What is a girl to do and wife, me?Mature people please?

Question

This is a long story so am going to try to make it short.And am not looking for any smart a s s answers.I been separated from my husband for some time. He was having affair with a women for on in off for 2yrs. And when he wasn't with her he was home with me. And this last time he cheated again with the same women I decided to totally never take him back. After a few months of sepatated I meet someone and I did get involved with this other person mighty quick and now this man is totally in love with me and he treats me good and he never cheated on me, he not that type a man and most women know if a man is cheating and I know he never has, unlike my husband did servel times before. The thing is am feeling convicted by God because am still married and am living with someone else and the truth is I still love my husband and my husband been wanting to come back home for a long time and I wouldn't let him because I been involved with someone else. Tonight am going to meet my husband. Help!

Where just going to talk tonight. In my heart I really love my husband but am affaid to go back because what he has done in the past. Do you believe in hope? Do you think if God was or become the center of our marriage we can start over or do you think am hoping on flase hope.I know a dog can't change his bark. I believe my husband needs help and I know I wouldn't go back to him unless he got it 100%, This guy that am with now is a Angel compare to my husband.I love this new guy in all but I hold back because am still in love with my husband and that's not fair to this new guy. Am just not in love with the guy, am in love with my husband. I have 10yrs with my husband and raised 5 kids together. We would of still been together if he never had affair. The 3kids our grown now and the two youngest our with me one 15 and 9yrs old. The 9yr is our's mine and my husbands and the others our from our past relationships. My husband and I raised them, all in the same house. confused

Answer 1

I am a Christian and I live as close to the Bible as I can. From what the Bible says about adultery is that once you are married to a man you cannot be with anyone else until he dies. The vows you both made at your wedding are vows for life. If your husband is cheating on you, that is grounds for divorce, but never can you divorce him and marry another man while he is still living. I know that that seems harsh, and you are definitely in a hard spot right now, but God's word never changes. You are right to feel convicted that you should stay with him. Just remember, God still loves you! If I can help you out any more, just email me. Lords blessings on your relationship! HE still cares!

Answer 2

You do have biblical grounds for divorce. However, due to your choices so does your husband. You are still married and living with someone else. You should not have even been bedding someone out of the marraige. If you both choose to forgive the other and get back together, that is the end of it. Forgiveness means letting it go and never bringing it up again and throwing it in the other's face. It also means that if there is a repeat of past behavior you have forgiven the first instance and may not bring it up again. In other words, if he cheats again you can only base your decisions on that instance. We are human though, and more prone to bringing up all past hurts when hurt again, even if they are not even the same type of hurt. You should go into some intense Christian counselling if you choose to try again as well. And yes, the Christian counsel will most often be to stay together because God is not in the business of divorce. A certificate of divorce was allowed only because of man's headstrong ways. Not because it was God's way or plan. The Bible does have only two reasons for divorce. One is adultery, (and you are both now guilty of that) the other is the choice of the unbelieving spouse. In that case you are not bound. Tell me, if you are feeling guilty and concerned about what God's opinion/teaching was, why were you not concerned when you chose to bed another other than your husband without the benefit of marraige? I don't think it was right to be in bed with this person even if you were single / divorced without being married. It's called fornication and also spoke against in the Bible.

Answer 3

Wow, that's a difficult situation. I can understand why you feel so much conflict. Of course you still love your husband - he was the one who cheated - you didn't cheat on him. You would have stayed had he not strayed. When you think of him, you still hope for the person that you fell in love with - before he cheated. The question you don't know is if you ever had that man to begin with...will he cheat again? You don't know and there are no guarantees - even promises. Remember he already broke his promise to you.

Now, on the other hand there is this other man. It sounds like you really appreciate him for his honesty and perhaps his caring and loving. Do you love him? Maybe you do. It's possible to love him even though you still hold love for your husband.

Best of luck!

So, do you want to go back with your husband? Can you ever trust him? Will he agree to go to counseling to help rebuild that trust? Or do you want to begin a new chapter with someone who you already trust and can build a new life with?

Only you can make the decision. I would say that even if you end the current relationship, you should spend some time separate from your husband while you try to rebuild. If you stay in the current relationship, it may be a good idea to get some personal counseling to help you reconcile your conflicting feelings and of course work on getting a divorce.

Answer 4

Till Death Do Us Part!

Most people never really think of this part of the vows until there is a problem within the marriage. I believe that this is the most important part of the marriage vows. God gives us an opportunity for divorce in the Bible. It is when a person has been unfaithful and has committed adultery. That person can be set aside for divorce and the one who was faithful is allowed to remarry because they received a Biblical divorce. The problem is, you didn't divorce him when you found out he was cheating.......You committed adultery also. This makes you as guilty as he is. You only have two options...Ask God to forgive you and give your marriage another chance or get a divorce based on adultery on both parties. It doesn't matter which one of you committed adultery first, the fact that you both did makes you both guilty. Sometimes people want to pick and choose excuses for their behavior. In your case, you might justify your actions by saying you were unhappy with your marriage because of his behavior so you committed adultery. Thing is, that was already his excuse. It didn't work for him and it won't work for you. I know you are hurting, but the only right thing to do is stay true to your vows. Doing the right thing usually isn't the easiest path, but it is the most fulfilling. God also tells us in His word, that if you have mutual physical contact(sex) with your husband, after either of you knew the other was cheating, you have forgiven such behavior in your hearts. That means if you and him get back together to try again, you shouldn't have physical contact with him until you both have forgiven each other completely. Then, neither of you should (EVER) bring the subject up again once God has forgiven you and you have forgiven each other. If not, and you get together and have sex, and then decide you are not staying together God will judge it as you both committing adultery again. I hope this helps you and God Blesses your union.

Answer 5

Even though you have a husband he is only on paper and you do not have the guts to leave him and since he already knows this he will continue to abuse the relationship and lower your self esteem to such a level that you will be just as he is doing now with you ,creating a love triangle.True love has to be only between two persons and no sharing,they say in spanish that being accustomed to someone is stronger than love,especially if that someone knows what buttons to push to manipulate you emotionally and every other way you have to get your standards back . God does look at the person that is trying to do the right thing,you are not condemned as yet,because you have,nt died,think about the quality of life you want for yourself and make the right decision,good luck

Answer 6

You can't convict your husband for cheating since that is what you are doing (even if you are separated you are still married). You have a choice to make you can choose to make a go of it with your husband and if you do I suggest you both get some serious marriage counseling. I think the guy you are with is your rebound guy, someone to make you feel good about yourself after being hurt so badly. If you can't make a go of it with your husband then I say build up your self esteem yourself before getting into another serious relationship. Best wishes

Answer 7

I believe strongly that you're making a mistake by keep giving into you're Husband. There is an old saying: Leopards do NOT change spots=means: he will never change to a faithful partner, HE IS A PLAYER. As long as you permit him to come in and out of you're Life, YOU NEVER HAVE A LIFE YOURSELF.
Get a divorce and be free to have an honest relationship with you're new Man. He deserves to have a One Man Women, just like you want with Husband but are not able to achieve.
Give this new relationship a chance and even if he's not the one after a time, you are still better off than playing SECOND FIDDLE to you're Husband.
God will forgive us for our Sins but that does not mean for us to keep Sinning once we know what needs to be done.

Answer 8

I understand why you are feeling convicted of God. YOu are in a wrong relationship with this other man. I'm sure you've heard before 'two wrongs don't make a right'. You need to end your affair if you have any hope of reconciling with your husband. It sounds to me like you and your hubby need some good counselling. Have you checked with your church? Counsellors through the church are best. It is possible for you guys to work this out, he just needs to be willing as well. It will take work and a lot of forgiveness. Forgiveness means not throwing it back in his face later when you get in a fight and are feeling insecure. This will take as much from you as it will from him. Good luck girl! I'll be praying for you.

Answer 9

You and your husband have to figure out if you want to stay married. If you do, then you need to commit to resolve the issues in your marriage that made both of you stray. Keep in mind that if you're serious about staying together it's going to be hard work. If you're not going to stay together, then work out a peaceful, respectful ending to your marriage.

Whether you stay with your husband or not, getting involved with someone while still married is a bad idea. It only complicates matters. As it stands, you're thinking about going back to your husband...look at where that leaves your lover.

Make a decision and stick to it.

Answer 10

I was in the same situation as you a couple of years ago. I felt convicted also. I finally decided to give my ex a second chance and he back to telling lies and hiding things from me in a few months. I went back to the guy I was with before because he was a sweetheart. I few months later, my ex wants to try again. I wanted my family back and still loved him and I thought maybe after all thats happened he might have learned I would not put up with it. This time was worse that ever. I lost the guy who I could trust and loved to give him a third chance.