My ex husbands girlfriend is a handful to put it nicely. They've been living together for about 9 months and she's 4 months pregnant. Here's the situation. I have 2 children (13 & 9). She has 2 children of her own (of which she doesn't have custody), but they're visitation is same as my children's. The girlfriend is so childish it's pathatic. Ex: My family recently went out to eat at a local restaraunt where we ran in to the ex and his girlfriend. My father spoke to my ex to be social and the ex returned a polite reply and we all went on our way. The next weekend the kids were scheduled to be with their dad they were punished by her by not getting to go bowling because they didn't give her a hug when they saw her and their dad called my father papa. Incidents like this happen all the time. She's making my kids miserable and pushing them away from their dad, but apparently he can't see it. He's always been a good dad and I want him to spend time with his kids. What do I do?
2007-03-20 06:58:45 · 15 answers · asked by Lovin'life 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Clarifications:
#1 He does have long term commitment with her. She's pregnant with his child. Our kids half brother or sister.
#2. I don't care who he's involved with, all I'm concerned with is his relationship with our children.
2007-03-20 07:33:30 · update #1
You're right...she IS pushing them away from their dad, but this is something that HE is going to have to address when they start to resent him enough (for letting her have her way without stepping in to defend his own kids), to not want to see HIM anymore because of HER. There is going to come a day when your ex is going to have to choose between them because he has let it go too far. That's going to be HIS regret. You can't force the issue...let it play out.
2007-03-20 07:12:44 · answer #1 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You continue doing as you have been. Your ex knows what is going on. If he was a good father before and is now slacking because of the new girlfriend, he knows what he is doing. You need to allow your children to see their father for who he truely is. I know it's hard and it just breaks your heart, but it will help them in the long run. Do not make excuses for the ex and make sure he tells the children when he is unable to do the things he used to do with them. As for his choice in women, well unfortunately men don't always choose wisely. Thank you and good luck.
2007-03-20 14:15:47 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the kids are the ones who have to do it they have to tell the dad about what is going on . then again do you know that is the real reason for the punishment or is that what you kids told you ? i would confirm this through the ex husband i ask this cause i have kids and by BF has kids and they use to go and lie to the ex all the time saying i was mean but i was not i was the one who disciplined them not the dad . ( because he felt guilty and they played that card ) you need to sit down with the ex and let him know when they are with him he is the one to do all the disciplining not the girlfriend. you need to let him know that when you are allowing him to take the children from your custody you are trusting that he is the one who is caring for them not his gf , mother sister etc. ( she may also thank you for this . i would of.)
2007-03-20 14:14:54 · answer #3 · answered by <3 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you need to talk to your ex. Explain what's happening. If he's reasonable, he'll understand your point of view. If he doesn't get it, then maybe you should file for full custody and that's that.
I'm not giving you legal advice. Just some thought on what I would do. If the kids are not being treated fairly (and they're the only ones I'm thinking about here) then you need to do what's right for the kids and so does he.
2007-03-20 14:05:34 · answer #4 · answered by RUNINTLKT 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would get them both together and have a chat. let her know that just because they are married now doesn't mean she can just shut your children out from their dad, make it clear that it isn't fair for the kids to be punished for her insecurities as well. I would advise you take your children to counceling so that it is on record by their words of how she treats them just incase it ever turns into something more abusive.
2007-03-20 14:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to the children to see how they felt about their relationship with their father? I would see how they feel and maybe bring it up to him in a nice way. If he is a good father, trust him to handle it. There has to be a reason she does not have custody of her own children. Try not to worry until you give him a chance.
2007-03-20 19:23:01 · answer #6 · answered by Jackie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he's always been a good dad and you trust him to remain so then one bowling trip isn't going to scar the kids for life. Note that she's just living with him and they haven't made any sort of long-term committment to each other, so there's still hope that she's just a passing fancy for your ex.
2007-03-20 14:03:57 · answer #7 · answered by SodaLicious 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to phone this other woman directly and tell her what you are telling us on answers. i mean your kids have a right to their feelings and i do not think it was right for that woman to punish your kids by "forcing " them to show affection to her...after all she is not even their step mother yet...let alone not even their mother!!! she needs to have respect for that and she shows no regard or respect. just call her up one day and u be the mature one even if she gets testy and childish acting hold ur ground and tell her exactly how u feel without showing anger. u seem like a logical mother /woman and i am sure that might help a little and also tell her that she is not to punish your kids. that is u and your ex's job to handle them NOT HERS! hope this helps u a lil bit~
2007-03-20 14:07:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Woah... She is WRONG for being like that. She has NO RIGHT to punish them for their actions. They were out with you... I mean... CMON... that is like how when you are in first grade and you get mad at your friends for not coming over one weekend and never speak to them again. She might just be hormonal. Has this happened alot before??
2007-03-20 17:49:44 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let her be the bad person. you say he has always been a good dad, then sooner or later he will see what's going on, especially when the kids don't want to go for a visit. let the kids know that you are there for them and love them. the rest will fall into place. remember,they are not married, and whose to say that they will. good luck to you and your kids.
2007-03-20 14:11:25 · answer #10 · answered by lynnie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋