Maybe it's dumb, but I'd like to hear it more than once or twice a year when I ask him if he still loves me. If I ask, he says, "I married you. That should tell you something." He says it's ridiculous when I tell him that sometimes I feel down and wonder how he feels about me. A long time ago he told me that he never says anything he doesn't mean, so I wonder if he doesn't feel like saying it because he doesn't feel like he means it.
I'm just having an insecure and vulnerable moment, but if anybody (especially guys) has any insight or advice I'd appreciate it right now. Thanks.
2007-03-20 12:13:40 · 17 answers · asked by Pippa A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband probably just has a different way of expressing himself than you do. He might be more of a "do-er", and feels that the most valuable expressions of love are not words but deeds. I used to be married to a person who was very good with words; he used to shower me with compliments and expressions of his love, always telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was, and how great it was to be married to me. Well, one day he walked out on me, with no prior warning, to be with someone else. I was devastated, but I moved on. I am now married to a wonderful person; he seldom uses words to tell me how much he loves me - but I can hardly doubt his love; everything he does expresses it. I value this depth much more than the shallow verbal expressions; it takes some time to learn to understand this non-verbal "language" - but once you do, you might discover a wealth of feelings this person has for you.
2007-03-20 12:29:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him how you feel about hearing those 3 words only twice a year? How the fact that he married you is nice, but being told that he loves you would mean so much to you? Tell him, just like you stated here.
2007-03-20 19:19:48 · answer #2 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've come to believe that guys are being honest when they say they don't need to say they love you--they SHOW it, by staying with you, by working to support the family, by making love to you and spending time. They feel that should be clear enough.
You can bug him to say it more, because if it's a need you have, it's a need, whether irrational or not. But I think you should just take him at his word, and figure out the real reason you feel so insecure.
2007-03-20 19:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was married years ago to a man who seldom if ever said those words, he had all the right actions but-- come to find out--he din't love me. I've been married for a long time now to a man who says it every day, and means it. Bible says what comes out of the mouth is the over flow of the heart.
2007-03-20 19:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married one like that too. He felt he shouldn't have to say it, because I should know it, and that it was my own insecurities. Truthfully, women just like to hear it and need to hear it. It doesn't mean we are insecure. We are emotional by nature. He's just being a selfish jerk. My question is, even if you needed to hear it 10 times a day, does it take any skin off his back? They are words it only takes a moment to say. Something feels eerily familiar about your question to me. I say HE is a pompous jackazz for telling you that you are "ridiculous" for how you feel. We don't CHOSE to feel that, we just do. Don't be surprised if this problem only leads to more, and the longer you're with him, the more you realize you don't even like him. He's emotionally unavailable.
2007-03-20 19:22:32 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What is his family like? Perhaps they didn't say those kinds of things to him when he was growing up......or to each other. It may embarrass him. Give him a chance. Try to explain to him how good it makes you feel when he does say it. My other half tells me he loves me, but has problems with what I call, 'love speak'. He wasn't exposed to it while growing up and he just doesn't know how to put feelings into words. Until your husband can come to grips with this, just tell him how you feel about him. Don't over do it or you may embarrass him, but make sure he knows how wonderful it feels to have him in your life. Eventually, he may open up to you more.
2007-03-20 19:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by TJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! I'm a guy and I can honestly say i have no clue. I know that I like to hear it and I most certainly like to say it. I would flat out ask him Y?
remember that although you are 1/2 the relationship you can negativly or positivly effect 60%
2007-03-20 19:21:09 · answer #7 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh no. another one of those guys. my friend has the same problem w/ her on again/off again husband. he just cannot admit that he may need to do something OUT OF HIS WAY to make you feel secure. what he doesn't realize is that it is part of the man's JOB to make sure his significant other is Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically satisfied.
therefore, u are not being satisfied emotionally in this case, which affects u mentally, and in fact will affect you physically because u will wonder if u are being intimate because he wants sex, not cuz he loves you. Your Feelings are IMPORTANT. he needs to understand that. he needs to understand that sometimes u need reassurance, support, and extra love in order to feel good about yourself and the relationship.
if he can't accept that, u need to find another Man, cuz he ain't one yet. he's just a boy who's too immature to admit that his woman isn't being satisfied. the qualities that a true man has would be to do what is Best for you, and the relationship. to make you happy, not because he is your "slave", but because making you happy makes him happy. and i'm sure u do things for him to let him know he is loved right?
guys and girls are extremely different, u need to learn how to communicate w/ him in a way that gets Results. remember, men are from venus, women are from mars. for Reals... no joke. we do not understand eachother's language the same way! u have to think of how to say it in a way that he can understand, and ask him to help you make things better, together.
good luck, and don't let him treat you Badly.
2007-03-20 19:20:46 · answer #8 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My father was a very emotionless person. he had feelings, but he wasn't so good at expressing them. He didn't even tell me he loved me. He used to say "More" if I said it to him. It meant he loved me more, but he had a very hard time actually saying the words "I love you." If I was you I would be looking towards his actions. Does he treat you like he loves you and wants you to be with him? Does he do little things he knows will make you happy? I think actions speak louder than words.
2007-03-20 19:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not saying what he really feels is just a guy thing. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He sounds alittle young being romantic comes w/age give him time.
He will learn what to say when he wants to make you feel good
2007-03-20 19:23:33 · answer #10 · answered by bubbba2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋