

Answer 8

do you mean paralyzed in a physical sense or drunken one??

if its alcohol - dont let him treat and talk to you that way

we women are not put on this earth to be slaves to anybody

we are not here for verbal, mental & physical abuse

you both need counselling - if you both decide not to go

I would leave - and take your child with you

You are unhappy now - think about it where this is taking you

do you really want to hit rock bottom - your almost there now

Answer 9

well it is not going ot work if he does not want the help either.....so by saying that he does not want to go to the Dr. for antidepressants....he does not want any help. maybe now you need to write to Dr. Phil, and maybe he will pay for your counseling since you don't have the ins to cover it.

I think the problem is with your husband at this point...I think he is depressed. Your husband can do things for himself....he needs to made to do so.....instead of you.....don't baby him....because you are not helping him by doing so.

Answer 10

It sounds as though your husband is suffering from depression. I'm sure doctors are attending to his physical issues but how is he working on the mental aspects of his condition?