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What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being selfishly attached to them?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfill our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggerates others' good qualities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only selfish lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.
But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.
Desiring to be with the people a lot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.
Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestimates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear ones and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearances, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds want to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, magnificent qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generosity, concentration and wisdom.
'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pacifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definitely have successful friendships and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.

2007-03-20 15:48:36 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0 0

I disagree with everyone who said it would be Heaven, or Paradise. There would still be Atheists, or there would be no religion whatsoever. We can't all truly get along until we accept all other interests in others. So, there would either be no more interest or activity, but we would all be happy anyway, just because we all loved each other. Not exactly Heaven, but a good place to be. If only.

2007-03-20 14:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Well Veronica great question! Hmm, let's see now, first the need for war would be non-existant. After that the sky is the limit. The trillions of dollars already spent designing, building, testing, storing, transporting and firing weapons with which to kill human kind could now be spent on better things. Such as paying moms and dad's that stay at home in order to care for their children, new and better hospitals and clinics to care for all citizens paid by our taxes. Schools could be built and books provided to all students individually. Housing for all could be provided with the money saved from no war expenditures. Of course the first thing that has to happen is for individuals to come to love peace in their heart first, then extending that love to family and everyone we come in contact with.

2007-03-20 14:17:14 · answer #3 · answered by jujustar 1 · 0 0

I believe its possible for there to be less hate in the world, but not everyone will want to be friends with each other, friendship and love does not work that way.

2007-03-20 15:08:32 · answer #4 · answered by cournfields 2 · 0 0

I think the world would be less extreme. However, the question is not so easily defined - no matter how hard you try, its a simple question with no simple answer.

Love and like are two different words. I can enjoy (like) something without loving it (I like as in enjoy the company of my co-workers, but I can't say I love them). I can love something without particularly liking it in the moment (my sister as a kid for instance - love and loved her, but man did I dislike her quite often)

Lastly, what do you mean by love? Do you mean love as in what a parent feels (is supposed to feel ) for their child? Or do you mean love as in what cats feel for mice? The cat certainly doesn't HATE the mouse..... small comfort for said mouse no?

In the end, perfection is stagnant. Conflict is vital to change and change is vital to life.

Personally, I like the idea of striving for un-attainable perfection. May seem like a pointless exercise but there will always be room for improvement and never a condition of boredom.

2007-03-20 14:19:25 · answer #5 · answered by Justin 5 · 2 0

I agree Holly, i think of all of it comes right down to the solid ol rule of treating people the way you prefer to be taken care of. perhaps we are too proud or perhaps we've not got time to ask the cashier at Vons how their day is going? or perhaps.. we do exactly no longer care. that's unhappy because of the fact it would not take plenty to grin or be respectful. you do no longer ought to pay funds to assert thank you or please. people not often try this anymore... its to an volume the place people extremely are shocked as quickly as I say hi to a guy i meet down the line. Do I ought to understand him to assert hi? noo its referred to as being friendly. And what makes people plenty extra perfect than others that they ought to circulate around dissing people who're no longer as "cool" as them?! i think of its unfair and harsh.. the international is merciless This international right this moment would not choose hate.. and it specific as heck would not choose people who do no longer care the two.. so some thing needs to take place!

2016-10-02 11:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by saggio 4 · 0 0

Life would be too boring and monotanous. Hell, I'd start killing people and stealing stuff just to make things interesting.

It is VERY naive to wish for no hate, no violence, etc etc.

You can't know how sweet the sweet is if you've never had the sour.

2007-03-21 06:24:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

We would never get anywhere because we'd be to afraid to offend anybody in intelligent discussion.

We'd have all of these different religions holed up, with nobody sharing ideas.

So it would be this, I coined a word for it. Nonterra.

No land, because NOTHING GOES ON.

2007-03-20 14:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

It would be paradise on earth, the original Garden of Eden...as God intended to us to live before Sin entered the picture. It would be wonderful, and as it should be.

2007-03-20 14:19:28 · answer #9 · answered by Carrie C 3 · 0 0

I think that is the definition of heaven. There would be no sin no hurt. It goes on and one. People won't be rejected and hurt other perople to get even and so on.

2007-03-20 14:02:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

John Lennon would come back from the dead and reform the Beatles?

Much to Yoko's dismay because I think she is a lesbian now?

2007-03-20 14:03:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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