Could you ever get over this?

Question

A couple of weeks ago I found out some things . My husband says all this could be job related but he can't say b/c his job is "top secret"(military) Examples: Victoria's Secret receipt & tags, going to Chuck E. Cheese w/our 4 yr. old son & a coworker & I guess her daughter(?). He says they ran into them there...my son says they went to their house & the girls rode w/them. I found the receipt & they got the family saver which is for 4. All this has been devastating & I'm tired. I want us to work past this but I'm afraid all trust is gone for good. We've been married 7 yrs.(he'll be 28 next month & I'll be 26 soon) He was the 1st(& only) guy I've ever slept w/& he said when we were dating(if he wasn't lying) that I was the only girl he has slept w/. That's something special that we shared..but now it could all be ruined if he has slept w/someone else...then I would consider him tainted or something. If you were me could you ever move past this

My son said "daddy said don't talk about the girls." after they got back from Chuck E. Cheese. He said he took the lingerie back b/c he didn't think I would like them. It was thongs & a size 36d bra. I don't think I would even come close to fitting in that since I'm a 34b! Anyway, he has said both things...that they were for me & also he said that this could be job related for all I know. (investigations & top secret stuff, etc.)

My main question thru all my rambling is.....could you get over it if you were the only person your husband had slept w/& then found out that he's probably slept w/someone else & now you aren't the only one?

Answer 1

Check out this answer, from a guy...he is lying. Why would the military have him out on some top secret missions at Victoria's Secret and Chuck E. Cheeses...uh...they wouldn't. Face it, our military has blown a lot of money on foolish things, but not anything that stupid. Here is my advice.

Tell your husband to GROW UP. Tell him to be a man and tell you the truth. And if he refuses, then tell him you are going to leave him and take the kid...and pretty much half of his paychecks/assets.

The reason I propose this drastic measure is b/c...he is lying to you. He is seeing some other woman, whether or not it is the one you described...don't know, but there is someone. There is no reason for the "top secret" receipts and trips. Tell him to come clean or leave.

If he does come clean, you may still want to leave. But if he doesn't, then there is no need for you to stay. I don't think him explaining an outing to Chuck E. Cheese or a receipt from Victoria's Secret is going to put our nation in jeopardy...If it does, then we are a lot worse off than the news tells us.

If you need some more ideas...let me know, but if you didn't atleast suspect he was lying, you wouldn't have even asked us. Follow your heart.

Answer 2

After I have read the other post you have put up I thought to myself why is this woman torching herself like this, but can only think of one thing and that is you are still very much in love with your husband. I hope this works the way you want it too, but the question is can you move pass this? We don't know what your husband is like or what he has done in the past, only you know that in your heart. Could I get pass this, hell no I couldn't. Cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone. The embarrassment and hurt of knowing someone else has been with the man you love can sometimes be more than a woman or man should have to endure in a relationship

Answer 3

victoria's secret receipts and tags...
and it wasn't a gift for you!!!
accidently bumping into a co-worker...
yet your little boy told the truth...
it seems that your husbands job isn't the only thing top secret in his life.
at 28 and 26 the two of you are so young..you should be enjoying each other.
the trust isn't gone for good..but it certainly has been temporarily lost.
men will never admit to affairs....
but the buying of lingerie is a pretty good indication.
if he is having an affair..it will end..they always do.
do not become the pleading wife.
do not let him emotionally devastate you.
you are a strong independant woman!
you will become stronger.
and you will move on and up from all of this.
take care of you!
maintain yourself.
watch your diet, exercise, wear makeup, stay attractive and sexy...not for him..but for you!
get involved..in outside activities..do things with your son..include your husband..do things as a family.
it should have been you with him at chuck e cheese not another woman.
i don't know if you work...or if you are a stay at home mom....
have many interests outside of the home...
if he is having an affair..things will never be as " innocent" as they were originally between the two of you..but life itself is about change.
nothing stays the same..including relationships.
yes you will get through it..yes you will become stronger.
two things will happen...the affair will end...
and your husband will notice the " new" you..a stronger more confident independant woman..and he will fall in love with you allover again...
give it time....
take care.

Answer 4

I was you and no, you can't move past it. Easily anyway.

If you do get past it, it will be in time but not a short amount of it. Also, you may spend the rest of your life second guessing him and no matter what your trust in him is already shaken to its foundations. Trust is really hard to regain once you have broken it.

I answer a lot of your questions. I hope that I am helping and not just being a pest, by the way.

Answer 5

Its funny how children will tell the truth when an adult cannot. I think he is lying.... With a clearance, why would he involve his son? Goodness knows little kids will tell and say EVERYTHING they have witnessed!!!!! Top Secret clearance means just that.

To answer your question, I could move forward once I was given the truth. If he did nothing then we could work on our relationship. If he did cheat then I would move forward with my life with my child. You can not rebuild trust on a lie.

Command the respect you deserve and be storng.........

Answer 6

He's cheating on you.

Okay, now thats out the way. Could I get over this? Hell no. I can't say I've ever met anyone who ever really could either. I'd never be able to trust that person properly again - and I'd always feel dirty or ugly because they sought out someone else.

If I was you, I'd kick his "top secret" *** to the kerb, and get on with my life. You could waste years listening to him, and wondering if he's telling the truth or not. Or you could save yourself at least some grief by calling it a day and finding someone who's honest, decent and loyal.

Good luck - it's going to get harder before it gets easier. But remember, the longer you leave it the harder it's going to get.

Answer 7

WELL I'M NOT TO SURE THAT COULD GET OVER IT FOR ONE BUT YOU GUYS SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT AND LET HIM NO HOW YOU FEEL. ALSO I WOULD PROBALY LEAVE THE GUY BECAUSE I'M SORRY BUT IN A RELATIONSHIP THERE IS NO ROOM FRO CHEATING THERE SHOULD ONLY BE YOU AND HIM AND THAT IS IT THAT IS THE COMMITMENT HE MADE WHEN HE MARRIED YOU. YOU AND HIM HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 YEARS NOPE I GET NOT GET OVER THAT ESPECIALLY EVERYTHING THAT YOU GUYS HAVE SHARED AND BEEN THROUGH THE HAPPY TIMES AND THE SAD. HIM ALSO TELLING YOUR 4 YEAR OLD THAT AND WELL I CAN SAY YOUR MAN IS LYING BECAUSE I HAVE A 4 YEAR OLD AND HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING KIDS ARE SMART REALLY SMART YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR SON AND FIND OUT EVERYTHING. I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD LET HIM GO IF HE CANT RESPECT ENOUGH TO ONLY SHARE INTIMACY WITH YOU AND ONLY YOU IF HE IS CHEATING GIRL HE AIN'T WORTH STAYING WITH FIND YOURSELF A GOOD MAN YOU DESERVE BETTER NO ONE DESERVE TO LIVE THAT THINKING THAT THERE MAN IS ALWAYS CHEATING AND ALWAYS BEING UPSET AND CRYING ALL THE TIME BECAUSE OF IT YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. BUT HEY I CAN'T MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOU IM ONLY HERE TO HELP HOPE THAT THIS HELP YOU IN SOME WAY.

Answer 8

It would be very hard, but what good is a relationship if you can't trust him anymore. Thats like a #1 priority. You have to figure out w ay to move past that or there nothing left between you and him anymore.

Answer 9

I am sorry. Do not buy his story, even if you want to believe it with all your heart. He is clearly lying. Your child told you the truth!!! BELIEVE your child. The worst part is he is NOT ready to admit his mistake. There is no getting over it until he and YOU are ready to admit the pain he has caused you, the damage he has caused to your trust and love.

You can live in denial that it is ok, but he hasn't even confessed!!! Admit the truth to YOURSELF. Confess the truth to YOURSELF. Once you truly admit to yourself the degree of his betrayal and disloyalty, you will find the answer to your question.

I had a friend whose husband did that, and she threatened to have him court-marshalled. I don't know if that was a wise decision, but it worked for her. He confessed and has stayed away from his playmate. (But, in my opinion when you force someone to confess, there is no true remorse, and they will just be more careful next time.)

Answer 10

Honey child, he is so cheating on you! Yes you need to get over it and find someone that is not a liar, he is not going to quit, obviously. It will be hard at first but you need to get away and find someone who deserves you, this guy is scum, I am so sorry for you, do not use your son as an excuse to stay, you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. good luck.