How do you get over being with an abusive man? Even though he's abusive, I still love him and it's hard. I'm

Question

leaving him and I don't know how to get over the pain. I don't want to feel like there are no other men on earth. He's constantly talked down to me for three years. I have a fair self worth but lately it's been hard. I know there are other guys that are nicer but how do you find one to have a relationship with. What are ways to cope with pain of leaving a relationship? Help!

Answer 1

I call this the boomerang theory. He beats you, treats you like s-hit and the harder he throws you out the harder you come back. I really don't believe you will leave him. You probably come from an abusive family and you think this is understandable behavior. You are use to the abuse, so you punch yourself in the face once a day to make up for not having someone doing it for you. then you should look in the mirror and just talk down to yourself until you feel like killing yourself. you need to do this because your boyfriend will not be around to do this for you. If you catch yourself smiling, laughing, or enjoying life, you should beat yourself and talk to yourself like you are a piece of s-hit. Do you see how stupid you are for dealing with this?

Answer 2

You have been suffering from a form of addiction and now going through withdrawal. Even though your common sense tells you that this is not the sort of man you want in your life there is a void. He has been playing psychological games with you and the highs and lows that come with the package have left you scarred. Some would say suffering from post traumatic stress.....this is true and real for you as you have been stressed. The brain chemicals have become unbalanced and in the process you are probably feeling depressed. It may be that councelling would help....in fact it probably would. As then you can start to moce forward and leave the bad exprience you can look closely and therefore avoid falling for the same senario again.
It will pass.......logically you know this but it is hard at the moment but it will pass. He does not matter anymore....you have to keep telling yourself these things and in time they will become the truth of it. It is not easy......but you are made of stronger stuff than you might believe and can and will move on keep thoughts of him at bay........you perhaps believe you love him....but that is part of the addiction .....if he was cruel and demeaning.....that is not love. You will find love real love.
Good luck...you can and will put this man to rest......the mind games he played...he is still playing them but only if you let him.

Answer 3

You realize that you are much more important in this relationship. You must look after you and protect yourself from damage to your soul and spirit.
A man who is abusive in any way is looking to control and own you.
He uses his tools to make you feel like an outsider, useless, always wrong, and uses guilt to shift the blame to you.
Because you are a decent person and he is not, he is able to manipulate you because you have a conscience and he doesn't.
This is a game to him and he will destroy anything that gets in his way.. so if you look at it like that, I am sure you will understand you are saving your life.
I did it and I loved the person more than anything in this world. I got over it.
It still hurts years later when I think of what it should have been, but I realized it would eventually destroy me and my morals and principles in life as well as my self worth.
Be glad you didn't have a child together... that my dear was tough.
There are good people out there, you must realize you deserve the best, you can't fix every wounded animal or low self esteem guys in your life.
You must survive and you must find someone who feels about life as you do,
Don't be in a hurry and take your time, they are out there.
Do not settle, you don't have to give your life away just to have a partner.
YOu are here on this earth for a purpose and it is not to be a doormat for any guy..
.You will get over it...You will find a healthy relationship....

Answer 4

Usually when anyone abuses or mistreats another person it's because they are weak themselves or have insecurites.

When abuse occurs, it is out of control and anger and nothing more - not because you have done something to wind them up, or because you are useless, or because you don't love them enough.
Abusers are just like spoilt children who don't get their own way. Think about it like this; if they blame you for upsetting them, or doing something not to their liking, imagine the tenfold of that, that you have/had to deal with... No one deserves to be treated in such away that you lose your own identity - doesn't matter whether it's physical or emotional abuse, they can both have an impact to your self-worth.

No one can get over a love easily; let alone the inner termoil, confusion and guilt that comes from an abusive partner. Just keep in mind that although you love him, he doesn't deserve to have love. Love isn't shown through a fist, or calling someone names and telling them they are pathetic - a REAL man; not a boy, will show you love by making you more confident, and making you, you even more.
Think about the people that were important in your life before him, like your family for example, and get support of them... Also get some support from charities/groups for women, and domestic violence. And maybe a therapist one to one working through some cognitive, or self confidence building therapy maybe the trick for you.

Theres never a simple answer for anything that is traumatic
in life - and saying move on, or don't be stupid is going to worsen your guilt so I'll say no more - But in time when you build up your real self, and stop being the extension of this demon; the importance of his identity to you will become less and less and less.
Remember you are not a victim. You got through the worst part, now find a better life for yourself without him.

Answer 5

You need to think about your future and the kind of role model you are portraying to your children/future children. If you already have kids, you are setting them up to be abused by this man and getting themselves into abusive relationships. If you don't have kids, do you really want to have kids with a man who will abuse them?

Sure, it will be hard to leave because you are used to the situation you are in and sometimes making a change is harder even though you know you'll be happier. But in a few years you'll look back and be thankful you had the strength and courage to leave.

If you live with him, pack your bags and leave today. Call him and let him know the relationship is over. If you think he will try to hurt you, change the locks on your doors, change your phone number or move. If he's been physically abusive, get a restraining order.

It's all in your power. Don't let him control you. Take control of your own life.

Answer 6

OMG, get OUT! If you haven't left yet, it sounds like you are co-dependent with this guy.

I've only had two very healthy relationships (one I'm in now). I've had very emotionally and mentally abusive relationships but not physically abusive.

Trust me when I say you WILL GET OVER HIM. I thought just like you did and while the breakup hurt and I cried it was SO the right thing to do.

It sounds like you need some time for YOU. If your health insurance covers counseling, I would recommend that. I've been in and out of therapy due to these horrible relationships and it really helps you.

Also, check out the Self-Help section of your library or local bookstore to find information to help you out.

No one, especially a man should EVER talk you down and make you feel like nothing.

There are only THREE people you need to be concerned with (and this is even when you find a healthy relationship) ME, MYSELF and I!

Answer 7

I was just in an abusive relationship.. And it was so hard hunny, believe me. I know how you feel, and that kind of pain is hard to behold. You need to spend some time with close friends, or maybe family.. Thats all i could do. Or maybe you have a favorite hobby.. Something like singing, or playing an instrument.. or maybe something totally different.. Try messing around with your hobbies, and realize how much better you are without that man.. In the future.. you will thank yourself. And i do not know you at all, but any woman who has the guts to leave the man they love because they abuse them, I adore, admire, and look up to. If you ever need anyone to talk to, just email me.
My email is on my profile.
-danielle&♥;

Answer 8

this is a hard one for everyone, maybe especailly so for someone who has been in an abusive relationship. im afraid as you probably know deep inside, there is no easy route. it takes time, i know its an old cliche but its true, time heals. you just have to be strong and patient.

if you have family and friends confide in them, often talking about it makes it easier, any work mates you can talk to, its also often easier to talk more indepth to someone that you are not particulary close to.

start to like your own company. do things for yourself, make yourself a nice dinner, get some films in and treats like popcron and chocolate. take up a hobby. if your not working, find a job or voluntary work, break up the hours a bit and start to meet different people. it will be hard for a long time but tell yourself you will go forward from this, start the journey and dont go back no matter what. you will have little relapses every now and again but dont feel disheartned thats normal, just get back up and start again.

lastly as for how to find someone, you find them without looking too much and without worrying about it. just by going out, douing your normal daily routine you will find someone eventually thats right for you. you might meet them shopping, in the pub, at a new work place, in the park, anywhere life takes you. don't be too pre-occupied with it and it will find you. concentrate on yourself for a while, build up your confidence and self-worth, learn to love your independance, regain your strength.

hope this helps good luck

Answer 9

You reallize that even though you love the assshole, your better off without him. You realize that you are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect and love. You realize that as hard as it may be..there ARE good men out there. You dont just jump into another relationship. You take time to heal and get to know you and what you want and expect of yourself so you dont find yourself in this predictiment again. Most importantly..you cut off ALL communication with the loser because it will make it easier to get over him and concentrate more on YOU.

Answer 10

Remember the sh*t times not the good times. Realise for every cr*p thing he says about you there are twenty good things about you. Realise he said them to keep you down and keep you there because he is not man enough to have a relationship without bullying someone into it.

It takes along time to get over this and sometimes it stays with you but that makes you stronger and it shows you warning signs the next time someone like this is sniffing round. Dont rush into another relationship and make the next man work really hard to be with you - if he's worth it he will do it.

Good luck hun Ive been there