A year ago my friend was sexually abused but she does not talk about so i do not know how she feels and i want to help her. She has recently turned a Goth she has got scrathes all up each arms, Bruses on her legs. I am so worried about her. Am i over caring
2007-03-20 09:43:22 · 18 answers · asked by Rushton 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
last night she was rushed to hospital because her stomach was cut open, i went to see her at the hospital and she said she slipped with a knife i told her i am always here for her and she took it quite offensive. Is this getting out of hand?
2007-03-20 09:53:39 · update #1
no your not over caring you should care for her just keep being a really good friend to her
2007-03-20 09:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by aquarius_water_goddess_29 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's a big difference between scratches an self harming cuts.
The bruises on the legs is an odd one though.
Mostly you cut yourself as a release of internal pain an a way of controlling how its making you feel. Its all about control of emotion.
I don't think your over caring at all. Just have a quiet word an ask softly whats up with the cuts, seriously its quite possible to get through to someone in that situation with the right approach, without it all getting heavy, end of the day its how your friend is coping right now.
It is soo hard when you dont want to carry the pain someone else has inflicted on you, an you feel guilty as hell like its your fault when your abused. I KNOW.
Chin up keep attacking, if ya wanna talk about anything just email/IM. all the best.
2007-03-20 16:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by Whatever. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not over-caring, you are caring just the right amount! Your friend is physically hurt and you are right to be concerned about her well-being. You need to find out if the scratches and bruises are caused by somebody else, or if she's hurting herself. Ask her to talk to you about why she is doing this, ask if you can help her feel better. Tell her that the next time someone hurts her or she feels like hurting herself, that she should call you first, anytime of the day or night, and you will be there for her.
While an sympathetic friend is good, what your friend really needs is therapy. She needs to talk to a professional, who can help her deal with her issues and learn to feel better. Tell a teacher or school counselor about her situation - they are required to seek help for her.
Please do this before it's too late - right now it may seem like just cuts and bruises, but tomorrow it could be suicide or a broken neck.
2007-03-20 16:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a more common thing that most people thing and its rarely just for attention seeking, the cutting and seeing the blood acts a release for the tension and worry.
it sometimes starts as a form of punishment because they think that they deserve it, it can evolve in to a necessity.
people can be addicted to the release of endorphins that occur with cutting
I've also read some where that when taken to extremes or over a long period of time blood becomes over produced, to compensate for the blood loss, which can make medical intervention a necessary
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm
there are many self help groups in operation, research them on line so that you have a better knowledge of how bad your friend is
http://www.lcet.org/selfharm/
this is a great site very informative and helpful
if it is possible talk to her parents and enlist their help, but not if this could make the situation worse. the main thing is to be there for them and try to convince her to see a doctor for help
2007-03-20 17:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont usually say this so openly! but i was sexually abused as a child by a family memebr! and last year quite often i would self harm! not because i was a goth i just felt better about it! it takes away the mental pain and turns it in to physical pain!
i would sit and talk to your friend about it! as my little sis ended up in hospital last year as she cut open a main vein it was rough night!
maybe shes to scared to speak about it! or maybe shes hoping someone will notice more often then anything it is someone crying out for attention!
good luck though! your being a great friend!
2007-03-20 16:49:06 · answer #5 · answered by SWANNY AND SNUGGLES! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does sound like she is crying out for help in more ways than one... Talk to the nurse in charge of her at the hospital about your fears... they may already realise... She should be referred to a specialist, maybe a residential centre... so they can help her cope better... before she goes too far...
Meantime, just hold her hand & ask her if there's anything she wants you to do... There may still be something going on in her life that's bad... someone hurting her emotionally, physically, perhaps sexually...
Can be embarrassing to talk about, esp. if she's proud or in denial, or locked in fear... & too caught-up / trapped circumstantially to understand what's happening to her or even to fully know what she's doing to herself...
She DEFINATELY needs your help & support, & it's really great that you care. Good luck with your friend XX
2007-03-20 17:16:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not over-caring but being a concerned friend.Your friend needs help especially as she was sexually abused,has she seen a counsellor regarding this?It`s not good to bottle up feelings which is what is going on here.You need to tread carefully though and try to gently get her to open up.......good luck.
2007-03-20 16:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by sarah y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
before going any further let me just say this: NOT ALL GOTHS HURT THEMSELVES.
anyways, she could be, it's just a matter of being there for her and not being crass. no you're not over-caring, in fact i wish i had a mate like that when i was hurting myself.
be supportive of her. if you think she might be carrying something sharp and suspect she might use it to hurt herself, try to distract her from it.
as for the whole goth thing, sorry for sounding crass when i say this, but maybe she's using it as an excuse to justify her self-harming.
2007-03-20 17:23:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a goth and know much about self harming. people who make an instant decision to go to goth could be because of depression and self harm is not far off. they want to be accepted with their feelings and feel the goth scene and people understand this.
2007-03-20 16:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by FRANCO M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you are not over caring at all. you love your friend and you just want to be there for her which is completely understandable. i have had friends who dealt with issues this year and started cutting, and even my boyfriend did it because of family problems. i think that you really should sit your friend down somewhere private and remind her that you are there for her and she can spill everything to you without the risk of judging her. it would be best to get adult help, but first, try to talk to her and get her to open up. but don't get anyone else involved until you talk to her yourself. i hope you are able to talk to her.
2007-03-20 16:49:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like it to me,all you can do is be there for her, could you not try and speak to her again she needs to talk to someone about what has happened to her(if not you a professional)
You are not over caring you are being a friend!
Good luck
2007-03-20 19:09:07 · answer #11 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋