My man is a wonderful man...he's patient, caring, humorous and everything a woman want's in a man. (Girls...I don't mean to toot my horn but TOOT TOOT) Anyway, we've been together for a little over a year, living together, and we have children (2 each) from previous marriages. Eventually we'll get married, because we have spoken about it, but we both agreed not to rush. My BIG dilemma is the women in his family. Sister and mother. They have this thing that whenever he doesn't do what they ask (ex: drive them to the grocery store, put a nail in the wall, petty stuff) they throw in his face "Oh ever since you hooked up with HER, you don't have time for us. Especially his mother. He gets upset and it gets me upset that he's upset. I don't know if I should put my 2-cents in it or let him handle it himself. It just hurts me so much that he gets upset like this because I'm into this man deeply. Please help!!!! BY the way, he did the same thing to his exes as well.
2007-03-20 06:22:52 · 18 answers · asked by hope 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So, you say that he's everything a woman could ever want in a man. In that case, fight for him. Men like that aren't easy to come by. How old are the children? If they are grown, what do they think? Have you tried talking to them about it (only if they are old enough though)? There is nothing wrong with a man, who cares and wants to help his mom or sister but too much is too much. I would try and carefully bring the subject up. When you are both alone and the mood is good. Never do it in a "nagging" way or you might risk losing him if he really is that close with them. Are there any other family members that could help out the mom and sister? How is your relationship with them? Maybe you could try and talk to them first. But like I said before, if you feel that strongly about this man and want to eventuelly get married to him, you ought to get that "problem" out of the way first or it will come and bite you in the ....! Trust me, I have been in a relationship like that. I thought he was everything I ever wanted in a man but mom and sisters always came before me. I don't mean to sound like I am "whining", especially since he always complained that he was the only one in his big family always helping out, but the final straw for me was when on 9/11 (I saw the Pentagon ordeal and was very distrought) he decided to go and be with his family rather than with me and my child (who's not his). I knew then that it would never come to marriage. Because a man, who's supposedly going to spend the rest of his life with you, should be there for you first. Unless it is an emergency like when they are sick and you just had plans for dinner or the movies. In that case it would be understandable for him to be with them. How about you accompany him from now on. Just a suggestion... I understand that you hurt for him, especially if your feelings for him seem to be sincere but that is why you need to get this settled now. Once you are married, it's too late and will only end in disaster.
Don't settle just because he treats you well and you might have been craving that from a man for a long time. If he always choses his family over you (and/or your children) it's likely never going to change and will eventually blow up. Either you won't be able to stand it any longer or he'll give in to his mom's and sister's line "just because of HER..." Stand your ground now but do it with compassion. MsB.
2007-03-20 06:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by MSB1963 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay OUT of it. Obviiuosly they don't have anyone else to ask to do this man things, I'm guessing that he is the only man left in the family.
When they give him the guilt trips, he should simply say that he has to go an leave it at that, Dwelling into explaining that that is not true, it wil only lead to an argument.
If he brings it up, listen but say nothing, Do not voice your opinion, if you must, simply say that they must miss him and that;s it. It's very wise of you to keep your mouth shut. This is something that you should keep on being mute about,.
Good luck
2007-03-20 13:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's why he has exes... tell him to be a real man and stand his ground. He has a future and he needs to tell his mum that her duties are done and now, let him do what he needs to do. Get married and lead a life without mother and sisters nagging along the way. Show them he still care by visitation or gifts on special days.
2007-03-20 13:32:36 · answer #3 · answered by Celia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like everyone needs to grow up and have a reality check on the situation. For now DON'T get married and he ought not to be at there beck and call all the time but he should help them when he can. Tough corner your in. I'd be looking at his past and how it will effect your future real fast and make your decision.
2007-03-20 13:47:48 · answer #4 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow; this is a touchy one. But it can be resolved. It's time to put your foot down and let him know it's not right for them to talk about you to him the way that they do and make him feel bad for things he doesn't do for them. If he doesn't or won't; then take matters into your own hands. They'll either respect you and drop it, or they won't drop it. Either way, you'll be letting them know you tired of it and not going to put with it anymore. Then I'd let him know and that's it's disrespectful for them to speak that way about you AND for him not to defend you. Just shed some light on the subject in a different way.
2007-03-20 13:29:32 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's tried to stand up to them, so the fault is on them. Unless you both distance yourself from these toxic relatives, the arguments will continue. Tell the mom and sister, they have an anusual idea of what love is.
2007-03-20 13:28:46 · answer #6 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should just sit down with them and let them know that he will always be there for them no matter what. Let them know that he is happy with you and by them saying things like that upsets him and hurts him. He needs to let them know that he will never turn his back on them, but they have to realize that he has a life that doesn't revolve around them.
Good Luck!
2007-03-20 13:57:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. Hester 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would move far away from his family, but don't let him know the reason. Give him some excuse so that you can move hundred of miles away, and then only visit like say once a year.
2007-03-20 14:12:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anthony F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok the best thing you can do is to move away the Bible say Man and women give up their mom and dad for each other so they can live as one in god eyes youre the only women in his life good luck
2007-03-20 13:32:27 · answer #9 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has been there for them for awhile. He needs to sit down and tell them that he is still there for them, but he has someone for him now, and they need to understand that he was not gonna be able to do these things for them forever. Hopefully they will see this, if not, think long and hard, they are not gonna go away.
2007-03-20 13:27:29 · answer #10 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋