how to deal with self harmers?

Question

why do people self harm and how can it be controled. do they do it forever once started

Answer 1

no it doesnt last forever, not usually. People do it to release anger or unhappiness, and quite often to get attention if they don't think people notice them and their problems.

Its most common in adolescents and is made worse by alcohol and mental health problems. the only thing to do is get to the root cause of why they're doing it - it's obviously not the actions of a happy person so you need to find out what it is that's making them so unhappy and address that.

as a short term solution, suggest they squeeze an ice cube, scream or punch a pillow to try and release their frustration

Answer 2

They sound like total idiots. Playing at self harm for the shock value. They are the kind of people who make it that much more difficult for those of us with an actual problem. If I were you I would tell them how ridiculous they are being and to stop- real self harmers don't do it as a fashion statement, in public, in groups of other pathetic freaks, all showing off to one another about who can be the most 'dark'. It is a disgraceful thing to do and if I were you I would tell them so. And even if you can't actually tell the police you can at least tell them you're going to, that should clear them out. Morons. I wouldn't worry about your kids btw, they should have more sense ¬_¬

Answer 3

A person self-harm because they feel a lot of pain, and harming themselves is one way to obtain control.

Once a person starts to self-harm, it does not mean that they will do it forever. However, like an alcoholic, they are a recovering self-harmer. They may learn better ways to deal with the pain, but they can relapse. If they have not harmed themselves for many years, it will take a serious crisis to push them back to the destructive behavior.

In dealing with someone who is a self-harmer, it is important to remember these things:

1. The person is experiencing pain, causing more will only lead to more destructive behavior.
2. NEVER tell the person that this behavior is stupid, creepy, disgusting, etc. This will only encourage it more.
3. There are two kinds of self-harmers. One who hides it, and one who displays it. Hiders do not like to be discovered. If they are discovered, it can lead to more self-harm. Showers love the attention that they get from the injuries. Showing interest to them only gives them the attention they were seeking. It encourages the behavior. Concentrate on positive behavior instead.
4. Do not force the person to talk about it. Let them know that you are available if they want to talk.
5. You should tell someone else about it. This way the two of you can assist them to get help.
6. Most mental hospitals do not assist in this kind of behavior. They are better at helping with suicide issues. Self-harm is different than suicide. Harmers do not want to kill themselves, only to release the pain. There is a hospital that caters to self-harmers in Illinois. (The name escapes me at the moment.)
7. Self-harm does not mean that they are crazy, revolting, or monsters. It means emotional pain.
8. Self-harmers see this behavior as punishment for their actions.
9. Self harmers are people who: dislike themselves, become very upset by rejection, are always angry often at themselves but try to hide it, do not plan for the future well, are often depressed, are often anxious, are often irritable, do not have good stress coping skills, do not think that they can control themselves, and think that they are powerless.
10. Self harmers are driven to do this – even if they do not want to
11. They may have had an unhappy childhood, abuse, empty feeling inside, cannot find the words to express themselves, feel that they are a burden, misunderstood, scared to get close to others, lack of human contact/friendships, and a need for positive attention.
12. They may have multiple methods – cutting, self hitting, pulling hair, biting, scratching, etc.
13. They are emotionally overwhelmed, and paranoid. They are scared of the behavior – like it is always there waiting.
14. They are afraid of blowing up if they stop.
15. The treatment is long term. You cannot throw a bad habit out the window; you have to slowly, carefully walk it down the stairs and outside.
16. They need to learn alternate coping methods and learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings.
17. They need to develop a support system. People they can depend on to call when the impulse to harm comes.
18. You can help them make a list of 10 things to do instead.
19. They need to find a get away place. When they are ready, they need to get rid of their tools.
20. They need to tell others that they are trying to stop.
21. Peeling away the complex web of coping mechanisms used to survive and heal the deep internal wounds is a long painstaking process that requires extraordinary commitment.
22. They need to figure out what sets them off, situations that cause pain, and why it feels like if cannot be handled any other way.

Answer 4

People self harm for a myraid of different reasons

Self hatred
To escape
To feel something, to feel alive
To stop feeling overwhelming emotions
To punish themselves
To stop themselves from taking things any further i.e suicide
To make their pain visible
Because it can be easier to deal with physical pain rather than emotional pain
As a release

In essence it is a way of coping. It may not be the best coping strategy in the world but in a way it can work, it did for me and still does sometimes. When you think about it, is it any worse than smoking which can cause irreparable health problems, drug taking or drinking? At least skin heals.

There are ways of managing self harm but in my opinion these need to be done in conjunction with counselling/therapy etc to try and find out why the person is self harming in the first place. It's not easy to understand, for the sufferer or the people trying to help them. People may see it as being manipulative or attention seeking. In my experience it's very rarely manipulative and as for attention seeking...well yes it is in a way because when it finally comes to light, when it's finally talked about it, it's a way for that person to say "look at me, i'm hurting but I don't know how else to show you". In therapy that's what it was like for me. When I first told my GP about it, I couldn't find the words and the only way I could make her understand was to literally roll up my sleeves and show her what I'd done. Professionals often don't know how to deal with it. Many will impose contracts on their patients stating that care will be withdrawn if they attempt to self harm. These are totally useless for the most part because the trust is then gone, the sufferer feels more alone and ashamed and will generally just go on doing it but in secret often leading to being unable to ask for help when they desperately need it.

Self harm is notoriously difficult to stop once it's become a habit; and that's what it is; a habit, or in some cases an addiction. But with time, empathy, understanding and patience, it can be controlled. You can reach a point where you are controlling it rather that it controlling you. Some people will stop completely, others may return to it from time to time. Everyone is different.

The worst thing anyone can do to a self harmer is to judge them. It may not be socially acceptable but who has the right to say whether it is right or wrong? Never ask a self harmer to promise not to do it; that's more about you and your fears than them and just puts them under more pressure and makes them feel more guilty. Don't push them to talk, they will when they feel safe and ready. Learn what you can about the subject but don't assume anything. Be there, let them know you care and you're not disgusted by what they are doing. Just care and make sure they know that.

It may never be beaten but it is possible to control and manage it.

Answer 5

People self harm for many different reasons. In some cases, it is because there is so much emotion inside that they need a way of letting this out. It is also a physical sign for the hurt they may be feeling inside.
Some people only self harm once in their lives before realising how pointless and dangerous it is. Others carry on for quite some time. And yes, potentially forever. It all depends on the individual and how long they feel they need to harm themselves.
If you're trying to stop someone else from self harming, be sensitive, they're obviusly feeling very vunerable. Advise them to try squeezing ice cubes in their hand rather than cutting themselves. This produces the same pain but without the permanent scars.
Hope this answers your questions! :)

Answer 6

starwberry has given you lots of really good information there...

i have a friend who self-harms. one of the most important things he ever said to me about it was this:
self-harming is just a coping strategy, a safety release valve for overwhelming emotional stress. there's a sliding scale of behaviour, and we *all* do it to some extent or another.
have you ever got so angry that you punch the wall? do you bite your nails when you're stressed? do you, or have you ever done something you know it's bad for you - or risks hurting yourself - cos it *helps* you cope, or because you *don't think you're worth it*? like smoking, or 'comfort eating', or taking drugs, or having unprotected sex?
then you can understand what *self-harmers* are doing....

people who we class as *self-harmers* aren't weird, or crazy, or out of control. they are exhibiting the same dynamic of stress control, just further along the scale - more stress, more *extreme* behaviour.

trying to *control* self-harming behaviour can lead to more problems in the long run as the very mechanism that is enabling the person to function *normally* is removed...
if they want to stop, then the way forward is to look at what is causing the underlying stress, and find ways to alleviate it, or find alternative ways of releasing it.

Answer 7

I agree that self harm can happen for a variety of reasons. The first thing to do is figure out what is causing the self-harm. Then you will know what you're dealing with. In autism it's the only way for the person to express their feelings. It could also be attention seeking, or it could be a cry for help. Speaking from personal experience I swung between crying for help, and a deep hatred of myself. Once that was recognised I started to deal with those things, and to control the bad days. Yes, it can end - I can testify to that. If these are the kind of reason for the self-harm you refer to then I can tell you there is hope. The most important moment for me was realising that I wasn't wicked, that I needed help, and that there were friends and family who cared anough to not judge me, and to stand by me as I battled with my demons. If this is you, then get help. If it's someone you know and / or love, then be their help. It's a thankless task to start with - but someone's life is worth the effort. Keep in touch...

Answer 8

There are a lot of support groups helping self-harmers. It doesn't have to be forever, there is help. Below are some links to supporting info.


http://www.focusas.com/SelfInjury.html

http://www.mirror-mirror.org/selfinj.htm

http://www.selfharm.net/

Answer 9

When someone is abused, they sometimes abuse themselves as a way to control the abuse. They have to make a concious decision to stop. Identify abusers, identify why they are doing it, and choose to express it differently. Some continue, some don't. This is usually a problem of teens and 20's.

Answer 10

People self harm for all sorts of reasons. It is not always attention seeking, as is the popular view. However, they have often led difficult lives, and for them it can be a method of escapism.