I have asked professionals, and they suggusted setting strict family rules on her where abouts and things she could and couldnt do. I am completely stuck. She is going too far with her boyfriend, her grades are dropping, and she treats me disrespecfully. Anyone have any rule ideas?
2007-03-20 13:43:45 · 22 answers · asked by Rose K 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Do what the pros say.....and be CONSISTENT with it.
2007-03-20 13:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was one of those 14 year olds that acted that way. I was probably worse, though
It depends on why she's acting out. You raised her, so you taught her to be this way. No parent doesn't make mistakes, so don't take that personally. There is still plety of time to go the other way.
Was she spoiled as child? Did she get whatever she wanted? If that's the case, be tough on her and get stricter.
On the other hand...
Now think to when your kid was a baby. Did you leave her to cry it out? Did you spend a lot of time away from her? Did she have a lot of caregivers? That doesn't mean you're bad, but it's been recently proven that human babies are intended by nature to spend their first year literally attached to their mothers. That means held at all times, right on the boobs. Anything less than that WILL result in varying degrees of mental illness. If you think this may be the issue, then listen to your child. She probably is acting out for attention and that means you should give her attention! Do not withhold attention from a child. A lot of people think "Oh she just wants attention, so we're not going to give her the satisfaction." That's totally messed up to say that you refused your child love when they were clawing for it in the only way that they can think of. Children are still children. Even if they don't think they are anymore.
2007-03-20 14:30:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents got divorced when I was about 15 years old, and until that point I had lived in a more strict environment where studying was encouraged, curfews were instilled, and rules we're not optional. My younger sister went through the divorce when she was 11, and lived with my mom after my parents finally split up. My sister became rebellious and uncontrollable, similar to what your daughter sounds like.
If her father is not in her life, consider finding a cousin or uncle or someone who can be a good male role model in her life. Set rules like you have read from the posters before me. Whatever you do, do not give in and don't give up! These goals can be reached :)
2007-03-21 04:57:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, strict rules. Anything that isn't followed costs her something. Her tv, her music, her free time. Homework should be done before anything "fun" is done in the evening and that should be monitored with her teachers input. They will talk to you. You need to explain to her that her ultimate loss is all the way to nothing but a bed in her bedroom and no door as well as absolutely nothing to do except to sit on that bed and stare out the open doorway. Seriously. If you aren't willing to do that, then just let her do what she wants. And at 14 she has no business having a boyfriend of any meaningful substance. That should end NOW if she can'tbe a lady about it. So far, you've taught her that she controls her world, and that was a mistake. You either take back control, or blow it off as a loss. It's your choice.
1. All homework is done and no grade lower than a B
2. No dates
3. No talking back
4. All school evening are spent at home
5. Weekend events are earned by the above, period.
2007-03-20 13:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well I've seen a movie called "The Virgin Suicides" and when the mother couldn't control her daughters behavior, she put her on complete lockdown. No Phone, No TV, No Magazines, No Internet/Computer, Completely Eliminate Her Social Life; Including that boy, Drop her off and pick her up from school and take her straight home. Be consistant with this and she will be a new person.
If all that doesn't work boot camp.
2007-03-20 18:16:58 · answer #5 · answered by Kat™ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you're actually not fat. Who gave that concept to you? while i replaced right into a teenager and 5'6 I weighed one hundred fifteen, now after a marriage, a candy keep and 2 toddlers, i'm 5'6 and 215-240. i'm 240 now because of the fact I purely had a infant, yet while i don't get this infant weight off incredibly rapid, ill be generic as obese. So no you're actually not fat, yet stay removed from the oreos!!!
2016-10-19 05:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a teenager still and not being a mother it's hard for me to even bother but being that i was a girl sort of like that i can kind of try to help. i think that if you try to be her friend and talk to you her without "nagging" and let her talk you could possibly get to her by suggesting.i don't know about the whole disrespectful thing cause i don't respect my mom like i should but i do respect my grandparent's and other elders also certain other people that arent rude or disrespectful. the dropping grades i think are pretty much with most children like my little brother he's 12 and i try to explain to him how i messed up and try to push him to do what he needs to do his work before he ends up like me, but he doesn't seem to care. just give her some time but also explain to her what she's doing wrong but not as in a nagging way kind of more like a friend, us little brats tend to be emotional.
2007-03-20 13:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by Amber 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A boyfirend at 14?? First of all, "real" dates should not be allowed until she is in high school. If she wants him to walk her to class and talk on the phone in the evenings that is one thing. But going to the movies or his house is asking for trouble.
If she were my daughter, I would have these rules:
She is to come home directly after school and finish her homework before she can go to any sort of social activity. If that means mon-thursday she never gets to go out, so be it. MOST children do not go out on school nights! If she does go out on a school night, I will know where she is and who she is with and she WILL be home by 7:30. If she breaks any of these rules, it will be a LONG time before she can earn my trust back and be allowed to go out on a school night again.
On the weekends, if she is going out with friends, you, or another parent you know and trust, need to drop the girls off and pick them up at a specific time. There is NO reason a 14 year old should be out past 9pm unless it is a sleep over.
You need to know where she is at ALL times. If she breaks your trust by going somewhere she wasn't supposed to then she needs to have privelages taken aways (like seeing her friends, TV, internet, etc) for at LEAST a week, if not two.
This is a problem that will only get worse as she gets older UNLESS you can nip it in the bud now!
YOU ARE THE PARENT, she is not allowed to treat you with disrespect. Tell her, she doesn't have to agree with you, she doesn't have to like what you are saying, but she does have to respect you. When she behaves disrespectfully, she looses privelages. Each time she says or does something disrespectful, another privelage is lost.
My parents had a very effective approach to teaching us respect when we were young. If we slammed our bedroom door out of anger, the door came off the hinges and was locked in the garage for a week! Talk about a severe punishment for a teenage girl!! The loss of privacy!! But, it was effective and you better believe if never happened more than twice!
Stay strong. Set firm rules and stick to them. Don't let yourself cave if your daughter screams that she "hates you" or you are "ruining" her life. She will get over it, she will come around, and years down the road, she will come to appreciate the way you helped her.
2007-03-20 14:16:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Exactly the opposite of what the professionals say. Talk to your daughter about what she can and cant do but dont set strict guidelines. If you tell her she has to be in by 8 Pm on the weekends she'll stay out till 2 AM but if you tell her to come home by 11 PM she'll be more likely to stick to that. If you set rules that are hard to follow they wont be followed. About the boyfriend thing...wheres the dad and older brothers? lol Cant we kick some ***? Same reply with the disrespectful thing.
2007-03-20 13:49:22 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hi im jessica! i am 14 years old also...your girl miss...well she is just being normal this year its been tough friends, grades, homework , family , love, school, sisters brothers , sick retatives, vacations, sports.. we are put under alot of stress and sometimes for us its kind of hard to show our feelings with out being teased for doing so.. so they release there stress by doing crazy things which lead to getting in trouble there is a lot of drama that we put up with and we have to have priorites and goals for our selves but sometimes we need a lot of help in the way even i admit it i cry way to much on the inside and really need to let go a little! which is what you need to do, make sure you are her parent and are there for her and you guys can and will work this out and get threw it so talk with her but do not punish her its just a lot of stress that every teenager has to go threw it sucks but it is the truth!!
p.s thanks and i hope this works this is coming from an avarage 14 year old!!
2007-03-20 14:12:06 · answer #10 · answered by alwaysluckykitty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think some of this people are wrong of how to treet you daughter you should really talk to her not alot of parents do that they just want to give them a beat for doing something bad or wrong let her learn from her mistakes if she has a boyfriend meet him see how he acts with her how she treeds her about going to parties or going out i am 16 when i was 14 i use to go to the movies with my friends or do anything fun thats how we have fun but always watch and see who is she hang out with are her friends good kids or not because her friends will tell her something to do when she knows is wrong . the grades talk to her about what is going on if she keeps doing that now ground her maybe she will learn or not this things will maybe work but NEVER HIT HER she will feel that you dont love her well good luck with her i hope this works
2007-03-20 14:38:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋