How to help others ?

Question

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Refer the above. As per my experience, I often find myself getting into trouble by helping others. I used to be a very helpful person to others during my childhood. But I never get any help from others . Also frequently , I get rejected from others . Sometimes people I helped will turn against me and create more trouble for me .. Why is this happening to me.. Sometimes I believe karma doesn't work for me . I find it is better not to help others . Or is it because I am not drawing the line between help & looking after myself appropriately? Can you help me to make my understanding better ?.

Answer 1

It comes down to your intention, not your actions (kharma actually means intention not action).

Two people can help aonther in the same way, yet the first intended to help out of sympathy or empathy, the second out of self gratification. One accumulates kusala or good kharma, the second akusala or bad kharma.

Answer 2

Perhaps when you help people you are being too pushy, thus getting in their space, so to speak. Offer once to help, then back off with an open invitation. You can't keep score when you help people. It is tempting I know. Also, if you help people and then tell others what you have done, you defeat your original intent. Did you help to feel better about yourself or to be of benefit to others? Bottom line: You must be helping sometimes in a way that is offensive to the receiver. Think about it. Also, there is a difference between being helpful and being used. You don't want to be used.

Answer 3

I believe in the law of attraction, that we will attract what we put out. I discovered that I was a doormat because I helped people to the point of destructive codependency. I became addicted to the feeling of helping and in turn the feeling of "poor me" because I would expect to be rewarded some how for my "good deeds." This stems from what we have been taught about the Good Samaritan or Kharma when in reality we have missed the point. I now know that the more we give away the more comes our way. This is not to say that we should help everyone, it means that letting go of our attachment to things, people and feelings will open us up to be ready to receive more from the Universe. Letting go of our attachment does not mean giving up our "things" it means do not place value on them. Allow everything in your life to just be. Each day our life can change drastically but if we live our life on what happened yesterday or what may happen tomorrow we miss our today. You are the most important person in your life. Until you are comfortable in your own skin others may not benefit from any gift from you without consequences. By feeling obligated to help others you see yourself as giving bits of yourself away, by focusing on living each day with joy you have an infinite amount of yourself to give. You will attract more of those who live their lives in the same way and less of those who look to take bits of you away. Hope this helps...

Answer 4

I think I'm in position to help you.

Cuz I'm just like you...all my life all I'm doing is helping other people....but htere is a difference...in the past years every time I did something I never mentioned that..cuz I helped no to get credits but cuz I'm like that...but I realized that if you don't appreciate what you did and say it outloud people might say...that you are too good maybe fool.

But there are people who fool you cuz they are not good but they do help others to get credits..and every time they do they mention what they did and how proud they are...so other people accept what they hear without analyzing if they are good persons or are just fooling.

So from now on every time you help...you say " I did help you cuz I thought you needed help" don't hold it back speak for what you did...and THEN only THEn people will appreciate and they will respond you in the way you want.

Just an example how did I start this answer ?
By saying "I'm in the position to help you" which means that I admit to myself that I'm helping you, but at the same time I remind you that I helped you....

I hope you understand my point...

Keep doing good things...karma after all exsists.

:)

Answer 5

Perhaps you need to know when to take a step back and survey the situation. Perhaps you are trying to help people when no help is needed. You cannot help everyone, you need to take time for yourself, and don't think about things too much, after all you are only a tiny speck in the universe. Does it really matter? Enjoy each day, fill it with joy, peace and happiness, wish no one ill, and follow the road ahead, don't get distracted from the path. You have one life, that we know of, be at peace and the universe will sing your tune.

Answer 6

You should help when it is appropiate. Help somebody pick up stuff that fell over, help them move something and help if the ask for it and it is something reasonable. Do not help them if they are some bully or big shot. And help yourself before you help others. Make sure you are not going to need others help after you helped them so you don't need a favor. And anyway helping others is just for the sake of helping, you shouldn't expect anything back. You help because you know it is the right thing to do, not because it was in your favor, even if it lead to you being better off. And choose wisely who to help, if those who turned against you after you helped them, forget them and do not help again, until they apologize or are sincerely sorry. They don't want it, don't give them help.

Answer 7

first thing to say is, don't stop being kind to others, even in little ways.

completely relate to what you are saying - maybe it's a matter of keeping on with what you are doing but noticing what has a positive effect and what doesn't. stick with the positives, lose the negatives.

then you can work out your own balance between being kind to yourself and kind to others. don't sacrifice yourself to the point of being a maytr or go the other way and become completely selfish!

you can also try small anonymous ways of being kind - feed people's parking meters, donate unwanted clothes to charity bins, pay for an extra cup of coffee for the person in the queue behind you... random acts of kindness that have no benefit to yourself go a long way!

Answer 8

Reading your question I instantly thought: "What type of help is being offered"? And "What's the motivation behind it"?

Offer "Help" if its obviously needed (some type of crisis) or if its actually asked for. Otherwise, it will suffice just being kind and polite.

If one actually tends their own life and its aspects properly, there usually isn't much time, effort, energy, money etc etc etc left in surplus. Those types of things directed towards "helping others" is typically being diverted (for specific reasons) from a far more dire need!!! Making certain ones self is where it needs to be or should be!

Answer 9

The most help others want from their friends, relatives or acquaintances is agreement to whatever they are doing or saying. People want to be in total control of their own lives and destiny and will not accept constructive criticism or opinions unless it adheres to what they want to hear or do.

I would advise you to concentrate on yourself, your own life and interests. This does not mean you cannot be concerned, polite and agreeable but keep your actual advice to yourself as it might be misinterpreted as interference.

Answer 10

Yeah, it depends HOW you are helping them. Your definition of help might be something different from others. Just keep staying kind to others. Karma is out there, what goes around, comes around. Maybe you think you're helping them but you're not. That's why bad karma comes back to you.