which one of us is wrong?

Question

before me and my husband got married, he told me he didnt want to be with me, later i found out i was pregnant, then he wanted to marry me, well between the time we wasnt together i messed around with someone else, he didnt know, but i told him after we got married.well he cheated on me since we've been married, and lied about it too, i found out on my own, he even told the girl he loved her and wanted to be with her, cheating is cheating but its worst when your married, who is mostly wrong?

Answer 1

You two married for the sake of the child you were about to have together, and not so much out of love, not that I am throwing any stones, but that is the reality as you have described it yourself. Cheating is cheating as well; it is never right to lie and be with someone else unless you are both agreable to have an "open relationship".

Answer 2

Both of you are in the wrong, but, He would be (legally)committing adultery since you already made the marriage vows. This doesn't mean you are without fault. You should have told him everything before getting married and probably shouldn't have married him in the first place. He didn't want to be with you, and you becoming pregnant doesn't instantly change that. Sometimes men, who make a mistake like impregnating a woman, want to be a good father, but makes a lousy husband in the process. Same goes with the mother. Why would you compound your mistake(getting pregnant) with another mistake(marrying someone who doesn't want to be with you). Don't tell me it's because you loved him (you wouldn't have screwed some other guy). And don't tell me it was for your unborn child. Your child doesn't need to be in a home where two parents have or are cheating and are not happy together. If you ask me, and you did, you should work on your marriage together, (which you now owe to your child) or get divorced and stop all the nonsense. I am not an advocate for divorce, because most people get remarried and end up committing adultery. But, you are already in that situation. If you are religious at all, ask God to forgive you both and ask him to help you forgive each other and go forward from there. Otherwise, you will keep blaming each other and no one will ever be happy. I hope you appreciate the tactfullness of this letter and don't take it as a personal attack. It's not meant to be that way. I have always believed that the best answer to a question is an honest answer to a question. Sometimes, people need to hear what they don't want to. I hope you and your family find your way.

Answer 3

seems from this you "cheated" when he didn't want to be with you and therefore you were not together, am I right? therefore, why is that "cheating" at all. You were on your own and with someone else for whatever length of time. Then you let him know you were pregnant and he decided he wanted to be with you and marry you after all. Perhaps not the best of reasons to get married, but at that point you both made a commitment to each other. What he has done is adultery. He should not have married you if he was not going to be faithful to you. You also should have been honest about the other person you were seeing before you got back together with him, in my opinion and not waited till after you got married to come clean.

Answer 4

If you went with someone else while you were not together you don't have anything to be wrong about. Normally, when you marry you promise your commitment to one another and, should not cheat. Personnally I would not stay with a cheater because I would consider it a lack of respect towards me. However, if this guy married you because you were pregnant and told you that he did not love you then your marriage was doomed to fail from the beginning. So may be his commitment was only for the sake of the child. He might not consider that he is cheating on you. Talk to him about it and consult before you make a decision. I don't think it is about being wrong but about willingness on both parties to try to save a marriage if love is part of the deal.

Answer 5

He married you because he though that the baby was his. After the marriage, you told him about the other man you were with. He doubts whether the baby is his or not. Wouldn't you? Now he wants to be single because he doesn't trust you and he married you for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a commitment and its foundation is love. Normally, people establish that they are "in love" and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Neither one of you knew the ground rules. Good relationships are built on two people who love and adore one another not because a pregnancy happened. Both of you would have to be willing to work really hard to make this thing work. It takes two.

Answer 6

Marriage really should not be about who is right or wrong. I think you did a great disservice to yourself by staying with someone who told you he did not want you. You need more self esteem. Ask yourself this, Do you want your son or daughter to think that this is what marriage is? Do you want to be with someone who wants to be with someone else and is only with you for the sake of a child. You should have never told him that you were with someone else when you were not together because that was not his business and it was not cheating if you were broken up. His cheating after you were married should be totally unacceptable. You have to protect yourself and your child. I would suggest marriage counseling and if he chooses not to go I would get out of the relationship and find a healthy relationship.

Answer 7

I'm not sure I completely understand..... is it possible he's not the father of the child? You don't really specify that. If that's not an issue, he had the affair, you were broke up when you were with the other person. But.....
If you are trying to save this marriage, then you shouldn't be worried about who is worse, you should be trying to fix the problems that led both of you to seek out other people. If it can't be fixed you need to separate as amicably as possible because you share at least one child together and it's not fair for your child to suffer because his/her parents can't act like adults.
From the sound of things you should have never gotten married. I feel sorry for your child. They are the only innocent one in this mess.

Answer 8

I think once you take those vows in front of God you have made a contractual commitment to each other. When you are not married you don't owe each other anything. I think it is horrible when a couple gets married and one cheats, but theres no real commitment before the vows. People these days people get married and divorced at the drop of a hat. It's crazy.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you two have some more serious issues to work out than to decide who is wrong here. That is easy you both are to a degree. But to continue to live in misery is beyond belief. I think you tow better just sit down and work out a game plan hopefully between yourselves cause this is going no where either of you want to be. If you cannot come to agreement that both of you are comfortable with then it is time to hit the highway. Good luck to you both. And if you can't work it out between each of you then seek counsel. You need to get to working this out, it will not get any better until you do.

Answer 10

you are both wrong but we only have your side of it, I'm sure he will tell a different story. what was the purpose of telling him after you got married? you knew he would call it off so you waited until it was a done deal, then told him. that is deceit. of course an affair is also wrong. who is more wrong,
neither of you. you deceived him, he deceived you. I think if it was an affair that was carried on over a long time, he has done more damage to you. but if it was just a quick screw. then it probably did your marriage good, he wouldn't spend the next 10 years wanting a taste of some strange. you know the feeling. you got yours too. you both found it wasn't any greener on the other side. are you looking to justify a quick screw on the side? kinda sounds like it.