Please answer this if you are gay....(not an offensive question)?

Question

I was just wondering if you feel you were born gay, or did something trigger you to become gay?

I always thought that gay people were born gay because who would "choose" to live that lifestyle, knowing how they would be treated in society?

But now, I have an aunt who has only been gay for 8 years. I know she wasn't always gay and "in the closet" because she always had a man. Also, when we talk about it now, she has never said that. She said she got turned out when she did time in jail.

She always says that she loves her girlfriend, but if something was to happen to their relationship, she wouldn't want another woman. She would go back to a heterosexual relationship.

I guess my question is, is she gay, is she bi, or is she just going through a phase? She's not even attracted to other women, only her girlfriend, but she still looks at men.

Do gay people actually "choose" this? I just want to hear it from the "horses mouth". Either way, I still love her.

Answer 1

Maybe for some people something happens that makes them want to be with the same sex, I suppose it's possible. I feel as if I was born this way, so I can't say how it is for everyone, I'm not a scientist. I know that I was born a lesbian, but I guess it could be different for other people.

Answer 2

I think that it can work both ways. I myself have always known I was gay. I had crushes on girls when I was younger, never boys and it always stayed that way. I think the majority of people who are gay were in fact born that way. I also think that due to various situations people may chose to live a gay lifestyle. For example if a person is in a very unhealthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex they may lose their trust in that sex and become more open to a same sex relationship. I also truly believe that some people just click on such a high level that they will be together even if that is not what they are used to, a soul mate I guess you could say. If you find a person that literally makes you feel whole, I don't think your concern will be what sex organs they have. The human heart will do some crazy things.

Answer 3

I dont think anyone "chooses" to be gay/bi/straight. Its just something thats there. I personally believe people are just born the way they are. Now having that said, now about your aunt. She probably didnt "turn" that way in jail, maybe she just started to realize what she was into and interested in and didnt mind doing other things ;) . Also, maybe she just says that she isn't attracted to other women because she's happy with her gf and doesn't want anything to do with anyone else. She seems like she's bi to me. Maybe a little more on the straight side though since she seems to look at men more. Oh and even though she "always" had a man, that doesn't mean someone can't be gay/bi. There have been many cases were men/women try to hide and deny that they are gay/bi so they get married and form families. Being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex doesn't make you completely straight. You can be bi or you can also just be in denial.

Answer 4

I can only answer for males -- the answer is no -- it isn't a choice.

However, there are two things -- one is that your aunt could be a primarily straight leaning bisexual. My lover is a primarily straight leavning bisexual. If I died tomorrow, after he mourned, he would return to women, we both understand that. He is very much in love with me however, and quite happy with our now 15 year long relationship.

In short, sexuality is really on a spread, I'm totally gay, but not everyone is who has some (or lots) of interest in the same sex.

Additionally, many researchers feel that women have much more fluidity in their sexual preference than men do. I don't KNOW that to be true, but I've read some of the research casually, and it seems likely.

Jonathan by the way is only really attracted to me as a male. Oh, he'll notice a feature on someone sometimes (the American Idol contestant I'm supporting has "amazing eyes" for example) but generally he doesn't notice men other than me. Women he has more taste for. -- But he is an acknowledged primarily straight bisexual.

Kind thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 5

None of it is a matter of choice. I think that your Aunt is not gay but is instead bisexual. Even then she seems to have a much stronger attraction to men then women but that isn't unusual. Very few bisexuals are equally attracted to both sexes, myself included. I wonder what your Aunt will say if the relationship lasts for twenty or more years. Will she still be thinking that it is still all about the time that she spent in prison?

Answer 6

I think people who are completely homosexual with no or little opposite sex attraction are likely to say it is not a choice.
There are many bisexuals who have a level of attraction to both sexes that see it is a choice, but you have to remember that is for them. If you are atracted to men and women you really can choose which you want to have a romantic relationship with. The mistake often comes when someone who is bisexual assumes everyone else is which is an egocentric perspective. Even if it might be a choice for some it is certainly not for all.

Answer 7

I feel as if I was born gay, I have had "triggers" that confirmed what I felt and knew inside.

I have always agreed with why would someone want to choose to be hated by society?

As for your Aunt, I would say shes bi, which there is nothing wrong with. Shes just comfortable with her sexuailty and thats all that matters. As long as shes in a loving and caring realtionship.



Peace
JW Parker
[e-mail]

Answer 8

I know that I was born Gay. There is no doubt in my mind. I also happen to be 100 % Gay, and never have had sex with a woman. As you said..."because who would "choose" to live that lifestyle, knowing how they would be treated in society?"
I used to fear being Gay...now it's who I am, and a very important part of who I am. It's my life!!!!!

Answer 9

That is a tough one. because some poeople have sex with the same sex becuase of opportunism, is your aunt's girlfriend the one she had sex with in jail? It could be that she is only attracted to this one girl. It happens all the time to striaght people. There is always the one person a straight guy or girl will love, even though they are straight. This just points out how complex human sexuality is

Answer 10

First, I believe that she was born gay. There are so many people "in the closet" who are married and have children. Perhaps she felt insecure about her sexuality. Also, she may be bi-sexual like you indicated.

She has finally come out and that could be so difficult for some. There is no one who would choose to "come out" because there is so much meanness in this world. I commend her for her courage to make this huge step. Be her supporter and let her know. Thank you for sharing your concerns; it seems like she has a great niece!