Do you like my poem???

Question

Please be honest!!!

I can feel death...
Can describe medusa's poison,
And I can tell you the cause for knowing conviction.
I can tell you death.

Thoughts of ebony fill your head
And the cause of tears plague your mind.
You wait for discrete reason,
Through sharp pains of sharp demise;
Feelings of a crimson rush
Bring me to an answer

You left by choice
When seas of blood rush from me
Death will have set me free from this world
When you decide to return,
I may be in paradise,
paradise, that only eradication can bring about

Paradise, created by my soul
which wanders ceaselessy through life
while i rest endlessly in death
Please return to me, dont leave me forver
For abandonment is always the problem
It is always at my hand, on my mind, ending it all

If you leave me, no matter how
I will leave
I will leave this galaxy and go far far away
To a place where I can be jubliant
without a forced smile
Paradise

Answer 1

This poem is kind of suicidal !! It has much potential, and is off to a good start I cut out a few lines and I think it might help. Please do not let yourself feel so sad over another person though. Life is good, even without them. I hope writing this helped you feel better. Here are my edits/critique.



I can feel death...
And I can tell you the cause of my conviction.
I can tell you death.

Thoughts of ebony fill your head
And tears plague your mind.
You wait for discrete reason
Through pains of sharp demise.
Feelings of a crimson rush,
Bring me to my answer.

You left by choice.
And when seas of blood rush from me
Death will set me free.
I may be in paradise.
Paradise, that only eradication can bring,

Paradise, created by my soul
that wanders ceaselessy through life
while i want to rest in endless death.

Please return to me, dont leave me forever.
Abandonment is always the problem.
It is always at my hand, on my mind, ending it all.

If you leave me, no matter how,
I will leave.
I will leave this galaxy and go far far away.
To a place where I can be jubliant
without a forced smile.
Paradise.

Answer 2

It's not bad, has kind of a Robert Frost thing happening. I like writing poetry myself, I would just try not to get lost in the translation of it to the point that the majority of people don't follow what it means, but I liked it.

Answer 3

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It would not inevitably ought to rhyme besides the shown fact that it needs to hit my thoughts. i think of readability of expression is substantial besides. i do no longer prefer to 2d wager what i'm analyzing approximately. I consistently look for what I term "poetic gem stones"in the textual content textile.

Answer 4

I think its very intersting, i love the line "Thoughts of ebony fill your head," but very dark. If eyes are the windows to the soul, then words must be its paintjob. keep writing.

Answer 5

Its a little on the dark side but its still a good poem.

Answer 6

I really like your POEM a lot I can actually relate to it.

Answer 7

too depressing for me...but great writing.

Answer 8

very depressing....very