Kids grow up so fast these days its almost horrifying to the simple mind such as mine, take me for an example, i was just turning 21 the other day, now i'm getting married next summer to my hot pakistani, handsome, boyfriend.but my 21 year old sister is foolishly in love with this guy with 7 year old boy, and an ex- wife. his x-wife took him to the court and forced a divorce on him, that's the extent of the details i am aware of, of this colassal distructive relation. seems like he's been suffering from an influx of female hormone called "estrogen" every since the so-called divorce. now his emotional bagage somehow has translocated awesomely in to my life also along with my 21 year old younger sisters life.he was very, very well tolerated by me, until the day my sister came home crying and did not stop crying for the next 3-4 days, because of some arguments she had with him. thats when i was informed by her about his psychosis.told her, i didnt want ot have anything to do with her...
2007-03-20 13:01:55 · 14 answers · asked by DesiGirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i basically told my sister i didnt wanna have anything to do with her as long as that guy was in the picture? now we dont speak to each other (me and my sis) was i wrong??
2007-03-20 13:02:54 · update #1
But guys thats not the first incident of such behavior of this guy, he's arepeat offender !!! in maarriage and relationship crimes
2007-03-20 13:13:54 · update #2
Let me reiterate that 90 percent of the details i know of his and ex-wifes marriage, came straight from the perpetrator himself, so i'm not creating a story line from "her side of the story", evrything from violent outbursts of door slamming to recently prescribed anxiety medicine gone wrong, all details were obtained from "HIM"
thank you
2007-03-20 15:07:06 · update #3
Jas, first off you are not a sibling from hell but neither an angel from heaven either. The culprit with your sisters boyfriend in not the divorce but ESTROGEN. You know how that hormone is, right? So, no wonder the guy is fighting at all times. I am surprised he is not growing soft enlarged breasts. That being said your sisters choice is best left to her, you can only advice. Maybe your sisters boy toy can meet your HOT chili pepper Pakistani boyfriend so that your darling can give her smooze some tips on how not to make a gal cry and win their hearts, and lungs, liver and kidneys for that matter. All the best.
2007-03-20 13:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by Kaliyug Ka Plato 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you trying to say that your sister is going through a really tough time in her relationship (whether or not you "approve" isn't the issue here) and your response to her heartbreak, is to tell her you want "nothing to do with her"?!?
Wow! You must be a very cold, judemental person to treat your own sister that way... especially while she's having problems and everything.
Don't get me wrong, I can understand how you may be leary of this new guy she's seeing.. You're perfectly entitled to your own opinions and everything. But, what I don't understand, is how you can just turn your back on your sister, just because you don't particularly care for her situation. That's just.. mean.
You couldn't possibly know even half of the details regarding your sisters boyfriend's divorce, so you need to try to stop being so judgemental and snotty about him. You don't know much of anything about the guy, mainly because it sounds like you're not even willing to give him half a chance. That's not right.
You need to remember.. that whatever you heard of the issue between your sister and her boyfriend, was more than likely one-sided.. her side. I don't mean that bad, it's just how things. There's always three sides to every story.. His side, Her side, and the truth. So, there is no way you could even almost know all the details. Whatever you heard, was probably said out of hurt and anger, while your sister was upset. I'm sure you realize this, but we all say things we don't really mean when we're upset.. So, you need to refrain from passing judgement on her boyfriend, and let her handle her relationship herself.
Telling her that you want nothing to do with her, is such an awful and uncaring way to handle things. You need to take a step back, and rethink what's important to you. You can dislike your sister's boyfriend all you want.. but that's not reason to be hard on her about it.
You need to be there for her, and support her.. instead of being so cold towards her. Be a good sister, and don't turn your back on her.
2007-03-20 21:46:47 · answer #2 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Off course you are a concerned sister!!! When you told her that you don't have to do anything if she keeps on with this guy, all that you expected is that she would leave the guy for concern of her sister. Sadly, she didn't. I'm sure you didn't mean to lay her aside.
You could have controlled the gush of your emotions at that moment and tackled her other way round. You can still go upto her, talk to her, and tell her, "No matter what... I'll always be there for you." She needs emotional support. Don't make her feel stranded. Be her strentgh. She must feel strong enough and understand her values to get rid of this guy. And I believe you are the one who can make her realize.
All the best...
:-)
2007-03-21 12:40:56 · answer #3 · answered by plato's ghost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she came to you for guidance and support, and you told her that you don't want to speak to her unless she dumps the guy that she loves. She is 21 (NOT a kid) and perfectly able to make decisions regarding her own love life. I was married at 21, and had a child at 23, so I think that most 21 year old women know how they feel. She probably not only feels rejected, but that you are treating her like she's still 15ish...
2007-03-20 20:07:41 · answer #4 · answered by It's Just My Opinion 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, have a sis too. I have told her I disagree with her decisions before, but I also supported her in her "mistakes" and hoped for the best. And it was an issue with her now hubby and because of how it was handled, my sis and I are best friends and our hubbies hang out together while our kids play in the yard.
I'll take a good relationship with my sis any day over the need to be "right"
2007-03-20 20:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by jhvnmt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You weren't necessarily wrong. You could have phrased it differently saying " I don't support you in this relationship. But when you are ready to get out of this relationship which I feel is unhealthy for you, then I will be totally willing to be the "loving" sister." You are not the sister from Hell, simply the sister who cares. I was in a relationship, defiantly not as committed as this one, but I was blind to the fact that the guy was taking advantage of me. My older sister was the only one looking out for me and was able to see past his "good looks". I hated her at the time, but now I really appreciate the fact that my sister was there for me; being the eyes and judgment I was defiantly lacking at the time
2007-03-20 20:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by eyes of glass 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i understand your wanting to sheild your sister from bad things but she is 21 and was an adult who is capible of making her own decisions at 18.. Its time to let her lay in the bed she made or will be making... if things go as bad as you suspect be there to support her through the process but dont over pad her so she cant make decisions for her self theres no garuntee that you will be able to pad her the rest of her life...
2007-03-20 20:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by prettygirl_80650 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sibling from hell. Totally. You are being unreasonable saying that you won't have anything to do with her if she is with that guy. If you keep that up then you can kiss your friendship with your sister good bye.
***********
And let me clarify that no matter what your sister is doing as long as she isn't abusing you or your family you do not cut her off because of her relationship with this man. You have to let her make her own decisions, she is 21 years old and an adult.
2007-03-20 20:08:16 · answer #8 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you could handle the situation with your sister with much more tolerance as she is your sister. She needs your support.
2007-03-20 20:09:56 · answer #9 · answered by kicking_back 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are wrong. Just be sure to be there for her when reality sets in and her world crashes.
2007-03-20 20:06:52 · answer #10 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋