I am a 41 yr old women who owns her own home. I work professionally and have an older teenager living at home with me. Three years ago I met this gentleman who is apx 10 years older than me. He has an older child as well. They moved in with me. He has no property as he leases everything. He hsa a home/office that he leases and has to maintain. He has little money to contribute to our life at home. He periodically pays for wine and gives my daughter a few dollars every now and then. I find it very upsetting. If him and his offspring were not there, I would have the money to give to my child and buy my own wine. In all other ways, this man is wonderful. He is sweet, kind and caring but in ways I resent him because I am paying for all the food he eats, the heat he uses and so on. I feel angry and frustrated. He is also in debt. He has a credit card that he owes over 15, 000 on at a rate of 18% interest. And he owes Revenue Canada for 2 years of taxes. Should I dump him?
2007-03-20 07:46:00 · 28 answers · asked by angryjan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would...but thats just me. Remember your kid comes first. If you do love him just ask him move out and support himself. Tell him you want to do things 50/50.
2007-03-20 07:50:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi
You can do bad all by yourself and Mr.wonderful is costing you more than what is necessary to spend . It sounds like you have your stuff in order and he is a mess .
But on the other hand I know exactly how you feel because I was involved with a man who did not have money , a job , etc. and sometimes I would wonder hey I deserve a man that will pay for me at least some of the time but then it became more frequent , I stopped paying .
If you are seriously considering him to leave , then you have answered your own Question which means you are getting tired and fed up with the way things are going .
Imagine your life before you met him and compare it to what it is today with him and see what you can come up with .
There is your answer .
Good luck and take care
C
2007-03-20 15:07:23 · answer #2 · answered by Constance M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes please get rid of him before he puts you into debt too.The guy obviously has no real future in helping you out at all so he should go away. He is going to be nice and sweet and everything so that he can stay there not have to pay anything. That is what you call a moocher. He is using you. He probably got dumped by whatever women he was with before for pullig the same kinda crap. Tell him what you think about kicking him out of your lpace and see how he reacts. Then ask an update question about his reaction to the situation.
2007-03-20 15:13:20 · answer #3 · answered by Levi's 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has a home/office that he leases, why is he living with you? Why doesn't he stay in his own home or break the lease and contribute to what you have to pay in mortgage. If that's not an option he should do something to earn extra money so that he can contribute financially. I don't think you should dump him right away if he's as wonderful as you say. Have a talk with him about your concerns and if he doesn't do something to improve then kick him to the curb.
2007-03-20 15:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by Vivita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This situation is the way it is b/c you have allowed it to be. It's your option if you don't want to accept things as they are. You are doing without to accommodate someone else. If you want to go it alone, that's your option. Dump him if you want to. The situation is not likely to change. It's not like you are going to wake up tommorrow morning and find a self-sufficient guy beside you that manages his money well. You didn't use much foresight before you allowed him to move in, now you have to pay the price of going through the emotional trauma of kicking him out. I'd be willing to bet it won't be as easy as you think to get rid of him. He's probably pretty clever at manipulating others. He's been able to ride on your coat tail for three years now. Think about it!
2007-03-20 14:56:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better and should have never had him move in with you in the first place. If this man was committed to you and loved you he would have asked you to marry him. But why should he. He gets everthing for free, including sex. You can resent him for not paying but I suspect that you resent the decission you made three years ago when you aked him in.
Find a man that commits to you 120%, both emotionally and fincacially. Currently you are in a comfortable, but no win situation.
2007-03-21 08:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by tom t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I look at this question is, YOU know the answer already just you need some people to bounce the idea off of. I am also in the same boat as you, but our circumstances are way different. So, YES, dump him and get on with life. If he can't pull his weight in regards to finances, then he should leave and leave immediately.
2007-03-20 15:00:20 · answer #7 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUMP HIM! Your problem is not that you pay for everything, but that you feel like you are being used. And you are. He may think that he is doing enough, but he isn't. He is using you to stay afloat while he pays off his debts. You need to let go of him. He may be a nice guy, but he is not acting like one. You don't have to be mean about this, you just need to let him know that it is not going to work out. Give him some time to find a place, but tell him that he needs to go.
2007-03-20 14:57:02 · answer #8 · answered by writeroftheyear1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to really ask yourself why you aremaking a man king in your home and he is just leeching off you? Are you a ****** for punishment? Did the government ask you to be the local welfare officer?
I suggest you ask him to move out and rid yourself of this leech. This is not fair to your own family and I am sure your child resents this intrusion. Give your child the security she needs and not other peoples problems. He is not your husband so why stay with him! This man is using you girl- open your eyes!
2007-03-20 15:04:33 · answer #9 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ask the questions so you want him out. Get him out. He is using you. He maybe kind . But you are his sugar lady. Come on your child should come first. He is using you and your child . Get him out now, before he milks you dry. You are setting a bad example for your child on letting a man use you. He maybe kind. But there is more to live than being kind. You have to contribute to the household and he is not and does appear to be making a effort to do so. Let him grow up with out your help.
2007-03-20 14:57:21 · answer #10 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this will go on and on because he feels too comfty with you as you make his life easier. by that age he should be able to provide everything and not expecting that you pay for this and that. if he was a decent man, he would pay for his stuff at least. I dont want a man who pays for my everything, at least I want a guy who can take care of his stuff and not ask me to help him.
it seems you keep him for the company, not for love. you are getting frustrated and soon you will have big fights so why wait? dump him now.
2007-03-20 16:19:14 · answer #11 · answered by chikis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋