and still not be able to LIVE with them? My husband and I are separated right now and we spend most of our time crying on the phone to each other about how tragic this whole thing is, because honestly...as much as we love each other, we simply cannot live in the same house together. This is the third time we've separated and we're finally going ahead with the divorce. We've promised each other we're still going to be there for each other always...just not as huband and wife. Is that possible? Or will it eventually just dwindle to nothing if one of us finds someone else? If that's the case, then I'd rather just "cut it" completely....but I can't imagine my life without him in it....I'm driving myself nuts with this...please help!!
Please, only thoughtful, knowledgable responses...I'm really at the edge right now...seriously. Don't spare me the bitter truth either...I need to know what to do.
2007-03-20 07:04:09 · 18 answers · asked by LolaCorolla 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesn't sound like 2-sided love, it seems one of you has an attachment disorder. Have you tried marriage counseling to figure out what the heck is going on? Just so you know because If you two were really in love this wouldn't be happening. Sometimes, and I'm not saying this is what is happening with you but this happened to my husband with his ex, there's a lot of guilt and being afraid of hurting the other persons feelings so they play it off as if it is love. He did that for years and although it wasn't right, he was afraid to tell her the truth because she would become....well, let's say very upset. If you divorce, eventually one of you will become involved with someone else, it's human nature. Are you going to be able to accept him loving another woman? Do you think you'll ever get over him and be able to move on with your life? These are things to think about. If the divorce is really going to happen, you might want to start therapy now.....just friendly advice from someone who knows a bit about this kind of stuff.
I'm sorry if I've come off offensive toward you, I didn't mean it to sound that way.
I wish you the best!!
2007-03-20 07:17:04 · answer #1 · answered by Incognito 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is possible if you both want to make it happen.When it comes time for either one of you to start dating other people you need to be very honest with the new person involved as well.If you divorce as friends that is great.Just keep in mind that in order to move on into a new relationship you will have to completely put the old one to rest.When you are ready to begin a new relationship your new partner has to completely understand what the situstion was in your past.Honesty is the best policy.I don't know if this will help you or not but my sister & her husband divorced and they are best friends they get along better now then they ever did when they were married and they are both remarried now as well also her ex husband gave her away at the wedding.Good Luck and best wishes to both of you.Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.
2007-03-20 07:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's possible to be that way. It's kind of like the old Tina Turner song, "What's Love Got To Do With It?". You really can love someone deeply and madly and yet can't live together. My in-laws were that way (they're now both deceased). They loved each other with a crazy, incredible passion, would have killed and died for each other.
The problem was, he was an alcoholic and not just the social kind. This guy liked to get totally hammered every day and eventually got to the point that he was fired from his job, and acted like he didn't care about his wife and kids. The family couldn't survive just on my mother-in-law's salary and eventually, one day, she said she was trying to find something to feed her small children for breakfast and had only two saltine crackers and water. She, at that point, realized she couldn't stay with her husband anymore even though she still desperately loved him. She later said it was one of the most painful moments in her life.
She did leave that day and never came back, eventually divorced the man. He started drinking even more and years later died of pneumonia. It broke her heart to leave him and when he died, it almost killed her even though they'd been apart for a number of years. Until the day she died, she readily admitted that even though they couldn't live together, he was the only man she would ever love.
A tragic story but the answer to your question is, "yes", it's very possible to deeply and truly and passionately love someone and it still not be enough.
I'm sorry and wish I had a better experience to tell you. God bless.
2007-03-20 07:28:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, have you two ever considered seeing a marriage counselor? It sounds like the love you have for each other is still there, and that's worth trying to save if at all possible. A marriage counselor might help you both learn ways to live together peacefully... even the closest people have times that they feel they cannot "put up with" certain things about the other...it's normal and natural to feel that way. A counselor could really help you figure out ways to communicate your needs to one another.... it couldn't hurt to try this, even if you're skeptical.
2007-03-20 07:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is completely possible. the only thing you have to contend with after that, is when you or he find someone else after divorce. Are either of you going to be able to handle it? It's always possible to remain close, but you may have to cut a little more than you think. Cause that is when jealousy rears its ugly head, even if you know you can't be together.Only you and he know exactly how that is going to work.
2007-03-20 07:09:03 · answer #5 · answered by Kaja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seperation is rarely(never) the doorway to greater intimacy. You two sound like you have way too much emotional baggage and are too defensive and acting out childish patterns after misplacing your integrity.
If you say you love somebody but can't live with them, then your thoughts, actions and feelings are not congruent. What is really going on is that you aren't interested in each other enough to continue living together, are headed toward divorce, but are feeling lonely and unhappy that the romantic fantasy isn't panning out.
2007-03-20 07:26:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far i know and to my experience i can say that when u love some one vey much there is no human power which can seperate u from eachoher. this has happened with me. I and my fiancee fight on something and dont talk to eachother for days. But when we face eachother, we can not stop ourselves. I think u people should sit and resoulve your differences because good friend and good husbands are very hard to find. wish u good luck.
2007-03-20 07:17:21 · answer #7 · answered by Wajid Khattak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can. I think you are friends with your husband but for whatever reason the two of you have different ideals and that makes it hard. When one of you do finally find some one else, it will dwindle some, but there is nothing wrong with still being friends (especially if you have kids together). Keep yourself busy and time will heal your hurts.
2007-03-20 07:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by Jewel 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wait....
I do think its possible.
But will you last after each or just one of you finds another mate??? I don't think so, and I really don't know if it would be a good idea if you did. It would cause a lot of problems for the 'new" mate and in turn cause problems for each of you.
I feel its better to cut it clean off....but you can wait till one of you finds another person....just make sure you are both aware so no one is needlessly hurt.
This situation sucks....obviously you have both tried so hard and its just not gona work. Stop beating yourselves up...its not like you just walked away from it. I wish you both all the best.
2007-03-20 07:08:05 · answer #9 · answered by ste.phunny 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It ought to have been rather great. in my opinion I dont think of it rather is undesirable to speak to people on-line, presented which you handle it.. i admire my guy, yet I even have chatted with people.. yet you ought to no longer enable your self recover from excited... it might desire to be merely enthousiasm approximately this new unknown candy guy.. do no longer ruin up for a guy you do no longer additionally be attentive to, yet you have gotten fallen in love with "the belief" of this guy. It has happened to me approximately 6 years in the past, and after a whilst I merely found out that we've been definately no longer made for another. yet throughout the time of the 1st 2 months that we've been merely speaking on the telephone, I felt like being completely in love with him... because it proved i replace into no longer..
2016-10-19 04:27:19 · answer #10 · answered by tonini 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋