Is my father in law gay? Tell the wife?

Question

My Fr in law is a fitness finatic; runs the San Francisco marathon and other races there each year, etc. Recently after we finished a game of raquetball, we were showering and he said it reminded him of times in the miliatry, when they weren't fighting, they'd play sports at camp for exercise. He said sometimes he'd pitch, other times he'd catch. He said after a good workout, they'd sword fight in the showers and asked if I'd ever done that. I did not reply. He said maybe next time he and I could do that. He's not come out directly and said he's gay, but what else can I infer? What do I tell my wife? What do I do in the shower with him if this comes up? Has anyone ever had this happen?

Answer 1

The Spread of Homosexuality

AMONG the things that make these days critical and hard to deal with is the spread of homosexuality. We read that “perhaps as many as 12 million American men and women” are homosexuals. (Time, October 24, 1969) In the Netherlands homosexuality has spread so much that the country has been called a “mecca of homosexuals.” And today homosexual themes and overtones crop up in stage plays, in motion pictures and even on the television screen.

Contributing to the spread of homosexuality is the trend toward legalizing it. Some years ago Britain made homosexual acts between consenting adults legal. Canada and West Germany, during the past year, have done the same. And two states in the United States have adopted similar legislation.

No small factor in the spread of homosexuality is the attitude of growing numbers of clergymen. A few years ago ninety Episcopal clergymen went on record defending homosexual acts between consenting adults as not being wrong in themselves. The softening attitude of the clergy toward homosexuality is also indicated by the result of a survey involving 3,000 Protestant clergymen. Published in McCall’s magazine of February 1968, the survey said:

“To follow a single thread through 3,000 letters is not easy; but one such thread was so clear as to be unforgettable—the surprising compassion extended to the homosexual.”—P. 147.

In some areas homosexuals live virtually in a world of their own. Thus one businessman in Los Angeles who owns two $60,000 homes boasts: “I live in a completely gay [homosexual] world. My lawyer is gay, my doctor is gay, my dentist is gay.”

WHAT IS IT?

There seems to be some vagueness on the part of many as to just what homosexuality is. The common impression is that only sodomy is homosexuality, that is, males having intercourse with one another. Sodomy is homosexuality, but not all homosexuality is sodomy. According to Webster’s Third New International Dictionary homosexuality is “erotic activity with a member of one’s own sex. . . . libidinal [sexual, lustful] gratification is sought with members of one’s own sex.”

Therefore any activity such as kissing, petting, fondling, that is calculated to arouse the passions of another of the same sex is homosexuality. And while most persons think of homosexuals as males, the term applies equally to females who carry on the same practices. However, there is another word that is limited to female homosexuality, namely, lesbianism.

DOES LEGALIZING IT MAKE IT RIGHT?

Even though one government after another legalizes homosexuality between consenting adults, does this make it right? Whether governments consider it a private matter or a public crime is something for which they must bear responsibility. But each individual must decide for himself his own attitude toward homosexuality. Lovers of God, truth and righteousness take the position of the apostle Paul: “Let God be found true, though every man be found a liar.”—Rom. 3:4.

The Bible, the Word of Jehovah God, cites the warning example of the people of Sodom and Gomorrah who lived over 3,800 years ago. As do so many homosexuals in modern prisons, they desired to gratify their lusts by raping men, in this case two angelic guests that came to visit the patriarch Lot, the nephew of Abraham. Concerning Sodom and Gomorrah the disciple Jude tells us that because of their having “gone out after flesh for unnatural use, [they] are placed before us as a warning example by undergoing the judicial punishment of everlasting fire.”—Jude 7; Gen. 19:1-29.

In his laws to the nation of Israel, Jehovah God clearly condemned homosexuality as something detestable and even prescribed the death penalty for it: “You must not lie down with a male the same as you lie down with a woman. It is a detestable thing.” “Where a man lies down with a male the same as one lies down with a woman, both of them have done a detestable thing. They should be put to death without fail. Their own blood is upon them.”—Lev. 18:22; 20:13.

The Christian Greek Scriptures are just as explicit as to how detestable homosexuality is in the sight of Jehovah God: “That is why God gave them up to disgraceful sexual appetites, for both their females changed the natural use of themselves into one contrary to nature; and likewise even the males left the natural use of the female and became violently inflamed in their lust toward one another, males with males, working what is obscene and receiving in themselves the full recompense, which was due for their error . . . those which was due for their error . . . those practicing such things are deserving of death.” Similarly the same apostle (Paul) tells us very explicitly that “neither . . . men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, . . . will inherit God’s kingdom.”—Rom. 1:26, 27, 32; 1 Cor. 6:9, 10; 1 Tim. 1:9, 10.

Yes, even if homosexuality be legalized, even if it becomes ever so popular, even if the whole world becomes like Sodom and Gomorrah, yet for Christians the truth of God’s Word still stands—homosexuality is something detestable, both to Jehovah God and moral man.

FRUSTRATING AND UNNATURAL

Since the laws of Jehovah God are in the best interests of man, it does not surprise Christians to find ever so many among the medical profession and other healing professions who speak out against this practice. They often speak of the frustration of the homosexual. And Dr. D. J. West, a leading London authority, who, incidentally, believes in tolerating homosexual acts between consenting adults, states: “No doctor should advise a young person to rest content with a homosexual orientation without first giving a grave warning about the frustration and tragedy that so often attend this mode of life.”

That this is not just the heterosexual viewpoint is apparent from a recent book by two homosexuals. After telling that there is a hierarchy of respectability for meeting places, the ‘gay’ bar being the most respectable and the street the least so, the authors go on to say:

“The street pickup is even more impersonal than the others; the conversation is shorter, there is less loitering, one comes to the point with crude and brutal rapidity that even the participants wish could somehow be prolonged.

“They meet, they have their sex, and they do not know each other’s names. They were lonely before, and they are lonelier after, gripped by despondency and by disappointment in themselves. . . . They walk aimlessly into the night, . . . perhaps searching . . . in the most disrespectable place, precisely because they think so little of themselves and of the type of sex life they are pursuing.”—The Homosexual and his Society, by D. W. Cory and J. P. LeRoy.

Not that this is the lot of all homosexuals. But it may well be the lot of the great majority. As Dr. West put it, “the frustration and tragedy that so often attend this mode of life.”

Underscoring the words of Dr. West is the statement of a practicing homosexual who admitted: “My life is a complete mess. But don’t let me make you think I am happy. I’m not. I’m miserable and looking for a way out. . . . I’m miserable and frustrated and tormented.”

Is it any wonder that the practice of homosexuality is so often frustrating? The Creator made the two sexes to complement each other, both for the purpose of ‘filling the earth’ and to bring fulfillment and happiness to each other. That man and woman were intended for each other is indicated by the very structure of the sex organs. Marital intimacies, carried on with consideration for each other, strengthen the marriage tie as well as the personality of each. Yes, where both husband and wife play the proper role according to God’s standard, marriage is beautiful and upbuilding.—1 Cor. 7:3-6; Eph. 5:22-33.

Does not the very soundness of the Bible’s heterosexual position at once underscore the unsoundness of the homosexual position? In the homosexual relationship one party often feigns or acts the part of the opposite sex, physically, mentally and emotionally, and so it is based on a lie. As the book Homosexuality, authored by the Society of Medical Psychoanalysts, Research Committee, said, “It is irrational to try to find feminine qualities in a male sexual partner.”

The spread of homosexuality means that many persons are taking up a way of life that so often brings frustration and misery. It is something detestable and loathsome in the eyes of God and lovers of righteousness. Our knowing what to do to avoid such an unhappy outcome, one disapproved by God, is the wise course to take. The following article discusses homosexuality’s causes and prevention.

Answer 2

you do no longer say something approximately your reactions whatsoever. you do no longer say in case you have been bowled over, indignant, violated, etc. i do no longer think of you ought to tell spouse basically yet. communicate together with her father and enable him understand that he crossed the line here. the regulations are the comparable as though the placement grow to be reversed. think of roughly this sort, in case your father got here onto your spouse, what might have been the right reaction? Now sub it with your mom instead. you notice? the regulations are nevertheless the comparable. the line grow to be crossed. you ought to touch him and enable him understand to no longer try this lower back. Ever. you will enable your spouse understand if it happens lower back. that's no longer homophobic. the synthetic a circulate on his daughter's hubby. that's a super no-no. If he does it lower back, then tell her. and supply up coming over there. Now on the off threat which you have got here across which you have cherished the kiss, then do no longer go the line the two. You belong to the single you're married to. no person else.

Answer 3

Well, if a sword fight means what I think it means, I guess it depends on if you want to play or not. If the idea grosses you out, then it doesnt matter whether he is the King of England...just tell him you find his suggestion totally gross, and while he is entitled to his preferences, you would prefer he never mentions it again...but I am with the first answer...just dont shower with him again....dont ever put yourself in a situation where he sees your naked body...that is my advice. As to telling your wife....there isnt a lot to go on, and if it is worrying you that much, maybe you can ask your father in law if he is gay.....Whatever his response, I still would not put myself in a situation where I would be alone with him....I think he has made his intentions quite clear to you. He may be your father-in-law, but he is not God, and he was totally out of line even suggesting something like that to you.

If you have an honest and open relationship with your wife and you discuss anything and everything, then it shouldnt be hard to talk to her about this too....Maybe he is gay and maybe she knows....or maybe he isnt gay, because service personnel do some really strange things together but doesnt mean they are gay.

If I would you, I would limit contact with him to only when it is unavoidable, and like I said I would not put myself in a situation where I was alone with him.....unless of course you want to have a "sword" fight. Maybe its innocent, I dont know, but even if it was, it would certainly gross me out if I was in your situation.

Answer 4

why did you shower with him that makes you look just as bad

Answer 5

just have a sword fight an keep the peace!

Answer 6

Best solution, don't shower with him again.

Answer 7

He's just messing with you typical military stuff.