Advice for an engaged couple?

Question

I'm getting married next year. I have never been married before, and I truly want this to last forever. I don't want to sound naive, but I think that given the right attitude, and a lot of work, marriages can still last. I'm open to pretty much any advice from married people (or people who have been married and learned from it) that will help me to achieve my goal.

Answer 1

Here's a list of the most important things to understand about a marriage- trust me!!!:

1. Communication is the most important part. If you don't know what is going on with each other, you will find conflict.
2. If your spouse is irritating you, you MUST tell them. If you don't, it will build up and build up and you will just explode one day. It may be five years after you've married- but it will happen. I'm sure you've seen movies and tv shows where the guy forgets to take out the trash and the woman just goes nuts on him because he never cleans up after himself, etc.., etc... As soon as something bothers you, you must tell your spouse.
3. You both need to know exactly what is going on with your finances and need to make all financial decisions together. It's true, money is one of the most fought about topics.
4. You both must feel like equals when it comes to everything. If one of you feels like you work harder than the other or gets to make more decisions then the other- you'll fight about it eventually. My husband and I have different responsabilities but they all even out. We always come to an agreement when it comes to any major decision.
5. Always be patient. Remember that you love this person and they deserve more patience from you than anyone else.
6. Keep sex interesting. If you have problems with your sex life, you start to grow apart.
7. Don't become codependent. Don't base everything you think and feel based on your spouse. This is a huge mistake I've seen others make.

All in all, you have to be strong and able to stand on your own and not depend on your mate for security. The best thing for a person to have is a strong spouse that is always there and is always willing to remember why they married their mate- even when they are mad.

Another problem that is common is that people quit trying once they are married. They gain weight, they get into a rut, they quit caring about all the little things like they did when they were only dating the person. Don't let yourself get into a rut and don't "let yourself go". It's really important. How many times have you seen a movie or show where the wife/husband says "Where's the person I married?" Sure, we all change over time- but make that change be for the better.

Finally, always let your behavior show that you care. Behavior speaks louder than words!

Answer 2

You both need to discuss what you are expecting out of each other and your marriage. Marriage is one of the hardest yet most enjoyable things that you will ever work at(and it is work). You spend each and every day living those wedding vows. Don't argue - discuss everything. Learn to really listen to each other rather than talk all the time. Get up every day telling each other, "I Love You" and don't ever go to bed mad. Don't ever forget to do the little things for each other - it's the little things that are the most important. Love your spouse as though he will die tomorrow and he should do the same. Keep the excitement and desire for each other by keeping the romance in your lives every day. If you love someone it's easy to show them on a daily basis - by touch and what you say(and how you say it). A lifelong marriage will seem like a lifelong honeymoon no matter what problems you face. You have the comfort in knowing you face everything together and can depend on each other. Good Luck and much happiness upon you both.

Answer 3

You've got it right! With the right attitude and a lot of work marriages can last! And the first declaration is: MARRIAGE IS A LOT OF WORK. It doesn't make itself or keep itself happy, it's give and take and it's listen before speaking and it's acknowledging what the other has said verbally to assure them that they have been heard. Its saying "yes" to change and considering what someone has said about a flaw in you before rebutting. It's about showing the other person you love them in many ways- flirting, kissing, hugging, favors, understanding, respecting. If they walk away becuase they're angry, know that something in that convo went wrong and let them walk away to cool down. There's time, there's no reason to make them hash it out then and there when you can wait 10 minutes or 5 hours to talk calmly. Take that time to pinpoint what made you and your partner so angry and address that. Be first to say you're sorry if you know you're wrong, but stand your ground if you know you're right. When it comes to sex- marriage doens't change it by making it duller, you do- so keep up the fun and excitement. Think before you speak if you're angry or offended. If they say something rude, stare at them and calmly say that was rude and disrespectful. Remember that no matter how close you are you BOTH have boundaries, emotionally and physically. You can't tell the other person what they are and put them down and you can't penetrate their physical boundary by coming too close if they don't want you to or inflicting physical pain and VISE VERSA. It works both ways. Last of all don't try TOO hard. It's marriage but if you make it into what you think it's SUPPOSED to be you'll lose the heart of what you two are. There is no your way or their way anymore and what was "right" in your family or "right" in his family- you two are creating what makes your family. Enjoy it and take your time. Keep life at your pace and take things slow. Little things like eating in the restaraunt instead of just picking it up and bringing it home after errands. Walk around the grocery store for awhile, it doesn't have to take 1.2 hours exactly. Cook dinners together and try new things together.

This is what I have learned in my marriage and w/ human interaction. They seem to be very key to help it run smoothly. I hope you can use them as well.

Answer 4

Have an OPEN MIND, going into marriage! Don't believe the movies, love doesn't conquer all!!! Though we would like it to. Many people don't believe in it or its against religions or my parents would kill me, but I am a firm believer in that you need to live with the person before you get married. My wife and I got all our fights of learning to live with each other out in the beginning and realized that we love each other and love each other. Since our wedding we take each day for what its worth and make the best of every situation. You can not change fate but only be accepting of it and learn from it. Good luck.

Answer 5

Never, ever let the romance die in your relationship. People think that once they are married they can relax, let their appearance go, stop having sex, stop communicating, etc. NOT TRUE!
Always communicate your deepest feelings honestly with each other every day of your life.
Always keep the romance in your relationship by leaving each other love notes, doing sweet, unexpected things for each other, etc.
Keep your sex life as interesting and varied as possible. Don't let your appearance go! Exercise and stay fit for each other.
Most of all be best friends as well as lovers.
Don't be possessive of each other. You have to have outside interests, your own friends, jobs, hobbies, etc. in order to stay interesting to each other.
If you have children, expect that they will change your relationship a little bit. Make sure if you have children that you get a babysitter and make a 'date night' with each other every single week if you can, or at least every other week. You'll need that time to nourish your relationship.
Make a budget together and stick to it so money does not become an issue between you.
Accept each others' faults as an enduring part of the person you are in love with.
Know that when you first move in together it will take some time for you to adjust to living with each other. Share the housework!

Answer 6

I have been married to my highschool sweetheart for 11 years. Marriage can work if both people are willing to make it work.It's inspiring when it works!
There have been a lot of bumps along the road and days where I wonder if maybe there is somebody else out there better for me but that's just human nature to think like that and besides I spent 11 years training this one and finally got him doing the things I need done why the heck would i want a new puppy? :)

I wish you the best!

Answer 7

Congratulations! One thing I've learned from being married is - In the beginning, it's easy to get swept away by the positives, but you have to try and reflect on the negatives to make sure you are ok with them. You can't enter a marriage thinking that this thing and that thing will change or go away. Once you have made peace with the less desirable traits and accepted them in your partner, it is much easier to enjoy the positives.

Answer 8

Good luck! I got married last year to a wonderful man :)
We now live together, and still get on fantastically. I think part of the reason we work so well is because we have a very close friendship too. The only advice I could give (because I'm still new to this too!) is to give each other space, talk about anything that bothers you, and be accepting.

Answer 9

Spend the next year getting to know your potential husband, including his "bad" habits.

Discuss each and every topic that might be important to either of you; sex, children, money, careers, religion, politics, philosophy, etc.

And here are some of the most significant elements of a successful relationship:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Oh yes, we've been happily married for 36 years.

Answer 10

purchase "The 5 Love Languages" by ability of Gary Chapman. (And follow it.) It has helped our marriage a great deal. not in any respect enable your stubborness or pride ward off you from recognizing that you want more beneficial from one yet another, and make certain they know that. Trivial nuances can upload up, and without note you note of you're unhappy with the man you married. do not enable your stubborness show you how to both get that a procedures without speaking about what you want to experience loved. sturdy success! i am hoping you've a superb marriage at the same time.