what do u think of this poem?

Question

its called "walk away"

I don't want to hear it,
so just stop,
close your mouth,
and just walk away,
even if it's just for the day,
at least I'll have some serenity,
without having to be pestered by you,
can't you see,
I don't sympathize,
the words that come out of your mouth,
it seems like gibberish,
trying to comprehend what you enunciate,
feels like,
I'm trying to understand bird talk,
I've tried so hard,
to understand you,
but it's just not functioning,
maybe some other day,
I'll finally get you,
but for now,
please just let it be,
and walk away.

What do you think? Do you like it? could u please rate it from 1 to 10. OH and should i replace the word, "functioning" with the word "working" or just leave it alone?

sorry.. i didn't mean for it to be in this section of questions... but could u plz still answer it? thanx

Answer 1

I personally like it. One grammar critcism would be lines 10-11. You can either say

'the words that come out of your mouth, they seem like gibberish,'

or 'the stuff that comes out of your mouth, it seems like gibberish,'

But the way you have it is incorrect. Otherwise, I like it.

Answer 2

well neither functioning nor working seem to do it for me
let me think of another word ....
how about 'its just can't be' ?
thats not the right word either :(

overall i would give the poem a 6
it lacks imagery and some form of structure
some words besides functioning also dont sound quite right like serenity and sympathise

Answer 3

I read like the first 4 lines and was IMPRESSED! good, you know it's good when in that short time it can make you feel something. 10. short and to the point. leave it alone. keep it up!

Answer 4

It's creative but a bit negative.About a 4.

Answer 5

10 i,m going through a hard time. that's really cool. and understandable.. 10 all the way..."you're going to hollywood dawg."

Answer 6

I like it, I would give it a nine. You have talent.