How do build my trust in him (my long-term boyfriend) again? I've caught him looking for other chicks online and he uses the excuse that me yelling and him over stuff is the reason why. But what I don't understand, the last 4 times I've caught him, he tells me the same day that he loves me knowing he did it. We've been fighting about this for quite a while and just had a big argument that lasted a week and just ended. We said our sorries and I know that when he told me he was sorry and wouldn't do it again, he meant it, but it's hard for me to believe. How do I rebuild my trust in him again? I have no idea where to begin or anything. I think about it constantly and can't get it off my mind. I know I need to change my attitude, but there's a long story behind why I act the way I do. I feel like I always have to have a defense up. How do I mend this relationship or how can we both mend this relationship? It's tearing me up emotionally, physically, and mentally.
2007-03-20 07:40:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't want to break up with him. So, please don't give me that answer. I'm trying to save this relationship. He means the world to me.
2007-03-20 07:41:34 · update #1
You are answering your own question. If you don't want to break up after catching him 4 times online looking for a girlfriend then why are you asking for advice? If you aren't going to let go and trust him then your relationship will never work out. What is a relationship without trust?
2007-03-20 07:47:10 · answer #1 · answered by Inez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your defenses are up for a reason. This is why it'll be so hard to get them down. It would be much more practical for you to accept that he will keep doing the same thing over and over. You will catch him again, and again he will promise not to do it anymore. If you accept this as a part of his personality and his attitude towards this relationship, you can enjoy the good things you have going; no one's perfect, and if you want to stay with someone who repeatedly engages in the same behavior it is wise to make peace with it. You're not going to change him.
2007-03-20 14:47:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm. Let's see here...Rebuilding trust in a guy while he continues to lie and look for other women online? Gee...its all because you "yell" ??? Give me a break...Of course you think about it constantly, you know its wrong, you KNOW what you should do, and you want THE REST OF US TO TELL you not to, that he's worth saving and rebuilding trust with?
My dear, consider yourself courageless at this juncture of the relationship, with a lowly opinion of yourself that you cannot do better in life. Pathetic.
You should consider "mending" your self -esteem second AFTER FIRST saying "adios" to this love interest...Unless you enjoy masochism...
Grace
2007-03-20 14:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st) Why are you apologizing to him? Thats your first mistake. Men are really good on making their significant other feel guilty for what they've done. And I think definitely there is a way for you to trust him again. It could happen. Men do change. Give him a list of things that you would want him to do in order for you to trust him again. Don't apologize and you guys were probably arguing because of the mis-trust you had in him. Good Luck! Hope it works out.
2007-03-20 15:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. However you were catching him doing these things, continue to do so (if you saw a girls nimber in his phone, look at his phone on a regular basis to make sure you dont see anything). Just let him know that he has got to re-build your trust. It will work, I promise. If he doesnt get any better within a few months I would start thinking about what life would be like without him.
2007-03-20 14:48:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about him. Based on what you wrote, it seems like you have low self esteem. You let people like your B/F treat you like crap so of course they aren't going to respect you. I would make a clean break and start over with someone else. Once someone loses respect for you, the relationship is really over!
2007-03-20 14:46:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't live in fear. You have the choice. I don't know your religion but the devil is always laughing when we have fear, doubt, anxiety, etc. I would suggest prayer...with him. After that, if it doesn't click. Say, "NEXT!" ....sorry.
2007-03-20 14:48:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over it...are you listning to what you're saying?!
quit being so insecure with yourself, and move along...find some trucker who will have his way with you and grow up.
2007-03-20 14:45:51 · answer #8 · answered by Chris P 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you dont, men suck
2007-03-20 14:44:33 · answer #9 · answered by nyckib 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋