My husband and I seperated 1 yr ago. It was mutual. We never discussed seeing other people it just happened. Time has passed and the relationships have ended, and we have decided to get back together and make this work. I am finding out alot of things he did in his relationship and it makes me want to throw up...Has too much damage been done? How do we get thru this? PLEASE HELP!
2007-03-20 10:21:01 · 12 answers · asked by Bailey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you really want it to work, you've got to put all things that happened during that year of separation behind you. Don't ask about it and don't allow your mind to wonder about it.
Get some counseling as well.
2007-03-20 10:33:05 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard to rekindle a relationship after so much time has gone by. Even after a few months it is hard to go back especially if the both of you have brought other people into the picture. Just think of how much you have probably changed in the last year. Every time you two get into it you will start thinking of the other guy and every time he pisses you off you will probably think of what you had with the other guy. You may also start driving yourself crazy with his relationship that he had with the other woman. I am not saying it is impossible but I think it will take a ton of work and you may still fail in the end. Whatever happens I wish you the best.
2007-03-20 10:28:15 · answer #2 · answered by Mandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you both agreed to separate, so if it was mutual like you say how can you hold anything against him... and what did you do during the separation? You can't point fingers at him if you did the same things. I hate separation and I hate divorce. People need to just gird up and work through the hard times instead of adding problems like this to the equation. I know I sound rude.. I'm not trying to be. I hope you guys can work through this and save your marriage! I don't think to much damage has been done. You can get through it , pray for each other and pray for yourself that you can each find forgiveness in each other! You can do it... I have faith in both of you!
2007-03-20 10:33:26 · answer #3 · answered by Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a mess you are in now. Well, the good news is, is there is still hope!! As long as BOTH of you are willing to make this work out, you can do it. Forgiveness is key in this situation. You can not move forward until you both ask for and receive forgiveness for whatever it is you need to forgive. You both have done things that have caused pain. When there is true forgiveness, the issues are not dug up again in future conversations, or used to throw guilt trips. Then you can begin to build trust in one another again. Communication is important. I suggest you get some council, either from a pastor, or a therapist. I hope it all works out for you two!
2007-03-20 10:36:28 · answer #4 · answered by Happy HBAC Mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be very difficult now that you've both been with other people. Those other relationships will be a source of jealousy between you and since you have already separated once, you may not have complete faith going back into this relationship (which is necessary if you're going to make this work). See a marriage counselor and try to work out your issues there. If you can't, then at least you tried.
2007-03-20 10:32:08 · answer #5 · answered by Galoshes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u really want to make things work u have to learn how to let things go. K he was with someone else So were u. Don't u think that mayb he feel the same way about u?
U need to sit down and really figure out if this is the best thing for both of u.
Yes there r some people that need time apart, but they learn how to separate them self from their past relationship.
What u need is to find with in ur self if u can really and truly for give Ur self and him. The reason I said for give Ur self is some times we tend to blame other for what we have done.
We don't tend to see what we have done to ourselves not just fiscally, but emotionally. By u putting Ur self in this position u made Ur self feel like he see u the same way that u see urself.
Sometimes u just need to forgive ur self to learn to forgive others. There is no perfect person in the world. To forgive is Devinne.
Hope this help u.....
2007-03-20 10:41:49 · answer #6 · answered by Natural 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you even talking about the relationships you had when you were separated? Your focus should be on what you feel for each other, the issues that made you separate in the first place, and what you need to do to correct those problems so they don't resurface. Get some marriage counseling and stop badgering each other over extra-marital relationships you both had.
2007-03-20 10:27:47 · answer #7 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two went too too far with this separation. How can you live with him now? Just a thought of your husband making love to another woman will haunt you for the rest of your life. It goes same for your husband too. If you two agree to completely forget about the "break" it will still remind you time to time. I can't bare the thought of my husband making love, even saying the the things that he said to another woman when we were separated. That will kill me inside.
2007-03-20 10:57:28 · answer #8 · answered by Victoria78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if both people want the reconciliation it can work out. the less u know the better, will just hurt u. but it wasn't exactly a betrayal just that u both were in new relationships. as long as u weren't betrayed, or cheated on, reconciliation should come easy.
2007-03-20 11:31:43 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to counseling and make working on your relationship your # 1 priority. You can both over come it but you have to let the past be the past and allow yourselfs to move forward, it can be done!
2007-03-20 10:30:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋