is there a future in this broken relationship?

Question

my ex girlfriend who i was with for 8 years broke up with me 3 months ago. Recently we started talking again and even spoke on the phone for 1 and a half the other night. We didnt really speak about us and more or less had a conversation as friends. The only thing we spoke of about us was that she did say she thinks we have a chance in the future but its important she is alone right now. I cant elaborate on her reason for this and our breakup but it is legitimate. I have offered my support as her friend throughout this tough time for her and can guarantee there is noone else for both of us. She still says she loves me and thinks i am a fantastic guy. I do hope we can get back together in time. Can relationships mend and be restored after a break like this which could go on for months longer and am i doing the right thing standing by her as a friend?

Answer 1

8 years is a very long time and it will not be easy to just walk away. If you are happy to carry on as you are and just stand by her as a friend then yes that is fine but how long are you prepared to put your life on hold. I think realistically you need to set yourself a timescale because do you really want to be standing by her as a friend in a years time and be no further forward in your relationship? What about you and your future?

I do believe that relationships can mend after a break and they can usually be even stronger. People break up for all sorts of reasons and if it is a legitimate reason then yes it will more than likely work out. Just don't get left on the shelf being her friend in the hope that it could go back to how is was. Give it a few months and ask her what she thinks will happen and if she thinks you can be more than friends in the future.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You're a good guy to stand by her and after 8 years do you really think anyone else knows her better than you?
My 8yr relationship ended a little over a year ago, also legitimate reasons. We'd both cheated and wouldn't get over it. He wanted to remain friends and I simply told him we couldn't. It's not like we were ever just friends. We were always more than that.
Talking on the phone or hanging out just wouldn't work for us because we had never been just that. Taking things down a gear would be too hard. It was hard enough anyway, after 8 years with a person you have planned a future with them. If things don't work out and you don't get back together what will you think? Will you be happy you stood by her? What if she does find someone else while you are being her friend? Will you regret that you weren't moving on?
I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Just make sure you look out for yourself, she was thinking of herself when she broke up with you. Maybe this friend thing is an afterthought because you have been such an important part of her life. Think things over very carefully as only you really know your side of the story and you probably don't know all of hers.
Please keep in mind that if her reasons aren't all that good (like you know other people who have been in her situation and not broke up or gotten divorced), then there is more to the story than she wants to tell you because she doesn't want to hurt you that much right now. If it's this, you may be better off telling her you don't want "maybe in the future."
She has known you for a long time and she should know if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and if she does then she shouldn't need/want a break.
Don't get hurt being her friend. You can write to me if you want.

Answer 4

I feel that you are doing the right thing, but the real question is are you doing what you want to do? If so then continue. Any relationship can be saved if the two people that are involved want it. Without much information it is really hard to say. I feel that after 8 years she should have been able to work through whatever with you there and not need to actually break up. You say it is legitimate and you are in it so you know better than I do. My best answer is pray and do what feels right. After fifteen years of marriage and witnessing a lot in other relationships as well as my own my motto is, "No one can tell you when you have had enough, that is solely up to you."

Answer 5

It sounds like you guys are really communicating about this and that's a good sign. However, don't allow her to drag you too far into her "tough time" (I don't know what it is, and I'm not mocking, just quoting). Waiting for a relationship to rekindle can be brutal. There are some very hard things about it. Not being able to hold them or kiss them if they are confiding in you; having to write "single" when you fill out profiles because you aren't technically in a relationship; the list goes on and on. The relationship can be restored, but it is the break itself which can cause heartbreak and a lot of tears.

Answer 6

In my experience, the longer you hold on to an ex, the harder it is to move on. I realize that you still love her and want to get back together, but I think that a friendship between you two so soon after a breakup is impossible. Those feelings are still there. I suggest that you stay out of her life during this time that she feels she needs to be alone and focus on you. Don't think of the possibility of your getting back together or you'll obsess over it and stay stuck in the same position you are in now. Move on as best as you can, and if she comes back, then great. If not, then at least you'll already have gotten a head start on getting on with your life.

Answer 7

No one else can tell you whether or not your relationship is going to work out. Especially if we don't even know why you broke up! If it was just because she wanted to be alone for a while, she is probably not ready to commit to you and needs to "sew her wild oats". I would not recommend sitting at home waiting for her to take you back, either. Live your life, stay friends, if it works out in the end then good for you guys. If there is another reason, then you have to know if it is a good one. You guys were together for 8 years and there has to be a reason for that.

Answer 8

This relationship can definitely be saved if you too are meant to be - its inevitable. However, she seems that right now she just needs a friend to walk with during this time. So be her friend, but at he same time don't fool yourself into thinking that when this is over its going to be back the way it was. This may be a time for you to better yourself. You may be a great guy - but there are things that can make you better. Find something that can enhance your attributes - channel your energy elsewhere. In other words - remain her friend, but keep in mind that that may be just what it should be - a friendship.

Answer 9

All you can do is hope for the best. Whetever the reason your relationship ended, the best thing you can do is remain by her side as a friend. If she truly does still love you, she will appreciate you more if you stick by her through thick and thin. Even if you don't get back together, she still needs to know that you will by her no matter what.

Answer 10

Yes of course this broken relationship can mend and you can get back together you are defiantly doing the right thing being supportive as her friend first because you should always be friends before gf/bf.