Who should control the money in a long term relationship?

Question

I never had a view on this until last year, I have only been in two relationships of more than two years and we both had a good income so I did not care. However when I was living in Vietnam I discovered that in 90% of cases men hand over all their income to their wife and the wife just allows them pocket money each day. Culturally any woman who does not have control of all family income is seen as weak whilst her guy is seen as mean. I think this is very sound and sensible as many men waste money on drinking, other women or gambling (just like a lot of guys here). I wonder what other women think about this way of managing finances. Does anyone follow this or a similar model and if so what does your husband or partner think of it?

Answer 1

I think we American women can learn alot from Vietnamese women. Sounds like a great idea..As far as who should control---I believe that "He who owns--controls". Therefore, I spend the majority of my life trying to become an Independant Woman. My goal is to have my own money, my own home, my own car, clothes, and pay all my bills. This is to make sure that no man can ever tell me where to go, what to do, how much money to spend--and no man will ever demand that I kiss his behind, obey him, be nice, and do what he says at all times just because he "takes care of me". Almost any man, no matter how much he takes care of you and pay your bills--will quickly tell you "this is my house, I pay the bills, and you are being ungrateful"--anytime his woman is not doing EXACTLY what he wants, when he wants.

Like Beyonce said "Tell me what you think about this--try to control me, boy you get Dismissed".

Answer 2

We have followed this Vietnamese philosophy for 18 years. We're still happily married and my husband loves that he doesn't have to worry about bills. He makes the majority of the money and I manage all of it. We are better off financially than any other people we know in the same earning bracket. No debt except mortgage and will have that paid in a few years. I don't think it's because I am a woman, I am just better at budgetting and finances than my husband is. He is better at many other things in our marriage and he takes care of those things. If he wanted to handle the money and felt like he could, I would gladly hand it all over to him. Some people think whoever controls the money controls the marriage. This is not so. Whoever compromises and makes good decisions has the most impact on a marriage. In our marriage, I am happy to say, we both compromise, sacrifice, and try to make all decisions based on our family's needs, not our own individual needs or desires. Works for us.

Answer 3

I think it depends how you define "controlling" the money. In a long term relationship, major spending decisions should be a joint effort but it shouldn't get to a point where every minor outlay needs clearance from your partner.

In my own case, I have been married for 25 years and my wife manages our financial affairs, even though I am the only one who has an income. I am perfectly happy for her to do this because I am really bad at paying bills and reconciling the cheque book. She, on the other hand, takes a close interest in the money side of things, so she feels more in control of things if she has her finger on the financial pulse. If there are any major expenditures, we discuss them and make a joint decision. We are both happy with this state of affairs and - at the end of the day - happiness and compromise in a relationship is what it is all about.

Answer 4

I don't believe in this manner at all,if both are working then they both should sit down and figure out the finances and pay the bills together,it is a 50/50 affair not 60/40 or even 95/5 which I lived through for 10 years.

Answer 5

It may be true that men waste money, but women are liable to do it two (that equality of the sexes gets you coming and going)

It any long term, trusting relationship, the most idealistic place for control of the money to lie is equally between the man and woman. This might not always be the best choice (and a lot depends on the particular temperaments of the people in a relationship)

Answer 6

Hi there

In general its usually the woman that handles the finances because us guys cant be bothered with the hassle. My advice to both sexes is you should have a joint account for all your bills where you split the amounts paid in equal. The rest of your money should go into separate accounts for you to spend it how you wish. I've been ripped off in the past by allowing my ex wife to deal with the finances and a guy i work with his ex wife went to jail for fraud. So look after your own money.

Regards

Idai

Answer 7

In marriage it is like a business my friend and the one who can manage it the best should do so. All should be open and honest in a relationship and all should take part in the management of the funds and bill paying. There should never be any closed doors there cause this would lead to non-trust. You both have to maintain a level of Independence and should be open and honest about any and all transactions with each other. The only way to be there. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Well it is better that the wife should control the money - it works in my case. I am a bit loose with the money but my wife is in the habit of saving the same. I also handover my all income to my wife, only keep a little for my self.

Answer 9

We have a joint account for all house stuff, bills, food, utilities, etc......we both "handle" it, but I write out the checks because I am more organized and balance the checkbook to the penny. We have one credit card that we use all month, and pay off each month (so we write just one check each month) but we talk about what we are going to charge to keep tabs on things. we each have a card from the account. All the family expenses come out of here. We also have Joint savings for tax return, extra money, or we skim off some when the checking gets too high. this is vacation, or big family purchase money. We openly discuss the Joint accounts and we handle them equally.

BUT

we each have out own accounts too. we each get to keep 25% of what we earn for ourselves for shopping, luxury items, gifts.....whatever we want. That way we have some financial freedom and do not have to agree on every little thing that we want to buy.

Answer 10

" I think this is very sound and sensible as many men waste money on drinking, other women or gambling (just like a lot of guys here)." AND THEY CALL MEN SEXIST!

Do some research before you post this crap!
My brothers ex wife was an alcholholic, gambling addict! Ruined his family for life. And now she is in jail as well as her only son (my nephew) because he wanted to be0 like mom.