I feel like his ex-wife is running my life?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We have a 4 month old son together and he has a 7 year old son from his previous marriage which I am crazy about. The problem that i am having is that she will call and ask if he can come over on nights that are not our normal nights. This is normally fine because we love for him to be around but she will not come pick him up at a normal time at night or will call to see if he can just stay over. The problem is that we have to make arrangements ahead of time to get him to school the next morning. The other afternoon she called to see if he could come over and stay the night and my boyfriend told her not tonight. This is very unusal for him to do. She shows up in our driveway and drops his son off anyways. Even though he told her no and I know he couldn't argue with her in front of his son he still has not said anything to her about it. He will rearrange my schedule and his to convience her. Any advice?

Answer 1

It can be a difficult situation, yes...but remember, he's not trying to make HER life easier, but he's trying to make life easier for his SON!

Obviously, she does quite a lot of "socializing". It's too bad that she does not limit it to the times when her son is with you, but some women are more interesting in partying than parenting.

When you have children, you have to make sacrifices...it can be a pain sometimes, but that's what it's all about. You don't want the little boy to begin to feel that he's not wanted anywhere and just shuffled around, do you?

It's up to you and your boyfriend to give both children a loving and stable home. If more parents took their job seriously, there would be fewer troubled children in society.

Answer 2

I suggest that he talk to a lawyer about getting full custody. If he lets her continue in this pattern, it will never end. It will just get uglier. Don't worry about her saying that he doesn't love his son b/c that is old. He must be firm and let her know that NO means no. Believe me, it will get worse as time goes on. Keep a journal on the female. Note every thing. Get technical with her. Also, have him explain to his son why it is happening so that the child will not have no animosity toward him (mom probably filling his head up with negative things.) Throw the court order at her. Clarify what are the days and nights that he is to be with his father and stand firm. You two also needs a life. I strongly recommend that you go for full custody and it will take all the burden off both of you b/c he will be taking care of by two people that love and care for his welfare.

Answer 3

Any advice about what? The problem with the boy is between your boyfriend and his ex-wife. It actually has nothing to do with you and you need to stay out of it. The problem with him rearranging your schedule to accommodate his ex is between you and him. If you don't like him doing this, stop allowing it. Whatever arrangements must be made to get his kid to school should be his problem, not yours. When your boyfriend stops letting his ex control him, the situation will change; so get over it.

Why hasn't this man married you? You've been with him for more than a year and you have his child. Why do you continue to lay up with him, without the benefit of marriage? This is the problem you need to solve.

Answer 4

Homegurl is living it up, every time shes dropping the kid off she's out doing her.
I wonder what's going through her head.. "She wanted the man, so now she has to deal with everything that comes with him"
I think your husband needs to let her know how you 2 feel about her being so disorganized and selfish. She should be greatful about having somebody that loves her son and try to meet u guys half way.. ex: pick him up in the morning and bring him to school, instead of having u and ur husband go out of the way. Let her know that she needs to come half way.
Just for fun one day i will let her call and ask can the child come over. I'll say no, then disappear. Let her show up and find nobody home. She will get a feeling of what it is for somebody to interrupt your plans.
Issued involving kids are so difficult, u dont want to hurt the child.

Answer 5

Well, you shouldn't be having the seven year old come over to your home since you two are not married and are just shacking up. That is an awful circumstance for a child to be exposed to.
Second of all, you know the situation you are getting into with a man with a previous marriage and family. His first obligation will always be to his first family. If you are not fine with that, you shouldn't have been with him, let alone made a baby with him. Too many mistakes here, girl.... you are focusing on the wrong one!

Answer 6

Go to court, she obviously doesn't want her son around much, and is trying to assert some kind of control over your b/f. But the only thing that can change this is going to court and keeping a record of what she is doing, like just dropping his son off even though he wasn't able to take care of him. That's negligence. Your b/f might end up with more custody but in the end that means his son will grow up in a more stable environment.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel.....Communication is the best way to deal with this situation. My husband and I are dealing with his sons mother in the same out of control situation... I always plan alone time with my husband...setting the mood to talk about what ever is wrong I have to be very care full it is a very touchy subject and I say what ever it is......a great arrangement we came up with was 2weeks out of the month is our alone time only time he will get dropped off other then his normal visits would be an emergency..this helped ......good luck.

Answer 8

Seems that is what the ex is good for. My husband has 2 ex wives, the one likes to try to treat me like **** while the other uses every opportunity to drop the kids off on days she knows we have something to do. Just smile and laugh it off. Talk to him about the interruption to your schedule though, he may not realize that he is putting you on the back burner. If you love him and you are strong enough, she will eventually get bored with her game. My husband calls me the "polite b%tch" Only use that when the kids aren't around though. Not a good habit for the little ones to learn. Best of luck and keep smiling!!

Answer 9

Put a stop to it before it goes any further. You already have a schedule worked out. It doesn't mean that you can't do it once in awhile but she should not be the one to decied when it is. Let your boyfriend know that you have no problem with his son but you would like him to speak to his ex about this. Let him know that you feel like your being used as a bilt in babysitter for HER. She doesn't seem to concerned about her son being bounced around to fit her schedule. Let your boyfriend know that this is not about not having his son around. This is about the new life he has started with YOU.

Answer 10

Yes, nip this in the bud right away or it will continue. Meaning discuss how you feel with your boyfriend. I'm sure they have a divorce decree which the parenting plan sets out certain dates/times for visitation, and I'm sure most of the time it's okay with you two for her to just "drop off" their child. But there are other times that you two have your lives going and are NOT her personal babysitter, and she needs to know that and just live with it. He might not want to confront her as she might make it worse for him (including you, as you two live together) if he doesn't agree to what she wants. But your boyfriend should learn to try and talk to her to discuss the fact you're not always happy about her just wanting to drop off the child with you at "her" convenience. It should be all about what's best for the child, not what's convenient for HER. Good luck!