All these years I have been asking myself this question "Is this fair to me" I have a kid and I try my best to love my husband. He is awesome, but there is not a lot of love. I see other people when they talk about their spouses, they are filled with love. Somehow I can't find love in my relationship. I am attracted to some other guy I work with but can't do anything about it as "I am married" but I was never married from the heart. Should I keep trying to save my marriage or should I look another way so that I don't ask myself this question when I turn 40 that what did I do to myself?? Don't I have the right to actually love someone and spend the rest of my life happy and contended or should I save my marriage and live all my life like this?
2007-03-20 09:33:49 · 28 answers · asked by krabby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've always hated the idea of arranged marriages.
Marriage is a sacred bond between 2 people who LOVE each other... not just a bond that parents force their children to get into. That's absurd.
You should be with someone you truly LOVE.... and he should be with someone HE truly loves. Loveless marriages are a waste of time. Don't you want to be HAPPY?
And do you really want your child to see this loveless marriage? Do you want THEM to go through what YOU are going through right now? I don't think so. Marriage is about love. Find someone you would LOVE to spend the rest of your life with.... not someone you are FORCED to spend the rest of your life with. It is YOUR life and NO ONE ELSE'S.
It's not even your parents' lives. Don't you want what's best for your child? It seems like they didn't want what's best for YOU... That's just how I see it.
2007-03-20 09:39:00 · answer #1 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have a child. I would probably be fair to my husband and see if marriage counceling or a marriage support group would be beneficial. The only reason that I say this is: the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. "He is awesome." You should not look a gift horse in the mouth. People have been in arranged marriages and have learned to love each other. If it is the attraction aspected of it--maybe something isn't being sparked in the bedroom...that might be something that can be worked on. Love takes many different forms. Sometimes when we get divorced we find that the man that we "didn't love" we loved...and they were better all the way around, as opposed to that person we work with--that we don't share a bedroom with or see how they really are at the end of each day. Oh, and then there is the aspect that couples forget about the urgency of raising children. Couples feel neglected by their spouses, etc....its a heck of a lot harder and scarier to be a single mother and date people who you don't really know--and find out that you don't want them around your children. Statistically, people who break up marriages because of other people and interests, don't usually end up with the people that they thought they would be with.
2007-03-20 16:45:12 · answer #2 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry for you if you had these doubts in your heart before you got married you should have told your parents. Since you are already married and it sounds like this guy is very nice it sounds sad that you may tear his heart out just for
the sake of love. Though really it is not healthy to live in a marriage when you are unhappy tell him and then your parents that you have no love for this man even though you have given him a child, and that you need to find the happiness that other couples have that you do not feel for your husband. You should always follow your heart. Talk to your husband who knows maybe he has the same feelings alot of men these days do not like the whole arranged marriages either and live a life of unhappiness so they do not
upset the parents.
God Bless and may you find resolution to this dilemma
2007-03-20 16:49:07 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't have a kid I would say get a divorce and find someone you really love. However that might not be the case as I don't know enough about your relationship with your husband.
Fact is you agreed to get married, and you now have a child that needs both it's parents. Unless there are some other fact than you just don't love him enough, you need to stay married until the child is raised.
Sorry.
2007-03-20 16:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
will it be fair to your kid? If your husband is a awesome guy than why is there no love? You only see others talk about theirs spouses filled with love but how do you know what is actually going on in theirs homes. Does your partner ever abuse you in any way? Spend more time with this awesome guy, you will love him with no regrets. You know the respect your husband have for you, will the other guy give you the same love?
2007-03-20 16:48:30 · answer #5 · answered by hrtNsoul 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U did get amrried to him and now u have a child too.U have a duty towards that kid.
Love or arranged, a marriage is sacred. u have to build upon it. U said ur husband is awesome, u have to learn to love him.
U dont even know if the guy u r attracted to will marry u, love u.
But the fact that u r attracted to another guy shows that theres something missing in ur marriage.
I hope u find it with ur husband.
2007-03-20 16:47:52 · answer #6 · answered by saltnsaffron 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be happy, but ask yourself if there is anyway too save your marriage. Do you think counselling could add romance and love in your marriage? Just do a long and careful evaluation before making a change.
2007-03-20 16:38:31 · answer #7 · answered by swishyvt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My father's parents, my grandparents had an arranged marriage. My grandmother came over on a boat from Italy. That was a very long time ago though. It worked out for them but it doesn't for everybody. I loved my grandparents though and I miss them a lot.
2007-03-20 16:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by Lynnemarie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Don't I have the right to actually love someone and spend the rest of my life happy and contended"
Of course you do, Losing a marrige doesn't mean you love yor children or family any less, everyone deserves a shot
2007-03-20 16:44:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to be with the one you love and the one that loves you back. If your heart is with someone else, I suggest you follow your heart. You wouldn't want to regret years from now, so follow that heart of yours and be with the man that makes your day!
2007-03-20 16:42:15 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. Hester 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋