How do I talk to my mother about my pregnancy out of wedlock?

Question

I'm 24 years old and live with my mother. I just recently found out I am pregnant. However I come from a strict christian household. My mother doesn't agree with having sex before marriage. I already told her the news, and she's disappointed and never expected to be told that her daughter is pregnant while still living under her roof and that she thought I was smart enough to not let this happen. I feel uncomfortable with her reaction since I thought she would be excited with being a grandma for the first time. She told me, you must go on and do what you have to but not to expect her to be happy for the sin I've committed. I'm still with my bf, and we are still figuring things out and what to do. And she feels we should have known that before I opened my legs and came out pregnant. I don't want to be somewhere where I'm given the look constantly and wonder if I should just move out right away or stay in hopes that she will come around?

Answer 1

With my first child I was in the same situation. While my mother was initially disappointed in my actions, she did eventually come around. After all it is her grandchild.

I think it is important for her to differentiate between the "sin" and the fact that you have a new life that was created by God inside of you. Everything happens for a reason. This child will be a blessing to her, and I think that her harsh words to you will be regretted some day.

Answer 2

Well you are about to be a mother, so moving out would be something to consider. She will come around, maybe not right away, but once that baby is born and she sees it, she will no longer see it as a sin that you committed but a miracle that you created. If you and the b/f are in love and want a future together then maybe you should start looking for a place together, and maybe talking over marriage. If she isn't gonna come around soon then it's best to just get out of her way, because you don't need the stress while you are pregnant.
Good luck with everything and congrats on the pregnancy. Just remember, babies are a gift from God, so if you had committed a sin, God wouldn't be rewarding you. :D

Answer 3

You certainly understand her concerns. She taught you. I don't know the details, but you do.

The only way to talk with your mother is in love and patience. She will never agree with what you did. You might, through love, be able to keep a friendly and civil relationship with your mother. I don't know whether or not you should move out. Some things are past questions and decisions. What's done is done. Now is the time to learn how to live with it.

It sounds like she accepts the pregnancy though not with happiness. I hope that she remembers her love for you. There is nothing that will change the fact that you are her daughter and she is your mother. How you two interact can change much. No matter what she says or does, let her know that you love her. She will respond to love more than anything else. It might also help if you don't try to defend your actions. Somethings should be left behind. Move forward as best you can in patience and love.

Answer 4

I think she will come around, especially once the baby is born and she meets him/her. My sister just had a baby out of wedlock...she too is 24, but she and her boyfriend live together. Still, my mom was none too pleased with her pregnancy news. She is very Christian too-so she expressed her feelings and disappointments to my sister throughout her pregnancy as well. But, let me tell you, my little nephew is now 3 weeks old, and my mom loves him to pieces! Moms always want the best for their children, especially their daughters, and being pregnant and unwed is usually not high on their list of whats best for you. :) I think she will come around. Especially if your boyfriend tries to prove that he is there for you and the baby. Maybe you two should discuss living together? Marriage, better yet, if you are in the position to want too...not just because you're pregnant! If your mom cannot love this child after it is born, there is something emotionally wrong with her, and you should move on. It's not the baby's fault it was conceived 'out-of'wedlock'...that should not ever be in an issue in loving a child or not. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Well at the age of 24 u should definately be on your own anyway. R there any hopes of possible marriage between u and bf? If not, then I would suggest talking to your mom and asking her if she would feel more comfortable if u moved out?
Chances are, she will lighten up a bit, but u can understand her disappointment. Its normal.
But, i would talk to her, and seriously look at your relationship with the bf. See if the love is there that can make a marriage and consider it.
Good luck to u hun.

Answer 6

At 24, you are an adult. Really, it doesn't matter what your mother thinks or not? Even the most holy person on earth sins, and your mother is included amongst us sinners; it is not her place to judge you - help you and guide you into making good decisions, yes, but judge, no.

My heart goes out to you, because I understand what it is like to have a manipulative and judging mother. The thing is, a truly Christian person would be the most understanding and loving towards you in this situation. Christ loves ALL of us sinners because He became human and faced the power of temptation - He understands it even more than we understand it because He is perfect. By being perfect, He has the fullness of compassion to understand our weaknesses and forgive even the most terrible sin.

Instead of being upset with your mom, have compassion for her. A lot of times, people become embittered, hardened and judgemental because that's how they were treated and are struggling themselves with their own sin and temptation. Often, they set the standards so high for themselves that they become focused on self-perfection that they are actually sinning by doing so because they are no longer letting God have control and their temptation and sin becomes the sin of Pride where they feel they can save themselves through their own works, when in reality, Christ is the only one who can save us and the only one who can take on our sins.

(Sorry for my little tangent on sin and temptation, but I have a mother as well who is very scrutinous, and it wasn't until I was older that I realized she was suffering because she couldn't accept Christ's love and forgiveness)

Past decisions and choices aside, whether they be good or bad, let's only look at the present and future choices. You are pregnant. You want to make the best choice for your baby, for you and for the father. Note, the best choice often is not the easiest one at first, but in the long run, it will bring you peace and joy.

You are an adult. I think it is a healthy that you are discerning whether you think it is in the best interest of ALL of you whether you should remain at home or move out. Some questions you might ask yourself and your bf are, which of these two situations will cause the least amount of strain on all parties involved? Will living with my mother become burdensome or will it be easier? Will staying at home put a strain on my pregnancy or will it be good to be with my mom who has gone through pregnancy? Will my bf/baby's father be able to participate as fully if I stay at home with my mother? Is my mother just upset at the moment and really will end up being a great help in child rearing?

Write your questions and thoughts down and make a list. It helps to see it on paper. Take your time and really think it out.

I wish you the best and hope that everything and everyone turns out okay. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You don't say anything about your financial situation and how you would survive out there on your own and pregnant.

Your mother is not kicking you out and the poor thing she has no clue of what her religion has done to her and how much fear and hate it has put into her.

But if you are comfortable and she would allow you to stay that may be a solution. Talk to your boyfriend and he best step up to the plate and be a responsible partner and parent by being supportive to you emotionally and financially.
He had no problem be supportive before the pregnancy, now you will see what kind of a man he is.
If he is not supportive you will need to go after him for support because you will need it in the event you need to move out on your own.

Answer 8

I got pregnant out of wedlock, and my BF and I still aren't married. When I first told my mom she was disappointed and wanted us to get married before the baby came. But eventually she came around. I know she's your mom and of course you love her and want her to be happy for you, but do what's best for you, she'll come around. She may not come around right away, but when she holds her grand child for the first time, she will fall in love with the idea of being a grandma, just give her time to adjust.

Answer 9

I wouldn't move out right away. My first time being pregnant was very confusing I had to change alot and so did things around me. It's a big responsibility having a baby and I'm sure your mom knows that since at one time she was pregnant with you. Just whatever you decide make sure it's the right choice for your baby.

Answer 10

Now that you are pregnant, you have responsibility to only one person in your life. (Ok, maybe two if you add your bf.) Stress isn't going to be good for either you or your baby, so I can only advise you to take the path of least resistance.

It's possible that she may come around, but probably not until after the baby is born. (And moreso possibly not until after you get married.) I would worry first about yourself, then the baby, and if your mom isn't going to be supportive of you in this time of trial, put her really low on your priority list.