Is it right to save a marriage if it seems he doesn't respect you but he says he does?

Question

We can be in the same house and don't speak at each other. He will go out and come in late but never call and says I am being stupid. No matter what I say to the kids, I am wrong. Some days we seems more like roommates. Don't get me wrong, I love him but I think I am falling out of love with him.

Answer 1

Yeah, I can understand why you would be falling out of love with him....Its all very well to love and to be married but if the relationship isnt nurtured, then it will eventually die....if you dont water a flower it will die. Thats what happens to too many relationships, it is not nurtured and we end up drifting apart, staying in a marriage that is totally stale with two people going in their own directions....thats not love.

He says he is respecting you....words are cheap, all of us can say anything we like, but its always our actions that will decide if what we are saying is true....His actions, in no way, tell me he is respecting you.

He has got you to a point by always blaming you for everthing that you are now not too sure what you are seeing with your own eyes....its kinda like hes been slowly brainwashing you into thinking that he is right about everything and you are wrong. You would be totally confused and I guess it is time to call a spade a spade and look at the relationship in the light of day. He has the control, pure and simple, and you are allowing him to have this control. Control is abuse, but the worst thing here is you are believing what he is saying.....thats really sad.

What is this teaching your children?......it is showing them that a woman should be seen and not heard....that a woman has to bow down to a man's control. You are your husband's equal, you have equal rights and equal say, and if he is doing and saying things that are making you feel inadequate and insecure, then it time you confronted him on this. He can only behave this way whilever you allow it to happen. If you allow him to control you, then of course he will....its nice to have a puppet to dance to your tune. Its time you cut the strings and started dancing to your own tune.

From the little you have said, I get the impression that he wouldnt be open to counselling because he doesnt see there is a problem...There is a huge problem and you need to find where you left your self esteem. Sounds to me like your pride was lost along with your self esteem.....Go looking for it with the aid of a good, qualified counsellor....find your self esteem and demand your feelings are considered and respected. If you dont get help now, it will only be time until you have no love left for him....it will be replaced with bitterness, anger and sometimes hatred....dont let it get to that point and get some help. This man doesnt deserve you and I believe if you put your foot down and shocked him into listening to you, then the whole situation would change. If he wants to lose you then tell him the way he is behaving now is a sure fire wire to see you and your kids walking out that door....Make a list of demands....turn this whole things around and get back some of the control that he has stolen from you. You can do it....you are not some pathetic little girl standing in the wings waiting for your husbands approval. You are a grown woman and its time you made him see that you wont lay down and die and that you expect he treat you like a loving husband should treat the woman he loves, otherwise you will find someone more deserving of you. Dont mince your words, make your point, and make it clearly. This is the first day of your new found freedom.....get angry because your husband is totally in the wrong here.

You have the strength to do this......take back what belongs to you and allow him to own his own problems because he has been blaming you for long enough.

Answer 2

Nope its not right to save the marriage at all I mean if you can work through it and things get back to normal and stay that way then yes you should. But on the other hand your not a piece of dirt you shouldnt let anyone treat you that way don't ever stay for the kids because it will never ever work it will just get worse. If he treats you as bad as you say that he does then face it girl he aint even worth it you deserve better alot better. I think that you should call it quits and get out of there before its gets worse and I mean he might abuse you or worse not saying that he will im just saying as a possibility and he also might be cheating im sorry but a guy that is married to you and loves you he is suppose to treat you like a princess my guy does. When your man is out he should always call to let you know what is going on. Im sorry girl but the guy is a loser and he is not worth holding on to your kids should not have to put up with that kids are not stupid they can sense when something is wrong both you and your kids deserve a better lifestyle then the one your in. Well anyway girl I hope that this helps you out.

Answer 3

It's a hard question to answer, and I wish I could give you something definitive.

I'd say it's right to save a marriage if there is something there to save. If there is love, respect, and affection on both sides (or there is the capacity for those things), then there's something worth saving.

-Bart

Answer 4

Having respect for someone shows in their actions...it's not so just because they say it is so.

Try to get some help with your marriage. If he won't go for counseling, then you should go. If anything, you might learn new ways to handle situations. Or, you might find that to live this way another day is just not something that you want to do.

Answer 5

That question you asked just makes your life so much easier. Because if they can't accept that, your saving time by knowing their not tha one for you. Its good to be comfortable in that situation. I think they feel intimidated in some cases and in others, they are just lookin 4 sumthan 2 do and they realize that ur worth a little more work than theyre willing to put in. But i like it wen bois give u that face wen u tell them u r. Its like their whole world turns upside down cuz now its shockin 2 even hear about a 14 year old still bein a virgin

Answer 6

I was in a bad marriage for over 11 years. He had zero respect for me. He had a tongue like a razor blade. (still does) ....loved to hurl insults at me. If he would consider counseling I would at least try that. If not, I would try leaving him. He may stop and wonder what the hell he's done and straighten up his act and try to win you back. I left my husband and he was miserable. He did everything to get me back. Unfortunately, it was too late for me. Something inside of me just shut down and I couldn't feel anything for him anymore. I had tried counseling, talking, writing letters, making CDs.....just anything you could think of. I wish I'd left him years before I REALLY left him. We might have been able to save it because I still loved him then.

Good Luck. I hope what I said made sense.

Answer 7

It's not what he says, it's what he does! If he doesn't treat you lovingly and respectfully, he can say what he will but the proof is in his actions. Of course you will fall out of love with him. You can't love someone when all the respect is gone. Verbal and emotional abuse are reasons to stand up and take the steps necessary to protect yourself and your children. They shouldn't have to grow up seeing and hearing their mother abused. If your feet aren't nailed to the floor, get out now!

Answer 8

Every marriage goes through them kind of feelings. I think what you need to do is spice it up a little to make you both feel more like a couple again. I have been married for 20 years and sometimes its just routine and you really don't know if the love is still there or are we doing this just because we have been doing this for so long. You know you love him, so just change a little here and a little there. Leave him I love you cards and little stuff like that. I bet you anything the "roomate" feelings will feel like "love" feelings again. Best of luck!

Answer 9

You need to set some rules, if he doesn't respect them he doesn't respect you. Knuckle down and tell him what you want.

Answer 10

It is never wrong to try and save a marriage. In fact, all avenues should be explored before you call it quits. When you do decide to throw in the towel, you can always look back and say you did everything you could to make it work.

Can you say that now?