I'm going steady with this guy. All in all he's nice. However, he's so uptight whenever we're together. He's still in the closet and is not yet ready to come out yet. I am a veru discreet bi guy. But when we're alone he's sweet and very thoughtful. Any advice? Thanks!
2007-03-20 10:45:05 · 5 answers · asked by David Koehl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Coming out is one thing...already being out and proud is quite another.
It's easier for some then others. If you like him and care about him enough to put up with this, then let him be. He has to come to terms with the level he's willing to be "out". Don't force this issue. You could end up regretting it if you force his hand right now. Be patient and understanding.
However, if you're wanting more than he can accomodate, more than he can provide in a sexual relationship right now, then you're wasting your time and maybe even his.
One of the hardest things about a relationship..,gay or straight, is finding someone who shares enough with you to forge a bond, but different enough to make the relationship interesting. When one person is out and the other isn't, then, how can you have a relationship that's anything but in the closet itself? You can't and that's your problem.
See, hes OK where he is...both feet in the closet with one toe out. He'll come out when he's ready. If you want content to have a relationship on his terms..one that's discreet--away form pyring eyes and celebrated only under the covers with the lights out, then fine.
You on the other hand, need to decide if you're willing to wait or not. It's really just that easy.
And it's all up to you.
Good luck.
2007-03-20 11:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by I am Laurie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now let me get this str8 (no pun intended) He uptight and in the closet and you are bisexual and discreet. It sounds like you guys were made for each other. Why change the status quo? If everything is okay with the relationship, besides him being a little fidgety tell him, "Baby, I got You". And I bet you do have his back (and those who are going to read this post, do not comment on the last sentence, I didn't mean it that way). Even though I don't know you, but if you both are chilling and all, then he should relax and take it easy. Keep assuring him that it is all good and tell him to take a couple of deep breathes. Also, you know you guys could go to the gym or just work out with each other--that is definately a tension reliever. Good luck Brotha!
2007-03-20 10:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by Gerry 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It takes a lot for a man to come "out". It could be that he is just on a side of the fence that he LOVES, but just doesn't know what to do about the other.
My girlfriend is bi. She loves being alone with me, but when we are in public she is quiet and very.."reserved".
Only in an area where NO ONE knows us, do we kiss and cuddle and hug. Its been 2 years!
Maybe, just give him space. He and you are still "coming" out. Its going to take a while, but sooner or later he will understand whats best for him.
So..if you want my advice, just give him space and time. You will know then.
2007-03-20 10:54:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're asking us how you can change him. Rather than wanting to be his Professor Higgins, perhaps you should find a boyfriend that you can accept for who he is just the way he is.
2007-03-20 10:53:45 · answer #4 · answered by castle h 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth. Tell him how u really feel.
2007-03-20 10:53:21 · answer #5 · answered by Twinkie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋